Mudpuppy:
frequently certain threads devolve into partisan posts about the evils of this or that
Mud, as someone who started one of those what is evil threads and used R as an example of vil incarnated that ignited you way back, I will say this:
(a) When I wrote that R*****d was probably evil, I had no idea that it could make someone so angry, upset, whatever was the emotion you felt. I mean, I would be able to handle it if my political icons were mocked at, hence I thought that so can others.
(b) At the time, when you protested, I thought that it was just a political debate and you just wanted to gain an upper hand at politics, now that I know you better, I see that it is about your deeply seated beliefs and things that truly matter to you. So I will respect that, even if I don't agree with that.
(d) Mud, I promise not to demonize R or B or GWB or whoever, as I would not want to hurt feelings of my favorite Mud brother. I hope its OK with all if we demonize Saddam, we do need some symbols after all.
This resolution of conflict we had way back would have NEVER happened if you and had tried to
thrash out our conflicts back then, nor would I have developed a friendship with you if we had concentrated on what we didn't have in common, rather than what we do have in common. I think conflicts are resolved not by shouting from the rooftop that you are sob or #%&@$ or whatever, but by developing a relationship of genuine respect and trust for the other person and their positions. Not each and every member of the board have this type of relationship with each other, it is silly to imagine that. In such cases, rather than promoting acrimony in name of our holy cow, communication, I think it is best to disengage.
(e) I totally agree with Mud that there are a gazillion other places to discuss politics etc., so why bring it over to this board? Hurricane Caterina discussion was very traumatic for almost all of us. There was also a major fallout from that. One of my most favorite members, whose sole form of support is this board which she valued greatly, vanished because she felt attacked and was deeply hurt. It is a great loss to her, to me, and to the board. This is just one example. Do we really believe that we truly gained anything significant from that discussion that would counter such losses? Or if Caterina were to happen all over again, we would not have EXACTLY the same views?
(f) Having said that, I don't think that there is any way to ban what is discussed on this message board and what is not. The only way we can regulate the flow of what is discussed here is by making an active decision to not participate in any discussions that we don't find fruitful, refraining from responding to flames and bait, like a bus that passes through the board, but we, at least those of us who feel that these discussions are not fruitful, don't climb on it.
The most powerful aspect of gaining a voice is to knowing when to remain silent. (g) Every community has its buzz word which are used to bully its members into doing things they don't want to do. I was reading Ambivalent Zen by Shainberg in which he recalls how he was constantly badgered into lending his car, his possessions because the buzz word for Buddhism is selflessness. Similarly, the buzzword for
our board is
communication, so more or less any kind of abusive rant is tolerated here, even validated, as it is done in the name of a genuine desire to communicate. What does Dr. Grossman do when a thread gets too ugly? Does he say, hey guys, here, take more room and thrash it out? No. He locks it. Similarly, just as he makes this decision for the entire board, we must make that decision for ourselves as individuals. Each of us must have our own self-censorship where we "lock" ourselves out of a discussion and say that I will not participate if discussion degenerates to this level.
I think we sometimes "act out" boundary issues a little, but that's part of the healing from N stuff, I figure...
Hop, sorry, I disagree with the second part of your statement. I see the very same dramas staged by some of the same members albeit with different partners from the board. It is more like some people being stuck in the same issues and the board
enabling such behavior in name of our favorite buzz word, communication, which
prevents true healing. Some problems ought to be worked on from within, not without.
Hoppy, keep posting those poems!
