Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Have you left a narcissist behind for good? What's it like?
CC:
Hi Sally,
No, I've never left one behind. But I have really been thinking about it lately. I think you may be braver than I, and I envy those with the strength.. though each choice is probably equally as difficult. You may want to read some of my early posts, because the N in my life is my mother too and she lives in the same town. I'm 35, and still dealing with this crap. Things have improved, but there are setbacks, and this month was the biggest one in years.
See my new post "Free ticket to the theater, starring an N.."
Star:
I left my N husband for good a year ago. For the first six months, I thought I'd die of the pain and hurt.It has been quite a process for me. to Now, I feel so much better. I am loosened from the false belief that he was good for me in any way. When I see him at all (we have kids together) I am shocked at how much of a crazy spin he puts on everything- even a brief converation. It is dizzying.
In my marriage, I took that as normal. I hung on to the belief that there was so much special about him during our marriage--and that someday it would fully emerge and all the bad stuff would go away. It doesn't, ever. I've starting to see him as the immature, selfish, damaging fool he really is. I've experienced more happiness from within myself in the past month then I did in 22 years of marriage, but it has taken a while. These N's ARE NOT SPECIAL, only especially sick. My N has talent, sure, but so do a lot of other people, so big deal. The years of walking on eggshells made me and my kids sick. But we are getting well. Thank goodness for boards like this. There's just no chance for happiness when we're with N's. We're not missing a thing--except emotional torture.
Discounted Girl:
I know what the slant of this thread is -- but, I am prompted to say that as a child of an NQueen and later years NDad -- I WAS THE ONE LEFT BEHIND !!!!
cindy:
I left an N husband, and 5 years later he's still stalking, although he's had a relationship since before our separation. Thank you, Star, for your story. It sounds so much like mine. It just gets better and better. The stalking is minimal compared to the mind games.
Anonymous:
Hello everyone,
Guest, I just had to reply to your observation.
--- Quote ---I used to think it was terrible for family members not to forgive each other and reconcile. Now I've realized it's a healthy choice when the family member is too personality-disordered to be capable of a human relationship.
--- End quote ---
Thank you. I also felt this way. I couldn't understand families that couldn't "get along". This contributed to a lot of the pain I felt when I said "adios" to the exploitative members of my family. But I'm through it now (it does take a while!). But I feel so much better realizing that I'm still a "good person" and a healthier one for finally walking away. After working on it, I have been able to forgive this person and get past the anger and get on with my life, regardless of that person's feelings about me. I feel so much better about myself. And those new feelings are not tied to how that person feels about me. Bonus: it does lead to more free time to do the things that are important to oneself!
Best, Seeker
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