What do you do when...?

[vunil]

Hi, Autumn--

I have that anxious voice sometimes, too, and for me what worked was therapy and meds.  It took both to get the voices to adequately shut up, although therapy is most important, I think, if you can find someone good.  I am glad you recognize that that anxiety you feel isn't you-- it is something happening to you, and it is absolutely worth addressing. I would go after it the same way you would any other physical ailment-- go to the doctor and get recommendations, do everything you can to fight it.  Lifestyle stuff helps, too, as people here will attest-- all the stuff you know already (exercise every day, healthy food, getting outside every day, vitamins, being around positive people) that is hard to do when you are in a "mood" but which helps enormously if you can get yourself out and about to do it.  When I have been at really low points I would actually "prescribe" myself little outings to make myself get out and exercise and be in the fresh air-- it helped a lot.  Anxiety flourishes when it is left to act on a captive mind-- getting out and about and thinking about other stuff helps vanquish those obsessive thoughts.

Good luck and keep posting.

[seasons]

Autumn,
You have received wonderful support and advice. I'm new to this board but just quickly reading the extensive support and friendship they give is a huge gift to us all.
I agree you are so brave to have made the first step and reach out like you have.

Wishing you peace and joy through the journey you have started to take. ((((hugs)))) seasons

p.s. remember your not alone...we are here, even a newbie like me!!!

[Autumn5775]

I appreciate each one of you who has responded!

The paradox that I've recently come to realize and acknowledge is that, I need people, but ppl cannot give me what I need.  When I am honest with myself, I realize that I've been looking to ppl to hopefully meet my needs, without first giving myself what I need...like approval, unconditional acceptance...hence, making me always be in a position of being at the mercy of others....relying on other ppl's approval in order to feel like I matter.  Seeking those things in others is like chasing after the wind.  No wonder I felt so desperate and in destitute.  Trying to figure out on my own on how to solve my own problems have been ineffective, I find.

Autumn

[write]

anyone who has been abused- even if you didn't know it was abuse at first- has this anxiety, this continuing desperation for quieting and reassurance.

Re finding a good therapist:
A GOOD THERAPIST IS SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU TALK TO THEM. Even if you cry, or feel distressed at times, if when you leave you feel some small sense of accomplishment and a feeling of being understood or listened to, and MOST IMPORTANTLY- someone who is going to be with you through the next few months, returns your calls, is genuinely professionally interested in you and IN YOU GETTING BETTER.

AND ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WHO SEEMS AT ANY TIME TO BE ACTING OUT- by which I mean following a routine, trying to make you comply to something which feels wrong, or makes you feel bad about yourself.

I would not see a therapist anymore ( after a protracted illness involving lots of doctors, psychiatrists and a psychologist ) after more then one session where they made me feel uncomfortable- their reaction when I went back and told them so would give me all I need to know.

If they're not receptive to me- I'm not paying for them ( financially or emotionally )

Just because I was abused before doesn't mean I will be again, especially not in the pursuit of recovery.

[Marta]

Autumn,

Unlike eyes and limbs, we are not born with self-esteem. It is something we must grow within us. For the lucky ones, it comes as a loving gift passed on from their parents; the rest of us must toil at it. Don’t flog yourself for not having self-esteem, or buy into the N illusion that we must be totally self-sufficient. We need others to teach us how to love ourselves, since our parents only taught us to hate ourselves. Therapy is but one obvious avenue for getting there; if you are feeling so bad, I really urge you to see a therapist and not rely on Internet boards alone.   

When you feel that there is not a single friend by your side when you really need them, it is not a reflection of how cruel dangerous this world is, as our Ns taught us, but rather the possibility that our world may be populated with Ns who are incapable of being there for anyone at all. It is important to see this, because without this realization we may feel that this world is not a good place and why bother.

I used to have a MAJOR problem with anxiety of the variety you are describing. Over time, I have healed and become much better.

 I think I can safely say that most of us on this board have been in periphery of where you are at some point in our lives. Just know that you are not alone in feeling this way and there is hope.

Marta

[Sallying Forth]

Thank you all for your kind words.

I don't know if I feel depress or have clinical depression.  I don't think I do.  But, I think I have anxiety disorder.  I've never quite been able to put my finger on it til now.  My anxiety makes me feel tense and incompetent in doing the simplist tasks, particularly at work.  I always feel afraid of doing something wrong...like I am being judged and graded constantly and I'm getting a failing grade if I make the smallest mistake.    And when I do something wrong than I get all bent out of shape.  I have high blood pressure b/c of my intense level of anxiety.  So, maybe I do need anxiety medication.  Everyday, I feel like there's a little monstrous voice reminding me of all the things that I can't do right and all the mistakes I've made and that I will only make more mistakes...that there is something wrong with me...and I don't matter much when I do something wrong or when ppl think of me with disapproval.  I wish I know how to shut that little voice up.

Hi Autumn,
I had an anxiety and panic disorder which is mostly healed now. At one time I took medication and it really helped. I also took an anti-depressant at the same time. Both medications along with a good therapist who listened and heard me, quieted my mind. For me, being heard was a major turning point in my therapy, I began to heal.

You are NOT alone.