close to giving up

[Hopalong]

Hi folks,

I'm so discouraged about the job situation. What's at stake is keeping our home. It's a huge thing for me and I just feel defeated. I tried for almost 7 years to get the job I have now and I feel I've been used and not treated well there. What's more, I'm forced to train the young friend of mine I talked about earlier...the one who's been a "pushy-guru" kind of person in my life, to take over my job. While I'm shunted into a different position that is going to expire in 6 months.

Young Snarky-N boss had his way. I defied him once, one day, and very briefly, when I was exhausted from caring for my mother after her surgery...and his response in essence is to potentially wreck my life.

In six months, in this town, my chances of finding anything remotely comparable are quite slim.

So it's a blue time. Thanks for listening,
Hopalong

[miss piggy]

Hiya Hoppy,

Don't give up hope!  I'm hoping this is a blessing in disguise in the long run.  Chin up, kiddo!!

Hugs, MP

[Plucky]

Hi Hoppy,
you are such a wonderful person and I hate to see you feeling so desperate.

And all because you stood up to the idiot once!  Why, you could have gone along for years with your head down and licked his toes to keep this job!  One moment of personality and poof!

All this to say, do not blame yourself.  Remember that he is the jerk and what you did was normal.  He ought to have some compassion.   Wouldn't you?  And if it's that easy to lose it, it would have happened sooner or later. 

So this is very uncomfortable for you now.  But do not blame yourself.  And do not give up hope.    You have some months to sort things out.  Use them wisely.  Try not to suffer.   You cannot foresee everything now!  So don't think nothing good could be on the horizon.

If you have a mortgage, you can usually refinance or get a forebearance, if you have financial hardship.  Read up on it in your mortgage docs before you talk to anyone at the lender.  It is not a done deal that you lose your house.  It sounds like you're drawing a straight line from your behaviour that day to the upcoming day in July to losing your house and who knows where else your apprehension is leading your thoughts.  Imagine different scenarios.  Good ones.  Think about the good possiblities.

If you have to, you can take in a student renter.   

You might have to talk to people about your situation in order to get ideas.

My thoughts are on you.
Plucky

[Healing&Hopeful]

((((((((((Hoppy))))))))))

Huge hugs to you sweetie.  I kinda know how you feel as quite a few years ago now, I was made redundant and given a month's notice.  I had no idea how I was going to keep a roof over my head, however I did get another employment within 3 weeks.

You have an amazing amount of strength, courage and empathy.  I know you could turn your hand to any kind of role because you have flexibility and adaptability.  You also have the power to get a better position that your in now.  As I said in your previous post "As one door closes, another one opens".... time for you to find that open door.  January is always a good time for job hunting as most companies wait until after the christmas season is over to advertise.

I believe in you Hoppy... I know you can get through this and come out of the other side smiling!

Lots of love

H&H xx

[Hopalong]

Thanks MP, Plucky, H&H...so much.

I know I'm just letting my mood fall for a bit but I know I'm not even allowing for hope.
And that's stupid.

Thanks for reminding me and being ever-kind shoulders to whine on!

BIG hugs to all of you.
Gratefully,
Hopalong

[write]

what is a house? Or any material stuff?
If you can't keep it all up downsize and be content.

We need so much less than we think we do, I am finding.

Now what about that writing....

xoxox

[SurviveAndGrow]

Don't give up Hopalong!

Very good things might come from all of this.  Your life will not stop.  It will follow
another path than the one you thought it would but this other path might be better...
or not... who knows.

I think you should not feel bad about teaching your 'pushy-guru' friend.  You lost
your job once.  There is no reason to feel everyday for the next 6 months that you
are losing it again.  Try to see this is the beginning of your new path.  Something
like this: Your 'pushy-guru' friend got a new job.  You know how to do this job.  You
help her or him because you know how to do it.  You might be surprised that on this
new path, this friend might help you in return. 

For the house, I agree that you should look into different options (renter, mortgage,
moving in another town?, etc...) and if it doesn't work, I agree with write.  You can
downsize.  Your home will be where you live.  This is still quite remote but it
would probably be easier on your mind if you accepted the idea to move to
another house. 

I am sure you will be able to find a good job.  Maybe not your dream job
as the one you lost (It would not have been such a dream in reality if you had to deal with
this boss) but a good job.  And the fact that it took you 7 years to find it does not change
anything to the fact that you found it and it does not mean that it will take 7 years to
find another good job.  You are competent.  Nobody can take you that.  Other more
normal people will want to hire you hopefully in a position similar to the one you just
left. 

I am sending you vibes,

SurviveAndGrow.

[Hopalong]

Hey Write, S & G,
Thanks much. I know you're right about a house is just a house.
I struggle with this one because the two kindest people in my childhood were my Dad and great-uncle, and they built it together.
It's so rare to be able to hold onto that, these days...
and it's the one stable place of my daughter's life. I wantso much to leave it to her one day.

I have a powerful attachment to this place because of them. Living simply doesn't bother me, I'm not a materialist. Get my clothes at the Goodwill and hate shopping. I just want to keep the house if I can.

But if I have to let it go...then I will have to.

Thanks too for the reminder to have the right attitude about passing on my job to my friend.
Sometimes his lack of empathy makes it hard. Like, when my friends' child died and then I got word another old friend had died and was looking sad, he said, oh don't get sad, just blow it off.

I have trouble shaking off loss...but I know I have to move forward.

Thanks for helping,
Hopalong

[CeeMee]

Hi Hoppy,

I was feeling super down in the dumps this morning (x-mas day), I decided to check in and see what is up with folks and saw your post.  As is usually the case, it made me completely forget my own issue and refocus.  Thank you for that. 

When I read it, my immediate thought was, gee, Hoppy is making a giant leap here.  You've already forclosed on the house and left your poor daughter destitute. 

That won't happen Hoppy.  You are too nice, too talented, and too smart for any of that to happen.  This is just a passing rain cloud.  I have no doubt that you will rebound from this stronger than ever.  This is a test of your fortitude and determination.  My guess is without ever having met you and from only reading your posts, that you have plenty of all of the above. 

Please tell us more about the exact type of work you are doing.  Describe this ideal job you have.  Let's see what ideas and opportunities we all can think of.

Happy Holiday Hoppy

CeeMee

[Hopalong]

Aww, bless you, CeeMee. Thanks.
I'll detail my skills in another post soon, but most of all, thanks for reminding me to stop catastrophizing.
Too many jobs in recent years...but under all this, I know my anxiety disorder is making it hard to be positive and calm.

So I am going to do this short-term step: ask my doc for an Rx.
That will certainly help.

I'm already "networking"--even slipping my resume and references to our hosts at a Xmas buffet today!

Thank you all so much...I realized with your post CeeMee, about the giant leap, that it really is the panic disorder distorting my capacity to be optimistic. Thank you.

Hopalong