I think that everyone with whom we connect wants something from us,even it is for us to love them. That is human nature and that's not a problem for me. The trouble begins when they demand or manipulate you into giving them what they need with little regard for YOUR wishes ,wants or needs. If you sense that they are trying to get you to put aside parts of your life so that they can get their own way then you are being abused.
I am also ( as a man) wary of the self-sacrificing woman. She surely wants something, and is trying to make herself indispensable so that you will return her affection after seeing how much she can do for you. A subtle manipulation disguised as "helping".I have one mother, I do not need another one.
It is a minefield out there, however, one test that I use to establish people's sincerity is to pay close attention to what they do and say when you say 'no' to them. Beware the ones who get angry and won't accept your decision not to go along with their requests or demands. Get them out of your life pronto. I used to try to 'explain' ad infinitum the reasons why I did not want to comply with their wishes. Now I just say' no' with a one sentence explanation.
Take care ..DP
