How I got to be overly responsible, unrealistically so, and so reliable I make myself sick, has been a puzzlement to me for a long, long time. As with all situations and reasons, how a child of an N turns out is too varied to lump into one description. The same goes for the degree of Nness that the N has (haha - oh boy). BUT, my personal opinion (hey, I actually get to have one !)
is that there are a whole host of children of N's out there who don't know it, don't care, may have become N's themselves, aren't perceptive enough to ever realize what happened, can't figure it out, have become mentally ill because of it, or their time for the light bulb to go off has not yet arrived, etc. What I am convinced of is that the type of people who found and post on this board are super-sensitive with a higher degree of perception, depth and substance than most and, it seems to me. are highly intelligent. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if we are in the minority of children of N's. I don't believe that these positive traits (are they positive?) are the product of "training" or anything passed on to us by our Nparents. It's just the way we are. I probably would have been this solid rock of dependability with strong work ethics, etc. regardless of my upbringing, but I would not have had the bothersome "need to please or I won't be loved" feeling. The longer I live the more I am amazed at the people who float through life without a clue, but in conflict, I grow more tolerant each day and realize that things are not always how they appear and to reserve judgment. You know, one time I tried to add up the years that I "wasted" -- that's what I did, waste a great deal of my life trying to please that woman. Even when I realized that the quality of her character was not admirable, I still tried to please her. Those years are gone and I can't get them back. There may be something to the "don't worry about it" method. There are postings on this board with song lyrics -- how about Bob Segar's words "wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then" and "runnin' against the wind."
