Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Facing the monster
Plucky:
One more thing and then I will shut up finally. You say you want him to love your baby. Well, even if he were capable of love, which we all know he is not, you do not want him to love your baby. Because then he would be around. Forever and ever, amen. With a little effort, he will be indifferent to your lovely son (great!) and sometimes forget about him (better!). This is your goal. Portray your son as an undifferentiated lump, as surviveandgrow detailed. Make him out to be someone who will never ever be a decent source of supply. And then raise him also not to be a source of supply (blood) for the vampire who is your X.
An adamant
Plucky
Cadbury:
Plucky - you do not have to shut up! This advice is exactly what I need! The video was a mistake. he asked me for some and I couldn't think of an answer fast enough... this is where I berate myself endlessly. I need to get better at just saying no and not feeling I owe him anything. :(
Thank you :)
Sela:
Oh Dear Cadbury! Please don't berate yourself! You are doing a marvelous job so far! Really, you are. And you will get better at it, as needed, if needed!
But......since you asked, here's my version of the perfect response to TH:
TH: Hello Cadbury, how is our baby boy?
Cadbury: OOOeeeeeew! It's you! Go away!!
TH:: Good
TH:: I managed to get the video you sent me working, he's very keen.
Cadbury: Oh dear! I must have sent that by mistake. Oh well! You can see he's not like you at all!
TH: Ahh
TH: What time are we meeting on Saturday? Did you find out anything else regarding *contact centre 1*?
Cadbury: What am I? An information booth? Go find out yourself you big TH!!
TH: Did I not have to send in a referral?
Cadbury: How the heck should I know boob brain?
TH: Okay, you will let me know then?
Cadbury: Maybe in your next life dumbo. Clean your ears out!
TH: I have an exam tomorrow an *other son* is collecting his award for his GCSE in front of the school thursday evening
TH: just thought I'd let you know incase I'm not here
Cadbury: As if I care whether or not you are even on the planet or about your plans to do anything tomorrow. Pretty hard up aren't you, for someone to notice? Not me! See ya, bye!!
TH: Have dead rotting mice in loft
TH: next door poisoned the ones living in his loft and they legged it into mine to get away and dropped dead, so have a house that resembles lord of the flies
Cadbury: Hahahaha! I see your next door neighbour's plan!! Are you sure it's the mice those flies are after? You're right though, they love dead, rotting, poisonous stuff. Gotta go.
TH: Big juicy blw flies too
TH:: I won't bother you anymore, so I'll say goodnight, does A like his bear? Can he hear my voice?
Cadbury: Bother me? Not possible TH. Not by you or other rodents. They're just a nuisance but there are fumagators who deal with it. Hear your voice? Ha!! I through that out ages ago! See ya, bye.
TH: Well give him a kiss goodnight from me please, goodnight Cadbury, sleep well.
Cadbury: I don't think so but thanks for asking. Oh.....yes. I sleep very well now that all the rodents are gone. See ya bye.
( :P :shock: 8) :shock: :roll: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :lol:)
Guess ya can't use that one eh?
You're doing sooooo much better than I would be! You're my new heorine Cad.
:D Sela
SurviveAndGrow:
Oh waw ! Sela... Great ! Would you like to come and live with us to repell our rodents?
Cadbury,
I think you are on the right track. Keep learning. You are totally right: Say 'no' and
indeed you do not owe anything to this freak. He is out of your life. He does not deserve
you.
I was just going to add two comments following Plucky's revised discussion (besides that the 'oh'
answer is really good).
1) Try to substitute 'good' by 'nothing special' as much as possible. Follow up by
'no' when asked 'really? There must be something special. People must say he is beautiful.'.
You might like to try things like 'just average', etc... Hopefully, this freak will think that you
'polluted' his genes (Not the son you hold in your arms, the other one. The fantasy view he
has of.) and slowly leave. Send the movies, pistures, etc... to Plucky or some of your friends or your
neighbors, not to the freak. :-)
You do not want him to think that you are a good bearer of his past and future (sorry for the
awful vision. It will NEVER happen.) kids. Let him think that he made a mistake by 'selecting' you.
2) I think that you are probably right on the 'polite distance'. My instinct is rather to avoid contact
(Oh well, I probably have pretty bad post-traumatic disorders by now). You do not have to have
any relations with this freak except during the legal obligatory times. He is not a member of your
family. I would recommend to not consider him as a member of your son family either. Do you see
what I mean? He is a stranger. It happens that he is the father of your son. Forget it. It is
not 'really' family. And it is NOT YOUR FAULT! (Don't feel guilty of anything. The 'mistake'
you made gave you a wonderful A :-).) Just go with the legal obligatory contacts.
So... I am little long to say: a) don't hesitate to say 'I need to go. Bye.'.
b) I am ready to bet that it is possible in YIM (I know it is in AIM) to filter who can see you...
Hm... hm... You do not need to change your ID, he does not know that you filtered him (no power trip),
and you can live in your 'safe world'. Note that this option in YIM is because you have the
RIGHT to do it. You also have the POWER to use it.
Finally, it might be good to give a thought to Sela's strategy of inverting the power but I am
not sure of what the reactions will be (any woman who managed to or tried to tame a male N
who could recommend on this?). I am pretty sure the distance strategy will work.
You're doing great.
That's all I needed to say. (I am going to fade away from here at least for a little bit.) Keep posting.
I am sure that A is a good boy and that he will grow into a good man,
SurviveAndGrow.
Sela:
--- Quote ---Sela... Great ! Would you like to come and live with us to repell our rodents?
--- End quote ---
S&G, as I wrote:
--- Quote ---...there are fumagators who deal with it.
--- End quote ---
Besides, I'm too busy picking bits of dried goo out of my own wounds. No time for small things that scamper about your place in the night. Try the yellow pages? Thanks for the invite though...(I think :shock: :?).
Sela
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