Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?
Children of Narcissistics
Portia:
Hi Helena
I just read your post. Keep talking to people! Staying silent doesn’t help anyone. Are there any groups you could join locally, where you are? Any groups for adult abused children? Your library or doctor may have information about this. Make sure you keep talking please.
Becoming 40 is a big milestone and I think when we pass 40 we see things differently: and it is a chance to stop the lies we have believed for so long. We have the chance to do things differently.
They might have wrecked the first 40 years of your life but you now have the chance to live the rest of your life knowing that you are okay!
It’s okay to ask for help. Please find someone to talk to, someone you can trust.
Lol = lots of love? Lots of love to you Helena. Take care of yourself.
Healing&Hopeful:
Hi Helena
I cannot imagine what you must be going through, to have your beautiful baby daughter taken away and have to see these people every day who are so mean to you. Sending you strength and big hugs to get through this time.
From your post I can hear how unhappy you are. Is there anyone around who can help, who you look up to, any charity or doctor? Anyone you trust that you can turn to at this time?
I'm a firm believer in "you can't change anyone else, you can only change yourself". Do you not deserve to be treated with love and respect from your parents? Do you not deserve to be treated with love and respect from your boyfriend? They are not going to change, so is there any way you can change how you deal with them? These are not questions I'm looking for answers to, just questions that maybe you can ask yourself, to give you something to think about and you can reply on here if you would like to, but please don't feel there is any pressure to.
For me anyway, I find it helps to to write things down... ask myself questions and write down ways to overcome problems. I also find it helps to write down what I think is my responsibility and what responsibility I think belongs to the other person. As a child of an n dad, I have had difficulty in this dept.
As Portia says, keep asking for help. I believe in you Helena, I believe you have the power within you to achieve what you want to achieve.
You take care hon
H&H xx
Sela:
Dear Helena:
So sorry to hear of all you've been through and all you are dealing with. :( :(
Please do not lose hope. Keep trying to do your best and do find someone you can trust to talk with. Even a women's shelter may be able to direct you to help. Keep looking and trying.
Big hug to you ((((((((((((((((Helena)))))))))))))))
Sela
helena:
hi thanks for the answers now a couple of more days have gone and my parents are so incredibly stupid however I have started to talk and I am somewhat glad that all this shit with the socials have happened because it has made everything come out to the surface. I am and I was so happy for my little beautiful baby she is 4 months today. I am so surprised about the narcissisitical bit with my parents sometimes however I think they want me to die before them and that's why they are so mean to me. THey never wanted me to have children in the first place. It's actually they who have given me all this shit all my life. But I am so astonished why on earth do one want to hurt once children because I think it has happened since I was very young. I have come to understood that my father is a tvångsneurotiker he only thinks about his death and also ofcourse of the heritage. They have never told me how much money they have but since he has worked 47 years and has been retired since 1998. And for christmas present he lended me librarybooks at the library. Now he hasn't given me anything for several years except the terrible bookshelf which not even the redcross want in return. my mother I think the secret might be that hermother was a retarded or something and perhaps my fathers family was a good one and she has been eating sherries all her life and maybe that means that she wants to revenge herself against my father's mother who maybe not accepted my mother but are they so mean to me. Eacn time I go therewhen I leave is a nightmare.THey just give me the girl and then they go downstairs. THen they come up and say that I am cracy when I am not.
TOday I said that my mother was a nazi because I think she is. THe father of my child only thinks about money and I don't want to marry him. BUt maybe to get out I have to go in. Thanks again bye bye
portia guest:
Hello again Helena. Your relationship with your parents seems very difficult - they do not sound like loving, helpful parents but instead appear to make you feel bad about yourself. As a new mother yourself you need all the help you can get - and you deserve help! I do hope you can find kind, intelligent people to talk to and to share your problems with. Not your parents! :(
When we think we're alone with our problems, life can seem terrible. But if we can talk to other people who understand us, the problems are less.
I think you are in Sweden? One writer (a psychotherapist) we have talked about here is Alice Miller. Her books can be very helpful for people like us. She is German I think and has an approach based upon our European history. For me she helps to explain our history and why some of our parents behave as they do. Have you read any of her books? She has a website in French and German as well as English: http://www.alice-miller.com/index.htm
You are not alone. We are different to our parents and we can live our own lives, away from their shadows. best wishes, portia
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