I'm sorry it's more disappointment for you, but in a way- maybe it will help you make a break and from now on view any communication with at first suspicion and finally detachment.
Of course you didn't steal her files. WE KNOW THAT!
If so would she really be writing nice messages one minute, nasty the next.
If she really was a together person and she thought her daughter was stealing from her she'd be on the phone in an honest way immediately trying to figure what the hell is going on.
But she knows your weaknesses- one of which I'm guessing is you hate to be put in these positions of conflict.
Maybe sometimes you've even given in to her and gone down the path of trying to reason with her etc.
In fact I'm guessing if you posed the honest question to her: are you accusing me of theft? she would prevaricate and not want to say so directly.
She is, as you have reported before, behaving manipulatively, trying to get your emotions hooked in so you can't think straight and you take on her view of the world. ie do what she wants or thinks she needs.
And in some ways Vunil is right- she doesn't get it; she thinks she's being a loving mother to a somehow wayward daughter, in her twisted world.
My father would justify his behaviour by waiting until the next bipolar cycle came around and then telling everyone- in hushed tones- I had 'a bit of depression'.
He was so convincing I fell for it loads of times, even though I have a problem with mania more than depression!
The week my son was born there was a major family crisis when my brother almost died- my father told me I should leave my newborn and be at the hospital with him; I was very bonded to that child, and refused: later he told me I'd had post-natal depression and been very unreasonable!
What you need is a family time out.
Where you step down from whatever roles you play in your family for a while and adopt a detachment to them.
Plan your own holidays, respond to their notes with a brief postcard, use your answer machine.
Tell them you're busy working...whatever you want. Or nothing at all if you don't want.
They won't like it, but you have to know- it's your life. We don't HAVE to be there for our family at all times. Normal families know this, and allow that space.
Toxic families never allow for people's individual needs.
If you have a toxic family the first thing is to learn to take care of yourself, independent of what they say or how much they criticise.
Trust me- I've almost completely done this ( it still hurts sometimes, when they deliberately leave me out,but I'm getting to realise it's worth it)
They're not nearly so fearsome once you stop answering letters, calls or feeling responsible to their time-frame.
And remember- I have not lost touch with any of my family, I just finally learned that they need me more than I need them, and though I will never be abusive or cruel, from now on I do my life my way, if they want a part of that, wonderful, if not, they can expect a void of silence because I have better things to do with my middle-age than pander to people who take far more than they give.
Keep going,
You're on the brink of a discovery- FREEDOM!
(((((((((((((((((((((((MORE HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
