Knowing what forgiveness is...and isn't

[seeker]

Hi everybody,

Just a little holiday greeting about forgiveness.  There is a lot of guilt-inducing confusion about what forgiveness is, both what we dump on ourselves and how Ns fling the word out there to get you to let them off the hook for their transgressions.  

There is a great site with research on how forgiveness can improve the mental health and healing of the forgiver, and more importantly (IMHO) a list of myths and truths about the concept of forgiveness.  

Check it out: http://www.forgiving.org/working/myth.asp

So make a list, check it twice.  You need to remember who's naughty or nice!    

Peace, S.

[Anonymous]

This link isn't working and looks interesting.  I would like to check it out.

Just wondering, Seeker, if you may have one that will connect?

Thanks,

s

[Discounted Girl]

try this
http://www.forgiving.org/Working/myths.asp

[Anonymous]

Thankyou very much Discounted Girl.

Much appreciated!

s

[Popeye]

The best source I found is Edward Hallowell's book Dare to Forgive.   My ex N (we weren't married) asked for instant forgiveness after pulling off a big betrayal which he lied about at first.  I searched the net about forgiveness and then bought the book.    

Remember that forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not for the other person.  He/she may never know that you've achieved forgiveness (working the nastiness out of your system so it no longer affects/hooks you).  It doesn't mean that you condone the behavior, or want to see the person again, you just finally accept that it happened, probably learn from it, recognize finally the person's limitations, and move on.  Achieving forgiveness is proven good for your health too.  Depending on how deep the hurt is, it may take time.

[Philski60]

Just wanted to thank you Seeker for the wonderful sight on Forgiveness as well as other interesting topics.  Seems like alot of my healing today is coming from practicing forgiveness in a healthy responsible way.
 
Philski

[longtire]

seeker,
Thank you for the recommendation.  I checked out the website, bought this book, and have been going through the process to forgive my wife after many years of holding resentment.  Not only is it working for that purpose, but it has opened me up to so much more.  I feel that my life is finally back on track and this book played no small part in that.

longtire