F*** the police

[Bloopsy]

Well I tried to file a complaint against my chiropractor and molester, which was not filed. It has been a week and the doctor is in the office today "practising". The people around me are so n that I have no one to turn to. One of the officers that I spoke with about the matter told me" well somebody made a mistake." I told him that that mistake will have a high price to Scott Siegels' next victim. I feel like I may collapse under pressure or something, He is in the office today "practising chiropractically" . My own sister was too busy doing her homework to come with me to the hospital to get myself checked out after the incident. I have not been able to take a shower and can hardly eat and have no one to turn to because they are all ns' and too involved with themselves to even care and just don't want me to make them look bad. I do not want to bury this it is too horrible but I am starting to get scared because if the doctor has paid off the police or something then I am in danger---- maybe that sounds paranoid but i made the mistake of calling his office today and telling him to not hurt any of his other clients and now I feel very scared.  I don't know what to do.

[Plucky]

Bloopsy, don't give up!  You are right!  It must be awful to go through this by yourself with all the people who ought to help you being such gits!
Some hospitals have a patient advocate, a volunteer(or paid position) whose job it is to help patients when there is some issue.  Try to ring the hosp you went to, to see if they have one of those.  Also, there are attorneys who do pro bono work.  In the US it is legal aid.  Look in the phone directory and find this.
If that doesn't help, phone a women's shelter and get some advice.   Do you have a gynecologist? 
Is there even one friend other than up here who can help you in person?
I am so sorry this is happening to you!  I wish I could help!
Plucky

[Bloopsy]

((((((((((Plucky))))))))))))))-- I found someone at an AA meeting who was willing to come down to the police precinct with me to clear this up---- we were very lucky and talked to a kind female clerk who was able to find my report which had been lost , and he is going to introduce me to a woman at the local meeting in my neighborhood who can help me and be there for me. I was feeling very alone and aware that my personal appearance and manner do
 not garner much respect, so having this person come down with me really helped, and also to be around someone who was sensitive to the fact that I am going through a hard time.

[Marta as guest]

Bloopsy,

Amazing! You are doing great, in spite of having all the odds stacked against you. Power to you, girl. I am really glad that you found a good friend to stand by you at such a time. As for cops, they do have a reputation of raping the victim twice. I remember once we had some argument with a car rental company who'd not give our deposit back. We called the cops. Not only would they not take the complaint, he sat down to have a cup of tea with the owner! so don't take it all personally.

BTW, chuck all the professionals you use based on former T's referral. Birds of the same feather clock together....Don't be afraid, chiropractor can pay off the police to prevent them from harming him, but not to harm you--luckily that kind of thing rarely would happen in the US. Don't worry about it.

You've mentioned more than once how you feel your clothes are somehow inappropriate. Something you wanna talk about?

Love, Marta   

[Bloopsy]

hey Marta--- it's true I am chucking all the proffessionals that she refeered me to and those that I chose under her "giudance". I am thinking of going into a rehab so that I can get some help with my one year plan and stuff. i really can't dea with living here it makes me crazy. Totally nuts. On Sunday my moms' b was all lecturing on me that he is a damaged person and whatever and so are all his rowdy friends and I was like well it was really scary for me growing up around all that and he was like you didn't grow up around anything and also told me that my father didn't abandon me and everything which is basically like saying that I am not worth even being abandoned or such a peice of trash that I can be abandoned by my own father and he didn't even abandon me. i am so angry at him !1whatev!!!!!!!!!hugs

[Bloopsy]

"You've mentioned more than once how you feel your clothes are somehow inappropriate. Something you wanna talk about?"

Hey, I think I am doing a lot better with my clothes it is just that when i am very stressed at times I can let things slide and end up going around in pajama pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today is alright though and I feel like as long as aI have a few appropriate outfits it's okay-- also my therapist was not helpful with that she always made it seem like I had some horrible problem with my wardrobe and that was why I attracted these weird men--- meanwhile not telling me exactly what in the world was so damn wrong--- One time I was wearing a perfectly nice and  past the knee purple dress-- very tasteful--- and she was  giving me the eye and saying that i better stay away from men that day or whatever--- meanwhile my dress is past the knee and high necked with a shirt over it!!!!!! Also recently I found a very nice beige houndstouth suit, which is sure to come in handy!!  How is your wardrobe doing? It can be hard to figure out the appropriate outfit but not impossible.

[Plucky]

Hi Bloopsy,
first of all, (((((((((((((((((((bloopsy))))))))))))))))))
I'm glad to hear you sounding better.  I also would like to address the looks issue.  No one should be judged on their looks.  No one is better or worse because of their wardrobe.  If other people think so, than those people are wrong.  I think you look fine.  I love the idea of a world where people can go about in pajama bottoms and no one gets an attitude.

However, these silly folk might still be able to cause you problems based on their erroneous attitudes. 

One approach, if dressing each day is not something you always have the wherewithal to attack effectively, is to kind of have a uniform.  Once I found something I liked, I would buy several tops the same, bottoms the same, in different colors, and be able to mix and match, and not have to think about it so much, on those challenging days when there is no time or bandwidth to do it properly.  If you are shopping at vintage shops it can be more challenging.

How are you doing?
Plucky

[Bloopsy]

Hey ((((Plucky))))))))) I am doing alright, just feeling sort of tired out and stuff, how about you?? Thank you for those wardrobe ideas--- that reminds me of when I used to read womens' magazines and they would always diagram out wardrobe solutions!!!!! That was always exciting to me. I admit that I am having an easier time of it lately--- I think it is the little things like a manicure and neat hairstyle--- I think that that is part of my self sabotage or something-- i love to do nails but am always withholding a manicure from myself under some pretense or another and compulsively losing my manicure set!! I think it is because I was always shamed over liking nailpolish when i was little as if it was a horrible crime. Anyway that sounds helpful to set up a base wardrobe of basic things and this way be ready for those days when it's too hard to put together a thing!!! Today I am wearing a black below the knee skirt with my  beige houndstouth jacket and only have to worry about hair and nails for now.

My problem right now is that I am having weird physical problems/symptoms -- my back and neck hurt and this morning when I woke up my whole arm was paralyzed and it took like five minutes to get moving again--that has never happened to me before. I am trying to get in touch with this woman who may be able to help refer me to another chiropractor-- but I admit that I am stalling and looking at the computer and mooning over my new crush, who is a big sweetie. I am pretty scared about my arm, and the weird dental stuff, but am sort of stalled out over dealing with these things. I have just had such bad help lately with docors and everything I have this secret fantasy that maybe I can learn to live without them!!!!!!!!!!! whatev to that!!!! It seems like a good idea to make it a longterm goal to find some good doctors or something---- there is a clinc around the corner that I can go to but I just hate them because they treat me like a crazy person and that is just not okay----ick. 

((Plucky) I hop you are having a good day, thank you for writing Love, Bloopsy

[Marta as guest]

Bloopsy,

My sis also used to give me these wardrobe comments.  Once I had bought a lovely formal office dress with a little bit of a shape to it, and she told me, "I'd NEVER wear this! I prefer clothes that don't show the shape of your body!" Not suprizing, since I have a very nice figure, and she is about forty pounds heavier than me! SHe always wanted to get me to wear dowdy clothes that would be right for her. Just chalk off T comments to her own destructiveness and envy. If you are really unsure about this, seek opinion of a saleswoman in a store, or someone at AA. I doubt if much could be wrong with your wardrobe, from the way you describe it. So empty this garbage they dumped into you for their own reasons, and wear the clothes you love with pride and joy.

Love and many hugs back to you too. M.

[Bloopsy]

I admit that sometimes I feel like wearing a dress made out of fake blood just for "fun".

[Plucky]

Wow!  That's creative!  I wonder how it works, logistically...
A friend once told me, everything we wear is a costume.  it is all pretend anyway.  You sound very adventurous.  All the more reason not to succumb if anyone is trying or has tried to knock that wonderful thing out of you, probably just because they don't have it.
you're sounding
Plucky

[Bloopsy]

Hey Marta-- I'm sorry you are dealing with that---- I know how hard it is when someone elses words are poisoning your reality and life and it sucks. My mom is sort of the opposite--- she tells stories about how great my dad was, well she romatisizes him when all I knew of him was a shivering cruel tounged drunk, even though he did make a few attempts to protect me, and I was greatful for that, and he was my dad and whatever and I love him and I did always think that he really loved me too and I did get a glimpse of something else in him the thing that was being destroyed by his alchoholism. My mom sort of does the opposite--- she goes on and on about all these things about my dad that i never got the chance to see, and that makes me fele really bad because I'm like feeling even more cheated, and also it makes me feel scared because the total lack of connection to anything that was real for me makes me doubt my sanity. Also, it makes me be a scarily bad judge of character, and got into the habit of writing off someone esles behavior thinking that oh, well really they are this great person they just are not nice to me, or whatever, and I probably deserve it, blah blah blah. Needless to say I have been intimately involved with two murderers in my adult life!! Also cruel people where I just "don't notice" the mean way they are and then get all hurt and numb over it for instance my therapist ick. For me that is the effects of that. , 

What is going on with you with that??Is she trying to take all the love or something by  downing your dad???  That sounds really hard, ick, I hate when people try to mess with other peoples reality for their own benefit, ick.

[Bloopsy]

I really do love my dad and whatever, I guess it just made me really jealous and angry how my mom had  good memories of him and I had none and like she just siphons off everything good in life for herself which leaves me with nothing. That is how I feel.