Hi Brigid, thanks for your post. I dallied about whether to reply or not and then thought it would be rude not to.
I thought about it not being your discussion. I think a lot about stuff (I am INTJ). Thing is, you’re commenting on the posts between Marta and me and I think that’s okay. You’re free to comment, we all are. No problems! You’re entitled.
I know Sela and Bean have commented too but I want to reply only to you here, I think that’s fair don’t you?
I don’t think I was discussing semantics, I don’t think I was expressing a viewpoint as such. I think I was trying to connect with Marta, to relate to what is going on in her mind with her posts. Not the discussion, but what is motivating the posts. I do that, all the time.
To me, it’s not about agreeing or disagreeing, it’s not about who is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. It’s more about ‘why’.
It’s about understanding why we do what we do, why we think what we think. And feel maybe.
I’m not hurt or angry. Okay yes, I did feel something and I wanted Marta to say how she thought I might feel. But that wasn’t to shout about my feelings: it was done deliberately to check out what Marta felt. Empathy check if you like. Now in saying that I could hit a big nerve. Whoo! Ns don’t have empathy right? But it’s not just Ns who might not show empathy. We can get wrapped up in our own heads so much that we fail to react to what is actually happening and instead react to what we think is happening. I did that loads of times. I’m doing it now, reacting to what I think has happened. I’m trying to do it with some clarity and calm and reflecting. Doesn’t mean I might not say something a bit off, a bit weird, hey I’m only human. But I’m not hurt or angry. I am still trying to communicate though. I don’t give up easily and that, in itself, may not be a good thing for me. I might get punched one of these days, on the street. But no-one gets hurt here.
Interesting about:
Plucky--who is the person we were trying to help
Are we all only helpers when we attempt to validate / advise / instruct / guide? Or are we helping when we tell our truth? Or both? Doesn’t it help me to write this? Doesn’t it help you to write your comments?
Maybe it helps Plucky to read our posts too? Maybe this recent exchange of posts helps other people? Is that possible?
I’m thinking deeply about all this Brigid. It’s the way I am.
Sorry for sticking my nose in where it probably doesn't belong,
I think you can comment on what you want to. The more people talk, the more they understand each other I think. Which I think is good.
but I've been a part of these struggles in the past and it tends to lead no where. Agree to disagree.
Maybe people don’t stick around to see it through? Maybe they feel they can’t stick it out? It’s hard work, thinking and expressing ourselves. Easier to throw up our hands and walk away. Much easier.
Peace. I’ve just been pondering ‘peace’ as a sign-off. How do we achieve peace? By talking. Not by lining up our tanks at our borders and silently glaring at each other (I’m thinking Egypt and Israel of old). That’s not peace. That’s silent hostility I think. Peace is achieved by genuine understanding and agreement.
Anyway, I’ve probably bored the pants off everyone if you got this far. If you did, thanks for reading. Now I better go and do stuff. Been here way too long again.
Sorry no, you replied later on:
Marta had already indicated that she wanted the discussion to end and Portia was continuing to engage.
Umm. That lays the blame with me eh? I’m the baddie here. Let’s not go there: that is my *feeling* about those words. That’s my immediate emotional reaction. So let’s look at the reality here: Marta wrote to me, I replied. Isn’t that okay, to reply to someone? Or should I just read and shut up? Rhetorical question (I’m still feeling here and letting you know my feelings). Then I wrote to Bean. I didn’t continue to engage with Marta. I stopped at my reply. Then you posted. So who was continuing what here?
I’ve not posted until today because I’d thought I’d reflect on the words.
And I’ve welcomed Marta back here because I can do that. If Marta wants to change her mind and talk to me, she can. If not, fine. I won’t go back and rehash her posts because there’s no point to me, without her participation. I won’t push it. But I haven’t said that I won’t talk to Marta. I won’t question her and so on but I will be civil and say hello etc.
I’ve been talking a lot about Marta here, indirectly, in reply to you Brigid. I’m not expecting Marta to reply because I’m talking to you. But Marta is free to do as she wishes, and so are you. And so am I.
Sorry this is so long but I don’t have time to make it shorter right now. I do have stuff to do.
Bye for now.
