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Have you left a narcissist behind for good? What's it like?

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sally:
Has anybody left a narcissist behind for good?  Your father, mother, husband, wife....?

I did it a few years ago and am still alive and feel pretty good, but sometimes I think I won't survive it.

Any experiences out there?

guest:
I broke off an engagement to a narcissist a number of years ago.  We were together for 2 or 3 years, living together most of that time.  It was the hardest thing I'd ever done and it took me three years to completely get over him.  I thought I was going to die without him.  But time heals just about everything, and in light of what I now know about his NPD, I realize I came perilously close to a life of total hell.  He recently got married and I thank God every day that she's his wife and not me.  

If my N father weren't still married to my mother, I would never speak to him again either.  I used to think it was terrible for family members not to forgive each other and reconcile.  Now I've realized it's a healthy choice when the family member is too personality-disordered to be capable of a human relationship.

Good luck with whatever choices you make.

Anonymous:
Guest,

I dated my N for two years too.  I used to wonder why I would get so stirred up about him for.  I did not realise until I was away from him that the reason I was so confused most of the time with his actions is because they were so off the wall.  Laughing one minte telling me how much he loved me, next minute I was a slut and he couldn't stand the sight of me.  My head spun 24/7.  They mess with your mind but I will say one thing, He may have crippled my thoughts for a while, but I would bet my last dollar if we would have married these men, our thoughts would be paralysed.  

I almost felt if I would have left him I would have been letting him down as well as myself.  I am not a quitter.  I work hard at what I want in my life and damn it I wanted him.  But it is what it is and I thank goodness that he was the type of N who walked away and with no  contact  That hurts like hell because it only proves to me that every word he said was a lie.  We have been broke up for around 6 months now.  I can finally see something good out of our relationship.  I finally realise that I can love somebody more than I had ever dreamed.  I actually think about what we could have had if he would have been, "Normal".  He would have been the one.  Instead I realise now that he is the one missing out.  I gave it my all and for the life of me I can't understand why any of us had to experience this.  Reading it out of a book and living it are as different as night and day.

You have been out of your relationship for 3 yrs?  Great, 2 1/2 more years before I can have another genuine smile, until I dont have to turn my head so the people around me can't see my cry.  I think if he would have given me the respect that I deserved and been a man and ended it in a different manner, I wouldnt be near this affected.  I think their lack of feelings sends us scrambling for all of the answers.  I have been asked out numerous times over the past 3 months.  All I can say is I hope for my sake that I can believe another man.  I might just be letting a hell of a guy go because of the emotional scars this man has left me with.  An apology would have gone a loooong way.  Nah, he decided to do a restraining order instead.  How bizarre is that?  I exposed him to a few of his friends and called his daughters school to make sure her safety was maintained.  I told him he needed to be held accountable for his actions by somebody in his lifetime.  He of course now says I am psychotic, well hells bells, N is enough to make anyone nuts.  

Nuts, nah!  I finally am now holding him accountable for his dirty deeds.  I just can wait for my time in this mental prison to be finito.  I will take your word that I only have 2 1/2 yrs left, guess thats better than a life sentence of hell.  

I am very proud of those who can muster up the strength to leave once they have been in that situation for a long time.  I only had two years and I was definately a weaker person because of it.  I am slowly but surely working my way back up.  Letting someone take your spirit away from you is actually worse then the broken rib I got.  Words cut so deep, to bad they do not have the capability of ever knowing how bad they hurt us.  Life goes on for them and we all realised we had to go on.  It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I know I will be looking back on this one day.  Soon I hope, soon!

Jaded

sally:
Thanks for your replies.  Very interesting, very helpful.  I'll spend some time thinking about them.

The narcissist I had to leave behind was my mother.  A wicked, hard person.  Verbally and emotionally abusive, of course.  You could write the book on N about her.  Well, actually she wrote her own book.  All about herself.  Her memoirs.  About how wonderful she is.  Nobody would publish it.  She paid a fortune to have it printed.  Nobody bought it.  She couldn't stand the disappointment, so she went to bed.  She's been in bed for 5 years now and has a staff of nurses and servants to give her attention.  She became quietly enraged and made everyone miserable--as usual.  

I'd put up with this same kind of hysterical and selfish behavior from her for 47 years.  Tried like hell to make her happy.  I had to quit.  I moved out of town without telling her and started a new life.

Four years ago, I cut the neurotic ties.  I've not seen her nor talked to her. It's been wonderful.  But very frightening.  I was used to spending 90% of all my energy dealing with her, so I have all kinds of time and energy to myself.  Glad it's over, but I sure feel beat up and worn out.  And sometimes very cruel and heartless.

Anastasia:
Read any of my posts and you will get my feedback on this.
WHY did I wait so long?
On hindsite, should have left that imbecilic brother of mine 25 years ago.  He was just a waste of my time and energy.  Obvious why he has zero friends...what a jerk!
And my mother, once I matured, I realized where she was coming from and it just caused me pain:  everyone wants their mothers to love them, I would assume, so she was always such a disappointment to me.  So, I left the situation for 21 years and am glad I did.  God knows how messed up my child would have been had he been raised around her!
Leave and save yourself if that seems right for you.  It was for me and I wish I had done it years and years ago.  
How is it to leave?  It's worth it!  It brought me peace of mind. :D

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