Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?
Children of Narcissistics
CeeCee:
All in fun here, can there be such a thing as "normal" children of Ns? :) - :lol:-----
ERIKA:
HI HELENA,
My father is also a narcissicist..i was his whipping post. My mother was happy i was around because then he was not abusing her...in fact she helped him to turn me into an emotional cripple at a very early age by twisting everything back on me.
He would through a temper temper because i was holding my spoon wrong, but when i would scream back at him, she would tell me to think about how i came acorss...always my fault.
You know this feeling right?
I will tell you that I am also in my forties...AND finally got to the point where i told my mom that i did not want to talk to her for a few years.....
YES SOMETIMES IT TAKES THAT LONG...SO first off do not let anyone make you feel badly about it.
Secondly, having the baby is probably heightening your awareness of what is going on with your parents and the boyfriend.
I would not be surprised if you are seeing it very very clearly now.
I will tell you what has helped me....Zen Training.
You do Yoga already, which requires you to concentrate on breathing and yoga postures and you do meditation. This is great stuff...on the off chance that you do not do Zen..
Zen mind training is where you actually detatch from your thinking and notice that it is not you.
Like that abusive INTROJECT in our heads, that most adult children of narcissists are gifted with..watch it.
Don't argue with it...just detach from it (easier said than done) and tell yourself,"oh look there goes that intorject telling me bad things again".
I am reccomending it because it can help you like nothing else i am aware of..I especially reccomend books by Cheri Huber, Eckhart Tolle is good to.
THIS WILL HELP YOU TO SPERATE THE CRAZY CONDITIONED THINKING THAT YOU HAVE INHERITED FROM YOUR PARENTS, FROM REALITY...AND YOURSELF.
Of course they are going to treat you like you are stupid and crazy..it is called projection.
They project all their flaws onto you.
Hang in there...
All of us who have suffered similarly i am sure are behind you..
About the article.
I am not sure what normal is..
People tell me that there is nothing wrong with me...but i have always felt completely broken inside.
That is okay, because i can recognize it...
Hopalong:
Hi Erika,
I don't know how someone as smart and articulate as you could be completely broken. Your heart may have been broken by abuse, but I think sometimes they heal in mysterious ways. We take new shapes.
You have a gift for explaining and encouraging...I can tell that.
I'd like to learn more about this, if you'd be willing..I'm not familiar with the term:
--- Quote ---Like that abusive INTROJECT in our heads, that most adult children of narcissists are gifted with...
--- End quote ---
Thank you...and welcome!
Hopalong
Erika:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on May 16, 2006, 06:11:44 PM ---Hi Erika,
I don't know how someone as smart and articulate as you could be completely broken. Your heart may have been broken by abuse, but I think sometimes they heal in mysterious ways. We take new shapes.
You have a gift for explaining and encouraging...I can tell that.
I'd like to learn more about this, if you'd be willing..I'm not familiar with the term:
--- Quote ---Like that abusive INTROJECT in our heads, that most adult children of narcissists are gifted with...
--- End quote ---
Thank you...and welcome!
Hopalong
--- End quote ---
Hi Hopalong,
Sorry i have a friend who is doing his masters in psychology..he gave me a book called
"Trapped in the Mirror". he and i talk alot, because his Mom was borderline...this is where i picked up the term "introject"
"(psychoanalysis) a parental figures (and their values) that you introjected as a child; the voice of conscience is usually a parent's voice internalized ".
http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=introject
I don't know about smart or articulate...but, i think that ALL of us that suffered in such a way, have an innate sensitivity,or we would never have been subjected to that kind of abuse...just remember, it can turn you into a formidaible adult.(Jeez these letters are way too small ...getting reading glasses)
Many of us who were targeted by that kind of abuse have a weird gift called "Empathy"...the problem with that kind of abuse, is that it can actually numb you out, so you cannot even know what your own emotions are..(you have absorbed so much from your own family, you don't know what is yours anymore)
This society is hiding from itself, hiding behind personas, running from themselves, to varying degrees.
In terms of energy, this saps huge amounts of vital energy to keep this up..but embracing and turning your eye to observe the shadow, of who you are telling yourself you are, or have been conditioned to believe you are is far too painful...so it is easier to "go unconscious' become unaware with drugs, alcohol, TV, whatever your fix is...
When someone is very badly damaged by toxic conditioning it makes it that much more difficult to Dance with the Devil...the unacknowledged aspects of yourself that you had to stuff deep down to survive.
(some call this the shadow)
The point is, that ts is an incredibley painful journey...but you ALL have potential like no other because of this..you have the potential to become integrated and whole that others do not..because you are more aware and are having to face this....so you have been made to take the side of this that is damaging and hurtful...now it is time to embrace the side that offers the potential to soar to the heights..
And by heaven...WE CAN DO THIS.
Erika:
--- Quote from: moonlight52 on May 17, 2006, 03:37:16 PM ---HI Erika , Do not argue with the introject and detach I love this .I was a whipping post by n father.I have come to a point of viewing
N-DAD as emotional cripple but we shall see maybe he can reflect on his life.I need no emotion from him . It would be nice but I am not holding my breath .I seem to be on my way to emotionally detaching.Yes I have some understanding of ZEN be the spaces between the words ...............................................................I want to learn more.
The gift within the problem
Hops I so agree Erika your healing heart transformation is a marvel .
Welcome
Love and Light
Moonlight
--- End quote ---
Hi Moonlight...
It is REALLY HARD sometimes, isn't it?
There are days when that introject jabbers away like Hitler on crack...
I have found Cheri Huber's books Awesome..(she has manic depression and had a rotten childhood) and she makes things so simple.
"How To Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be"..has a good method.
Her book " There Is Nothing Wrong With You" quite frankly.....kicks butt.
She explains how the conditioning sets in...how you can uncover it..
Shinzen Young has a series on CD called The Science of Enlightenment...which is pretty good, although expensive..
(you might know about these already)
From what i am understanding...your mind is a tool, it is not actually YOU..
You are the awareness behind the mind..depending on who you listen to, who is teaching.
You can step back, and watch your mind jabber away...
Now the reason this is helpful is that when the mind starts Picking at you, telling you bad things..
It can stir up the emotions...which re-enforces what the mind is telling you because you feel bad...So the mind then says.."see i told you so", which feeds back into the emotions again, making you feel worse...
It can keep going like this if you identify with it.
If you can detach from it and observe it..you stop giving it energy, and it dies out..
It is difficult though...and you have to stay aware and vigilant..
Also if you are into "energetics"...you may know that emotions have energy..and emotions that have had to be stuffed are trapped energy.
(this is actually what yoga postures are all about, unfreezing that energy)
People that have been abused as kids get something coming up that feels really awful...it has the energy of compulsion to it...and it is the trauma from past emotions that surfaces...some people call them Energy cysts..
I know that sounds far fetched...but i have felt these..usually in my chest or solar plexus...they are really nasty..
Maybe you have experienced them too, i have talked to many who have.
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