Strange circumstance - what would you do?

[Sallying Forth]

A guy I used to date years ago is in a program to become a therapist. The last time I spoke with him, 6 years ago, he told me he was healed from his childhood abuse. However he was still engaged in behavior that tells me otherwise.

About 2 months ago I was doing some research on the www and found his name and picture on a web site. I was shocked to discover he was studying to be a therapist. I am concerned because this guy's behavior would be inappropriate for a therapist to have.

Knowing this information about someone in this type of program, what would you do? Write to them and tell them? Pretend you didn't see it?

[Moira]

Hi! I agree with response above. No reason to report him to any college or governing body of his profession. Personal knowledge- esp when he's a student- won't cut the mustard. Hearsay, and will be used by a lawyer as slander. All you can do is warn anyone you know who may consider going to him and they can do whatever they want with that info. My ex N is threatening to charge me with slander because I warned some young women in NA group about him after they approached me with stories of his stalking and predatory sexual behavoiur. Alleges he's got a lawyer and is proceeding with lawsuit as " he has a solid case"!!! Good luck with that!!! Absolute bullshit and not remotely possible. But not my place to pursue at all- his behaviour is his behaviour and the women are responsible for their reactions- not me. I can only be responsible and accountable for my decisions and behaviour. Also being preoccupied with someone's else's history is not only toxic and bad for your health all the way around- it's self defeating and destructive. You can rest assured that this guy isn't going to be losing any sleep over it! Now, if his history included something horrific- like a conviction for assault, anything sexual etc- that's a different kettle of fish. Notice I said the word " conviction"- not " charged". Charged is only an allegation and if no conviction means nothing. Moira

[vunil]

I agree with everyone else-- and add the additional weird wrinkle that not so healthy people can end up being good therapists.  I have known several cases this this. I have no idea how they do it-- somehow they muster up all of their healthiness for the role, I guess, or they are able to playact what a good therapist is, or they are able to be a therapist without their own unconscious entering into things.  It sounds impossible, but I am not sure it is.  Maybe it has to do with projection of their best self, or something.

Anyway, this is definitely a boundary issue-- he's a therapist, someone decided he is allowed to be, and without any evidence that he is right now being horrible to someone, it just has to be.  Let's cross our fingers he'll be ok.  But you don't have juristiction over it, it's just something that is, if that makes sense? 


Let's cross our fingers he is not one more awful therapist in the world...

[Sallying Forth]

Thank you everyone for your input. It has been bothering me since I found the web site and his name there. The guy is a perp. It is scary to think this guy is going to have vulnerable clients. It's icky.

When I last spoke with him he said everything was all finished with his past. Then he proceeded to do his extremely abusive predator-like behavior on me. I told him no. At the time when we first dated I didn't realize his behavior was odd and not right. But now I do and I did 6 years ago as well.