Avoiding medical abuse and neglect at all costs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[Bloopsy]

I am having a hard time speaking up for myself at my dentist. I think it is because when someone treats me icky I think that Ideserve it or it is because I am bad like I felt when I was little I can't help it, so I don't take it as a sign I should get away but more that I deserve it, and should try to improve myself so as not to be treated ickiliy .As an adult this is not working, and I feel like I am not getting the care I need and that at any moment it will revealed that I am open to abuse or neglect in my treatment at which point the doctor will swoop in with their abuse or neglect. Just wondering what you guys do about this problem--- I want to grow to find a way not to reflexively react with trying to appease the other person which leaves my inner self and teeth/other body part unprotected.

[Bloopsy]

also I feel that I am becoming very paranoid, this may be normal or something? But son't want to spiral into the pits
!Thanks for listening!

[Gail]

Hi Bloopsy,

I think just being aware of that reflexive response is the first step.  Also, if you sense a health care professional is treating you badly, it's probably best to change to someone else if at all possible.  I have been almost killed a couple of times by incompetent/uncaring medical professionals.  Since it's your health at sake, don't entrust it to someone who treats you badly.  It's going to be almost impossible to stand up to one who is not going to have your best interests at heart and who is willing to listen to you and treat you with respect since they are sure they know better than you.  Those health care professionals who treat you "ickily" are downright dangerous.  I have had bad doctors/dentists, but thankfully also some very good ones who had to undo the damage the bad ones inflicted on me. 

Even a bad dentist can do an awful lot of harm.  I ended up in the emergency room after one botched a root canal.  Trust your gut.  You could look at this as an opportunity to practice using your judgment and standing up for yourself.

Gail

[miss piggy]

Hi Bloopsy,

I agree wholeheartedly with Gail.  Just change to someone you feel more comfortable with.  I thought most dentists were kind of cold fish, but now I have a really nice one with a great staff! 

I also was referred to an orthodontist for my kids.  We actually started with one guy who kept saying the most inappropriate things ie. crossing the line into parenting territory.  Ex: if you lose this retainer, you're going to have to pay for it with your own allowance. (Uh, good rule, but that's my dept.!)  It was really irritating!  He was like a scolding grandmother.  Then he came out one day to tell me my d was going to need a whole lot of teeth pulled just like that, in the waiting room in front of everyone!  That gave me a reason to seek a second opinion and a new orthodontist.  It turns out he was right, but I found someone who could tell me in a caring, professional, reasonable way.  I was so relieved.  And I didn't think twice about switching, because I was going to be seeing this person a very long time.  So communication styles matter.

So don't worry if you can't speak up with this particular dentist.  Find one who seems more approachable and you will be able to speak up.  Simple change of chemistry.  Good luck Bloopsy!  MP

[Plucky]

Bloopsy,
I've had some really horrible experiences with dentists and doctors. If you don't speak up, especially with a dentist, the result might be permanent.   My mouth will never be the same.

Don't worry about what they think.  Know that probably everyone in their office thinks they're great (anyone else would be long gone), even if they are horrible.  My new doctor told me, I've heard of people changing doctors on the operating table.  So don't worry about when you do it, whether you've gone too far, whatever.  You have one body only.  If words fail you, just get up and leave the room.

It's like having sex.  You can say no at any point and you must be listened to.

Plucky

[Bloopsy]

Thanks guys, it was really nice for me nice to home home to all these supportiver responses and just a quick note to say I really feel so not alone these days ! I think that I will go to another dentist-- I noticed that I have cavities and last week I went in and she did not do any work---said that nothing was wrong!!! I admit to being really scared--whatev!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I think that I will call and say that I have noticed cavities and see how the dentist reacts, and then go on from there I guess. I guess I am a little nervous becuase I have gum problems, and have spent months waiting for my insurance to go through to get them worked on , and if a switch dentists now, I will miss the appnt. in a few days. That would be icky. But I am going to trust my gut and look for a new dentist for after I have my gum surgery. Whatev!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to stop hanging out with ns who ned all the attention so I can focus on my own teeth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ick!!!!!!!


"""Bloopsy, I've seen you grow right here on this board. I think you've come a long way in just a few weeks, from posting a petition for Ns and thinking you were an N, to chucking an abusive therapist and accepting that abuse was done to YOU, not the other way round, to expressing an understanding all the issues you have to work on. You ARE finding your own way and your own voice, slowly but surely. As they say, let the process work at its own pace.""""""" Thanks Marta! I feel so complimented and glad of that!