Met narcissist at Recovery Board...

[Argusina]

Hello all,

I used to post at bpd central - had an ex husband suffering from borderline personality disorder. On the board I met another man who had an (ex)bp wife. He seemed so nice and understanding and we finally met. Started a relationship... and then the narcissistic rages and behavior began  
I was IN CHOCK. It never occured to me that I would find such a person on such a forum. But now I know that often, different personality disorders hook up with each other (not always loooking for only codependent partners).

Forunately I started reading about narcissism and DUMPED him. Phew! He was the last thing I needed.

His version of arguing, for example, was hanging up on me and then sending 15 pages of insults and critiscisms. Imagine that, even when fighting he preferred Monologues  

I guess I'm writing this message to warn people that even "helpful" boards attract a lot of Narcissists who like to portray themselves as helpers/gurus/ Messiases...

*shivering*
Argusina

[Jaded911]

Argusina,

Oh my Argusina, you hit a nail right on the head.  Alot of N  are addicted to online, they can pretend to be anybody they want.  Nobody disputes them because they have no clue.  Juat a little background about my xN to help you understand.  He was all of the following, miserable, rotten low down ,things he be to little ole me.  Let me see, I was called names on a daily basis, shoved down, belittled for being in school for my masters, Had my rib broke by one of his sucker punches, yada yada freggin yada.  The man was as uncaring as the devil himself and this is what he wrote to all of his online gaming buddies.  Hope your sitting down, made me sick just reading it.  But ya know, those people online would have a fit if they knew what he was.

He was arrested for calling a black lady a "N""C..T",  He has a little sweety for a daughter who he will no doubt ruin.  He yells  at her on a daily basis.  He is so out of control it scares me and saddens me because I have been on the receiving end of his wrath.  Now, here is what he said to all of his great, great "Friends" online.  It has made me realise that people can be fake in person but jeesh online you reallly have no idea.  This should be a big red flag, it was for me.

*************************************************************

To all my clan mates and our friends:

I wish you all a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. One of many things I am thankful for is all of you!

Peace to you all.

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The man has not had a moment of peace in his life.  Who the hell does he think he is fooling.  Grossed me out thinking of him saying such fuzzy words to total strangers.  Heck I did good if he only called me one name a day.  One day he went and posted this big long ruckus raising  post, somebody made a racial remark, he who had just been arrested for doing worse jumped that kids butt. I just peak every now and then to keep convincing myself that he is a lying scum bag.  It helps too.

 I wanted so badly to type on there, humm, now who was arrested for verbally assaulting a lady, busted his girl friends rib, and so on so on.  But heck, there were a few girls there playing on the forum, you said it best.  They come on nice in the beginning, they watch out Bessie all hell breaks loose.  I regret the day I ever met him.  He plugs on as if he never knew me, I have his words running around in my head daily.   I pity the next fool he hooks onto.  Tisk Tisk!!

[Argusina]

Oh my Jaded   What a story...

This man was certainly a web guru/wiz. I swear, I've never seen anyone be so smooth and use all the right words, & still not mean even one of them... And the amazing thing was to realize that he was so into his false persona, that he thought he was God, only MORE perfect. This man HONESTLY told me he had no more personal issues to work on. He was completely healed and enlightened. I told him that he should hang out more with Buddha and Jesus...

Fortunately, he gave me several clues pretty soon that things were not all right (except for his narcissistic rages). As his guard dropped, he started "slipping". Said "I never take advice from anyone", "I don't remember your family's names" etc etc. He didn't speak, but rather announced or made elaborate speeches. He also laughed hysterically at his own jokes and never at mine... He told me before we met that he was tall, and that was CERTAINLY not true, neither his alleged capabilities as a lover. His view of himself was all in all far too grandiose for reality.

I remember one hilarious instant when he tried convincing me he was VERY fit although he has 30 pounds of overweight. I didn't mind, but hey, get a reality check!    He also pretended that women were all over him and I have to say I doubt it. He may be able to seduce someone over the net, but in person - - he was not all that.

Oh and one last big warning flag - when we made love it felt like he was masturbating (!) on me, not making love!!!!  

IM SO GLAD I GOT AWAY SO FAST!!!  

People out there - be careful - there are many Narcissists on the web putting on personas that have nothing to do with reality... They can seem like angels and in fact be nasty little things...

PS: He placed pics online (not nude) of me without asking me and now I don't know how to get them off    Any ideas?

[Unwise]

Argusina,
I had to re-read your post a couple of times. About 15 years ago I was involved with a man that was, in retrospect, the perfect poster child for N. His favorite catch phrase was...Well, I used to be taller! (He also thought very highly of himself in every other area as well).

[Anonymous]

Hey Unwise,

What a tragicomical comment your ex made... I find that often with Ns I don't know whether to laugh or to cry - and I feel a feeling of embarassment too...

I hope you did not have to reread it several times because of the messy language     - English is not my mother tongue...

It was so funny when N-ex told me that he was "taller than most men" and then I saw him. That should have been enough for me to realize that he was delusional!

[Anonymous]

PS: And oh - although my ex-husband had borderline personality disorder, he was EXCEEDINGLY handsome and also very tall - so I at least knew the difference between someone who was ALL THAT physically, and who wasn't!!    

[Argusina]

(I, Argusina, posted the two comments - sorry forgot to put my name)

[Unwise]

Argusina,
I certainly didn't have to re-read your post because of your writing skills. It just struck so close to home. After I ended the relationship with the aformentioned fellow, I came to the conclusion that he was a predator of sorts. After hearing about how he got involved with all the other women in his life (All the details if you can imagine), it  occured to me that he only pursued women who were not strong emotionally. (Including me) Possibly due to my upbringing, I had no clue how to establish or enforce any of the normal boundries that most folks are used to. And it appeared that he could "sniff out" women in that prediciment and use them up, which he did.

So, now in this day of the internet, imagine how easy it is for poeple like that to do their cruising through the computer rather than in bars. They don't even have to pop for the price of a drink! And what better place to look for their prey than a message board where men and women come together for support and understanding.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, Unwise, that you had to go through all that  

I think that since I had already been through hell with my exbp husband I had gotten educated on narcissistic behavior - so my warning bells started ringing quite early... I was also lucky because there is a big geographical distance between us...

I agree with you describing them as predators - they have no empathy for their "prey"... it's like they need to eat someone up to acquire some of their strength/love. I would say my weakness was that I was "strong" in a dysfucntional way, that is more tolerant to enduring abuse.

But THIS time the outcome of the scenario (childhood one) was different. I stood up for myself!  

Unwise, I hope you are safe now and far away from these miserable N people...

[Unwise]

Argusina,
Thank you, I am away from most of them, and now I believe I can recognize them when they come around. My parents chose to have no contact with me and when I met my husband, I recognized him as a dear sweet man and asked him out. So most of the Ns are no longer in my life. Mostly I browse this forum to try and understand and to learn to cope with the few that I do have contact with. My MIL lives with us and while I can't really describe her as an N, there are times that she drives me nuts. Since it has only been this year that I have started to stand up to her and set some boundries, I often come here often to gleen these skills. It has been fairly successful so far. I feel that I am moving from voiceless to just above a whisper. I consider it a great improvement and hope to go further. It is wonderful to find such a resource of articulate compasionate people. Hopefully, I will be able to offer my support to some who need it also.
(Maybe I can also change my username to something less self-depreciating)