Hi everyone, I have been divorced from an N exactly a year. Being away from him this long has helped me see him realistically--he is a toxic person who makes life crazy for anyone in his life. I can't believe how long I was in denial about how seriously disordered he is. It has taken me a while to see this clearly, and I am feeling so much better now. It was like I was under his spell. My daughter is 18, a senior, and has been seeing a therapist for a year and a half who totally "gets"the N's pathology and is helping my daughter cope with her dad. She gets it, too, but still has to deal with him. Her dad lavishes himself on vacations with OW. I see no empathy in him at all. My daughter has a chronic illness we've been dealing with for years. She is finishing her high school online because she is too tired to go to school. Because her car insurance is in his name, he badgers her to get a job. She was getting better until she took this job. Now she's back to square one. Her therapast told her the same thing I did--quit the job. Her health and schooling come first. When she backs off from her dad, he harasses her. She can't handle it, feeling she's damned if she cooporates with him, damned if she doesn't. It exhausts her. I told her I'd pay half of her car insurance--to forget about it. She worries because she feels it's so unfair that dad doesn't pay for anything (true-even his child support, which he tried to get out of) is piddly. My daughter's health comes first. I will do what I have to do, gladly, to support her emotionally and financially through this, which I have always done. I have a good job, but we're scraping, and once again, like always, I am shouldering all--He provides no support emotionally or otherwise. In fact, he makes he sicker with his twisted logic, tantrums, and hate for me (though he calls to tell me he still loves me). He's big on the devaluing. I guess I'm feeling discouraged because his crap never ends, even though we're divorced. My daughter cried with relief when I told her she must quit the job. I guess I am venting. The unfairness and self-centeredness of the XN doesn't abate. He is never a neutral force. He continues to damage and undermine and feel sorry for himself. He never stops in his mission to delvalue me, and cannot stop putting me down in front of my daughter no matter how many boundaries she sets. AUGH!
