Hi Hopalong,
Reading your story reminded me of some incidents in my childhood related to food and clothing. Not pretty memories. I remember sitting in front of a bowl of cold, slimy oatmeal with that film on it that oatmeal gets when it congeals. The raisins had been cooked with the oatmeal and they had blown up to the size of marbles. They looked like eyeballs and were also cold. I had tears running down my face as I just couldn't choke it down, but M wouldn't let me leave the table until I did. I always "cleaned my plate" if that was required, so I wasn't being rebellious--just had a visceral reaction to the horrid oatmeal. I guess I must have finally eaten it, but that's a memory that is missing some details. I've just started eating oatmeal (never cold) by choice the last few years.
You won't be like your mother when you have children because you will be so aware of how parents can cause their children pain. You might have to fight the tendency to be too lenient, at least I do/did, as a reaction to the harshness you experienced. On the plus side, I'm very aware of my childrens' feelings and consciously try to validate them. There have been very occasional times when I've "blown it" with them and yelled or said something I wish I hadn't (mostly when exhausted), but I always apologize. I tell them I love them every day. Even my adult boys tell me they love me at the end of every phone call or visit. My oldest once wrote in a card to me that he always knew, growing up, that I acted in his best interests. (I kept the card--definitely a keeper.)
It always amazes me that my children share so much with me. If something is really bothering them, they tell me about it. They know I'll listen and will take them seriously. That's not to say its been a bed of roses. One of my children has mental illness, and she has/was extremely difficult. But, her illness is biologically based and I don't feel responsible for it.
You will be a great mother! Please don't deprive yourself of that because of how your parents treated you. That gives them way too much power.
Gail
