FOR MARTA - RE: SUPPORT GROUP ANNOUNCEMENT

[herewegoagain]

‘The only thing necessary for the triumph [of evil] is for good men to do nothing.’

English philosopher, Erick Burke

[jordanspeeps]

Hi Marta,

Tiffany. During Hurricane Caterina discussion, there were many fallouts between parties other than me and you, and several people left the board, of which you were not one. At the time, I objected to your portrayal of third world countries. the worst I told you was that I will not speak with you. This put both of us and the entire community through some trauma. At the end of it, I sent you a PM apologizing for what I had put us through, and stating that I should have conducted this discussion through PMs. This is exactly what I have personally done, and it is exactly what I am proposing as the preferred mode of communication for interpersonal issues on the board today.

I did not say that we will not need to sort out interpersonal issues. I do question the genuineness of the desire to actually sort them out by airing them in a very public way and balming others. It feels more like bashing than a genuine desire to communicate.

Several weeks ago, you asked me a question on message board and I tried to answer to the best of my ability. Then you sent me a PM calling me names. I informed the administration about this and expressed my desire to have no further contact with you. I was asked by the administration to make it clear to you that I did not wish to speak with you and put you on my ignore list, and I told to notify the administration if you ever try to contact me again on board or ever made defaming comments about me, so that they could ntervene. So that is exactly what I did, put you on my ignore list and told you that I wished no further contact with you. It is clear that we are not communicating, so why not leave each other alone instead of expressing hatred at each other?   

I did not call you names Marta.  I simply noted a direct inconsistency in your recent posts.  In a former post you, yourself, identified yourself as an atheist, do you remember, you've probably since edited/erased it to cover, but you stated that you were an atheist, but used religious rituals because you find the "rituals" calming.  I confronted you privately only after reading that recent post where you appeared to be thanking God for the gullible nature of some innocents.  You chose to consider this quest for the truth, name-calling and once again declared your desire to never interact with me again.  You also use words like "hatred" to characterize what the I see as attempts to "clear the air" or explain inconsistent/confounding  ideas.

Please be clear, I have no hatred for you Marta.  Hate is such an intense, dangerous emotion, and you my little cyber-lilly could never make me hate you.  Mostly because I totally understand you, now.  I hate you no more than I hate my Nmother, who threatens to ignore me, abandons me, doesn't have desire to hear me out, has exclusive groups, runs away from the truth, preys on the vulnerability and innocence of others, doesn't want others to compare notes on her prior questionable acts, is dishonest, constantly edits her dialogue, and makes a mockery of God (and other esoteric belief systems), practically every day... Love and truth is instead what I meditate upon daily.  I pray that you find them, Marta.  If that other web blog gives you that, Marta, then by all means, GODSPEED.  I wish only the best.

Tiffany

[mudpuppy]

Well, I'm probably going to get my eyebrows singed for this, but his name was Edmund Burke and he never actually wrote that quote.
Kind of an urban legend, thing.

mud

[Reality Check]

Marta is entitled to feel whatever feelings she has.

What she does not have the right to do is silence other people on this board.

Marta posted a thread that was offensive to many here on the board.  Not all but many.

Marta then locked the thread in the midst of responses, making those who would have liked to respond further unable to do so.

Marta then created a new thread, reposting the thread which she posted initially and locked, updating this board on the progress of her new forum - which will not include many people here - where she informed the board that she will be using this board and this post to update the board on her new forum - which will not include many people here and Marta also locked that thread!

Marta was asked not to do this because it was offensive to many members of the board.  Marta was not asked not to do this because everyone on the board was offended. 

A new thread was started where many spoke about how upset they were with what Marta had done.  Why did Marta not use PMs, which she seems to be advocating the use of, to update her members on the progress of her forum?

Marta is entitled to her feelings but she cannot force people to do what she wants.

If Marta does not want to respond to a thread she has the ability to not post.

If Marta wants to discuss issues in PMs, she has the ability to do so but she cannot force people to comply with her wishes.

Marta does not have the right to force people to speak to her by PMs and if the person she is having an issue with wants to discuss matters on the board, even if Marta disagrees, Marta can only accept that person's right to do so.

I also ask you to think about another thing. The only labels, if any, I have used are in classifying how people deal with conflict. However, there are far worse labels used on this board, where people are called Ns, evil, you name it. 

It is not enough to say, "But, they did it, too!" 

When dealing with others in an intimate relationship or a group environment in real life or on-line consideration must be given for the feelings of others when the decision being made will affect either the intimate relationship or the entire group - that is the only way any relationship,  group or intimate,  will continue to grow and remain healthy, otherwise the relationsip will corrode and ultimately implode.

As for the other complaints about Marta, it can only be assumed that some people are expressing feelings that they have repressed for some time and they also have that right.

Anonymity is being preserved so that the focus of this issue is not reassigned to one of a personal nature but remains focused on the feelings of many who participate on this board.  I am not presumptuous enough to believe that I speak for all on this board but I am certain that I speak for many whose voices should not be silenced so that others can speak.[/color]

[Marta]

Dear Reality Check,

Your post pinpoints the difference between us in dealing with conflicts.

You pointed out that I had transgressed. I heard you, I reflected, I agreed with you, I apologized, I recitified the mistake.

I pointed out that others had transgressed in calling names, using my own past posts against me, you had transgressed by posting anonymously. Mind you, these are not only Marta's objections, but are shared by other members and also frequently expressed on the board, also on this thread. These are all very legitimate complaints. But instead of reflecting, you rationalized and placed the blame fairly and squarely on Marta, and you are still repeating what Marta had done wrong, even though she has rectified that mistake.

It is true that I cannot force other people to correspond anger through PMs or be respectful in their communication instead of feeling entitled to call each other names. However, I can create space for people who prefer it that way, and that is what I have done.

Right now I have 300+ posts on the board. You will not find a single one where I have called anyone inappropriate names or used their old posts out of contexts against them or made baseless accusations. You will find several instances where I have apologized. However, I prefer to disengage when others step on my boundaries and express their hurt in a way that is offensive to me, or ask me to accept blame that I feel does not belong to me. That reeks to me of entitlement that is a huge trigger for me given my N upbringing. In my most recent dispute with Portia, I had complimented her in the same thread for her excellent comments, i had engaged with her, I had also not taken offense to some of her statements that I could have been construed as offensive in the same spirit as she had taken offense to mine (for example she told me that she had not read my post she was answering to completely, which could be construed as offensive by some as saying your comments are non-issue to me.) However, I did stop engaging with her when I was subjected to baseless bizarre accusations and asked to defend them. I asked for the right to disengage, and appealed to administration to help me out after six days of being subjected to intense verbal assault.

TIffany, I am respectful of other people's religious preferences, I have never mocked them, nor I am not open for hostile interrogations on my religious preferences. After our disaggreement on Katerina, I have privately and publicly aplogized to you, never initiated any communication with you on board, and tried to answer your question as best as I can when you intiaited it. However, I do draw the line when you call me names. Your PM to me was reviewed by administration and deemed to be inappropriate and upsetting. You have continued to participate in threads started by me even after I notified you that I wanted no contact with you and was putting you on ignore list, and I have expressed no objections to that since the content was not a personal attack. I have never ever made a personal attak on you. Live and let live.

Everyone has feelings, not just those who express them in a very loud or public manner; there are many reasons when one speaks up other than genuine desire for communication; and there are many more ways of silencing other than just locking a thread.
 

[write]

Marta~

I always think of your name pronounced Martyr; I don't think it's the same name derivative though?

This thread feels to me like: multiple personality posters please stand forward...also that my radar which was triggered a few days ago wasn't so inaccurate after all. Someone is stirring the pot.

Unfortunately it is a typical hiccup to a board like this. PDs seem to attract each other.

However I feel any further reference to an alternative suport group here is counterproductive and I suggest no further mention/ response as a guideline...good luck with it to the people there though.

[herewegoagainTHEORIGINAL]

Regarding the posts at the start of the thread. Portia admitted to using different names on the board. That was a fact, which comes from a memory of a posting from quite some time ago. Perhaps Portia remembers it. But the post will be there in the archive.

The original herewegoagin was not Marta.

Marta is entitled to feel whatever feelings she has.

What she does not have the right to do is silence other people on this board.

At no time did Marta silence anyone. It is obvious to me that the poster 'reality check' is in dire need of one. To ,quite frankly, blow this post of martas into this big massive thing is absolutely ridiculous. She had her own reasons and , I think, locked the thread as she knew what she would get. ie a lot of immature,overblown comments designed to put her down.

She knew that much and BOY was she right.

If she want's to start another board what's the problem? She can and will do it, anyone who wants to join is welcome. BIG DEAL.

"OH MY GOD. I HAVE BEEN RENDERED VOICELESS" BIG POWERFUL MARTA HAS DESTROYED ME BY LOCKING A THREAD ! MY LIFE IS OVER. I HAVE TO NOW FORCEFULLY PROVE THAT MARTA IS A RUBBISH PERSON"

I have rarely witnessed anything so childish. See below :-

Marta was asked not to do this because it was offensive to many members of the board.  Marta was not asked not to do this because everyone on the board was offended. 

A new thread was started where many spoke about how upset they were with what Marta had done.  Why did Marta not use PMs, which she seems to be advocating the use of, to update her members on the progress of her forum?

Marta is entitled to her feelings but she cannot force people to do what she wants.

If Marta does not want to respond to a thread she has the ability to not post.

If Marta wants to discuss issues in PMs, she has the ability to do so but she cannot force people to comply with her wishes.

Marta does not have the right to force people to speak to her by PMs and if the person she is having an issue with wants to discuss matters on the board, even if Marta disagrees, Marta can only accept that person's right to do so.

I just wanted to quote this because it is a brilliant example of someone who has been 'triggered' by something. Someone who is 'projecting' onto someone else - accusing them and turning something simple - likethe idea for a different message board - into something it is not. 'Marta can't force people to do what she wants' but I can tell marta exactly what to do, in great detail?

Absolute hypocritical rubbish. I know it doesn't matter what I say, as the person who wrote this will not be able to 'see the light' and it will only result in more of the same, ridiculous logic.

Also to take a checklist of a personality disorder and post it saying that another poster has it can only be taken as deliberately insulting. I can only say to this that I always find that those in glass houses always seem to throw stones



I think Marta has defended herself in an exemplary manner,unlike others on the board.





I am also well aware that this post can also be ran through the same process of thought involved ie my words and intentions can also be twisted.