Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

I am scared I might be a "N"

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Anika:
The fact that you RECOGNIZE that you may have a problem tells me that you are not a "N"...yet. It is important that you learn all that you can about this disorder and that you seek counseling so that you can learn to further recognize the malignancies associated with it. This will help you to avoid these destructive behaviors in the future. Remember, this disorder only gets worse with time. Act now while you are still cognative of the possible problem. In time your views may become distorted and down the road it could be YOUR child writing in about his/her N-mom. :(

Chris:
This board has been such a wake up call for me as an N.  (That and my wife of 8 years cheated on me last summer). I pushed my wife away due to my intolerable behavior.  How did she put up with it for so long? If only I had seen something like this years ago.

I'm making an appointment for a therapist on Monday.  Does anyone
know of any sites for N recovery?  I'm a little scared  that i'll never change.
I think God led me here.  My faith has been the only other thing besides
this site that has made a large impact on how I treat others.


Chris

CC:
You are very brave, Chris, to discover this about yourself and want to examine it, and want to change.  The fact that you discuss it here, amongst "strangers", indicates you are sincere... because what motivation would you have to post if you did not really believe this about yourself?  Here, there is no one that you wish to manipulate or victimize. This will heed the possibility of change for you.

I recommend visiting the other forum on this website, "things that have helped" or some such title.  You will find invaluable resources there for a start - books, websites, and others.

Chances are that if you are truly a narcissist, you have come from a narcissistic parent.  Therefore, I think you might already be in the right place.  I think perhaps the place to start is to explore that possibility, and do some healing and acknowledgement in the area of your family origin.  And, they may not have been narcissistic, but dysfunctional in another way that caused you to defend yourself with narcissistic behavior.  In any case, you will not be able to "heal", or acknowledge your true self, if you do not do this first.

Many of us here have many narcissistic traits, and most of us came from narcisstic parents.  I know I can speak for myself that I have been working on changing my own narcissistic traits as I heal from my Nmother's inflictions and abuse at the same time.

Be gentle with yourself.  Discovering this can be very eye opening and painful, because you begin to realize how you've hurt others (I have).  Some people here may argue that you can never change, but I disagree.  It depends on your degree of narcissism, and how much you are willing to do to change. Acknowledgement is the first step.  Good luck in your quest.

Chris:
CC,

Thank you.  Your post was warm, inciteful and helpful.   I called
my mother to ask if my father possesed any of those traits.
She said he was always very giving.  She isn't really an N either.
I'm starting to think that maybe the dysfunctionality combined
with my wife and I having a child at 17 could have something
to do with it.  We had a very rocky beginning.

However, I feel like I must remember there are no excuses.
I could have done things differently.  My plan now is to
see a therapist and continue reading and re-reading posts
on this site.  You mentioned realizing how i've hurt others.
That has really sunk in.  You're right, it's painful.  But
it has to be for the best because i'm already treating complete
strangers differently when i'm at work, the store, etc.
This site is such a blessing.

Thanks for the welcoming post and God bless,

Chris

Nic:
Dear Chris,
i'd like to ditto what CC has said.  I have every confidence that if God led you here you'll be able to find forgiveness from those you've hurt but also forgiveness from yourself to yourself.
God knows how difficult it is to live down here, may you have a wonderful new year 2004.  The more i travel down the  road of recovery from all the hurt my N parents caused me and continue to cause me, and the more I read about other peoples' experiences with the dynamic, the more the hurt takes its proper place in my life.  It is comforting to know we're not alone and it's so strange to stop and notice just how many of us, if not all of us, are hurting. I hope you'll get as much support here as I did.
The truth will set us all free.
Blessings, Nic

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