Pets and Ns

[Plucky]

I've been having some intense dreams.  I was walking around feeling everything was going pretty well.   But at night.....

Anyway, I then started to remember more stuff.    One thing was that my mom gave away my dog that I loved so much...because he chewed on some stuff.  Not really expensive stuff.  I was heartbroken and I was so lonely.   The dog was filling a need I had, at 11 years old, for companionship.  My mother had taken a new job with long hours and I was at home alone several hours a day.  I was so happy with the little dog!  When she decided to give him away I packed my bags and ran away, but got scared and came back by nightfall.  My mother thought that was cute and gave away the dog the next day.

[bliz1]

That is so sad, Plucky. Another example of our feelings not being validated.  Glad you are remembering but so sorry for the sad tale.

[October]

I am so sorry about your dog, Plucky.     What was his/her name? 

[Plucky]

Thank you October and bliz,
I feel nervous about giving his name.  Maybe it is silly but I want to feel anonymous while baring my soul and imparting embarrassing personal details.   But let's call him Paris.  That is close enough.  He did go to a good home with 3 kids and I used to visit him there.   We never forgot each other.  And I fight with my husband for the kids to get and keep pets, even if it means shoveling poop.
Plucky but unbowed   

[vunil]

Wow.  That is really cruel.

My grandmother was very N, I realize now.  She had two cats put to sleep when she was going on vacation once (!) and had her dog put to sleep when she and my grandfather went to a retirement home.  She didn't even consider giving the dog away even though several of her friends offered.

My parents had my dog put to sleep when she was diagnosed with a tumor even though it was operable.  They didn't want to spend the money for the operation (they could have afforded it). 

Other times they were wonderful to their animals-- it all depended on if the animal was pleasing to them at the time. 

I guess it's all very symptomatic.

But Plucky, I can't believe how cruel your mother was.  It is shocking.  She is really sick.

[vunil]

Hugs to plucky and Ariel.  I am so sorry-- your stories make me cry.  Love for an animal is so pure, and so important.  I guess it filled them with envy or something.  But I think that beyond losing the dog, which is horrible, it must have been really tough to reconcile this evil act with the fact that this is the person in control of you, whom you are supposed to love, and you now have evidence that they are horrible.  That would really harm a child, I would think.

[October]

Thank you October and bliz,
I feel nervous about giving his name.  Maybe it is silly but I want to feel anonymous while baring my soul and imparting embarrassing personal details.   But let's call him Paris.  That is close enough.  He did go to a good home with 3 kids and I used to visit him there.   We never forgot each other.  And I fight with my husband for the kids to get and keep pets, even if it means shoveling poop.
Plucky but unbowed   

Sorry, Plucky.  Didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.  You know how Ns call their pets 'dog' and 'cat'?  Just wanted to show that his name was important to me, because I care.  Paris is fine for that. 

I'm glad he went to a good home, and that you could at least visit sometimes.

[Plucky]

Just wanted to show that his name was important to me, because I care.

I know,  I know you were just being caring.  Thank you for trying to find a way to nurture me.
Ariel I am so sorry!  That sounds even worse, to expect to come home to your pal and he is gone, and the reasons for it were a lie!
I know now (and pretty much did then also) that it was because my mom valued her stuff over other people and feelings and certainly animals any day.  Also, it was my stepdad who abetted me in getting the dog.  She probably needed to undo his 'victory'.

And, she did not need the 'competition' for my attention!   Yet, knowing all that....I still feel guilty about the stupid cushion!  I still feel on some buried level that she was right and my feelings were not worth considering.  You asre saying she is really sick...and if it happened to someone else I might understand that.  But since it was me....this makes no sense, but I am discovering my feelings.  Maybe I am not ready to think of my mom as 'really sick'.  Although I have had plenty of ammunition.  Hmmm, I used the word ammunition - would that be killing her? 

a rambling
Plucky