They are so predictable

[seasons]

del

[Healing&Hopeful]

(((((((((Seasons)))))))))

Well done for getting through the day and not having any dramas, apart from the usual ones.  I feel it great that you can see them for what they are:-
I find it interesting one of my N sisters is content with bragging about herself while the other N is mourning because she thrives on sympathy type attention.
My bio dad is a mixture of this which probably makes him seem so creepy.

Regarding your sister's tooth, I can imagine that you are possibly feeling angry?  I think most people would be... either that or she got it fixed in a hurry, but she still used you for her poor me campaign.

I'll have to say again.... well done you for getting through the day....

Now.... what's the pamper thing you've got planned for you today?  As a treat for getting through it...

Take care

H&H xx

[write]

Hi Seasons

it's not boring, in fact if I ddin't know first hand the health costs of such permanent drama I'd have to say - a writer couldn't dream this material...


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[Cadbury]

(((((seasons)))))

Well done for getting through the day... I know how bad ONE N can be, let alone a whole family full. I really admire you for getting through it

Regarding talking about their looks.... my exN thought he was the most gorgeous man on the planet. Everywhere we went he would say things like "Do you see that girl looking at me? She obviously fancies me. It happens all the time. Don't worry though... I have chosen you". Honestly! He said that so much and made me feel so lucky to be with him . I must have been insane to have put up with it. The best of it is: he really isn't anything special. He's not ugly, but he's not drop dead gorgeous either. Just average I guess. It's hard to remember actually now, I hate him so much that his whole appearance has distorted in my mind as being a hideous, grotesque mess....

Hugs again... now go and do something YOU like..

[Marta]

Seasons, you did superb in taking the first step and telling them you decided not to go for lunch. Now next time around, if they misunderstand your NO into  a YES!, rather than saying yes why not develop a fracture or slip disc, that'd keep you out of commisssion for the lunch! Now the doctor could x-ray you post-lunch find that it was only a sprain. 

Of course, the best way is to send another email explaining that you really meant no, not yes, but that kind of defense is developed only slowly, one step at a time. SO I am glad that you've taken one step and survived it.

BTW, what was your mom like?

[seasons]

Thanks everyone!

[Healing&Hopeful]

(((((((Seasons))))))))

I LOVED your memory of your dad taking you to get your portrait done.... to me it felt so heartwarming and lovely and it's great to hear what your Dh did. 

I agree with what Jac says about a controlling mechanism.  If someone lies and then denies it, or says they don't want to talk about it, nothing ever get resolves (a key trait with N's it's seems!).  This is what I find the most frustrating.

My sister told me she couldn't sleep, worried the police where going to knock on her door and so on
This is another major N thing.... all about how it's affecting her, SHE couldn't sleep, police were going to knock on HER door.... nothing about the poor girl.  I feel sorry for her son and I don't even know him... I think poor kid, doesn't stand a chance.

So Seasons hon.... how did you end up with so many N's in your family?  Sorry.... you don't have to answer if you don't want too, my curiosity is getting the better of me!

Hugs

H&H xx

[Marta]

Hi Seasons,

I can feel your warmth for your mom spill all over your post. 

No, i don't think either that your mom could have protected you from your sisters while growing up. One N is more than a handful for us, so to have a houseful of them? If it was a husband, may be she could have divorced, but how could she have divorced her own children?

What about the abuse of your brother-in-law? Have you posted this elsewhere? It is typical and shameful for children to be subjected to sexual abuse, and most don't mention a word of it to anyone. I didn't either.

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hi H&H,

I don't know why. Am I suppose to know how? I'm serious, is there a way of finding the source of this condition. Let me know I feel like I'm missing something.

Many thanks for your kind words, they meant a lot to me. seasons

Hi Seasons

No I don't believe your supposed to know how, or that there's a sure way to know where it came from, why they are like they are.... I just wondered if you had thought about it really, and had any thoughts on it....  I only asked because with my bio dad, my gut feeling tells me it's because of his childhood, because his Mum was mentally ill and went into hospital when he was a teenager.  His dad was an alcoholic so he didn't have a very stable upbringing.  However, from what I know of his sister, she seems quite balanced.  I believe that the different lives they lead are partly genetic and partly the personality we're born with.

H&H xx

[Healing&Hopeful]

(((Seasons)))

I do not understand how anyone could do what your BIL did.  I feel it must be so violating... there's no excuse for it and it is 100% the adults fault.

There was a catholic priest in the nearest town where my H grew up who abused young boys.  I cannot imagine what those poor boys went through at his hands.  My in laws (who are regular church goers) don't believe he's guilty.  And I feel it's because they don't want to believe it... they don't want to believe they associated with someone who did what he did to children, not only associated but who was a priest.  They cannot comprehend it, so they deny it.  It's what they believe to help them.  I can understand why they deny what they do. 

I find you very articulate, and honest and warm.  I hope you're still not afraid to speak out?  As I said on Plucky's post.... talking and posting about our thoughts and feelings validate them, it makes it more real.... and that alone starts helping.

Take care

H&H xx

[Hopalong]

Seaons,
Could I you possibly alert the authorities in his current town? Send them an anonymous letter!!! You wouldn't be the first victim to do it that way. The laws and culture around pedophilia are hardening a lot...and many officials might very possibly start to watch him closely, or identify him from other investigation.

Your alert might be what saves a child from a lifetime of suffering.

But to not say anything??? Please, this new little baby he might touch.
Not to mention any child he can get to ANYWHERE.

I can so understand the sense of paralysis that has kept you silent in the past...but you're stronger now.
And the children need you.

I think it would heal you SO much to do something about this.
If it's too overwhelming to take on alone, can you see a counselor and ask their help in exactly how to manage seeing it through, so you take it step by step...but soon?

Saving a child from that kind of touch...wouldn't that help to heal you?

I am so very sorry you were hurt that way.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Seasons)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hopalong

[Hopalong]

YOU have the power to help stop him (and you will not need to do it alone).
And heal yourself in the process.

I have faith in you, Seasons!!!!!
I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're smart, caring, and have learned so much.
Here is the most important way you could possibly put those hard lessons to use.

I am so glad you're thinking about how to move forward with this.

(((((((((((((Seasons))))))))))))))
And thank you, thank you, thank you from the little future NONvictims he won't be able to touch.

Hops