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Not being allowed to cry over anything?

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October:
Hi Anastasia

My mum is the same.  When my grandfather died (her father) she took the phone call, then came out to the garden where I was playing skipping.  I was 11.  She said to me, 'I've just had a phone call; your grandad's dead.'  She was not crying.  I started to cry, and her next words were; 'what are you crying for?'

So I stopped crying and I walked away from her, along the road.  I remember thinking, why am I not allowed to cry for my grandad?  What is wrong with me?? Why am I not allowed??

Words fail me to describe the effect of simple episodes like this.

Anastasia:
you feel as if you are the only one in the world who has gone thru all this cruelty sometimes.  The narcissists are horrible to be around growing up, aren't they?  
Between my Nmother and looney stepfather, my entire goal as a kid was to 1. not think about it when I was going thru it (in order to cope) and 2. to get the hell away from them so soon as I could and I did.
One day about 10 years ago I was shopping and I heard a mother talking to her son just like my Nmother used to talk to me ("it's your fault" blah, blah, blah).  I had not seen my Nmother for, maybe 11 years by then.  Do you know I actually got a vomit reaction when I heard this woman and was sick to my stomach afterwards?  Talk about unconscious memories affecting you...it shocked even me, but my Nmother beat me down every single chance she got.
Of course, her goal was total control but she pushed some wrong buttons, I guess, as all I ever wanted to be is away from her crap.
Today, I cannot stand to hear someone berate a child like that at all.

Anonymous:
I know exactly what you mean.  If I hear someone telling a child off, I have to leave the shop, because if I don't I will start to tell them exactly what I think of them, and that is not likely to help the child in their situation.  In fact I have been known to do this, and get involved.  Usually I say something like, is that how your mother spoke to you?  Is that why you think it is acceptable to talk to a child like that?  At least by asking questions you have a chance of making them think, rather than provoking an automatic negative response from their defences.

Anastasia:
Yeah...that's it...INCONVENIENCES the narcissist....love that explanation as it hits is right on.  Thanks!

Anonymous:
my N used to say...

"Stop crying ... or I'll give you a reason to cry"

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