I wish to address some of the issues raised here, in no particular order.
1. Reality CHeck, I realize that you are not Portia, you have your own distinct voice, and that is why I responded to it, because I could see the hurt in it, even though it was not intended by me. You are right to have pointed out that I had transgressed in posting updates here. But I did not like you cutting and pasting my past posts out of context, it felt like a violation actually. Nor do I like to see any one person think that they speak for the entire forum. Many in this thread have already spoken to end this argument, have you respected their wishes?
I don't think it is fair to say that you have your own reasons for which you will not reveal your identity. I mean, it is OK to point to point fingers at someone in a very public way but it is not OK to say who you are?
I also ask you to think about another thing. The only labels, if any, I have used are in classifying how people deal with conflict. However, there are far worse labels used on this board, where people are called Ns, evil, you name it. Why is it that the particular classification I used triggered you while others did not? Simply because you were not subjected to them? If it feels like family, then what are you doing for all the name calling that is going on the board? Are you not leaving that for Richard to address?
2. Tiffany. During Hurricane Caterina discussion, there were many fallouts between parties other than me and you, and several people left the board, of which you were not one. At the time, I objected to your portrayal of third world countries. the worst I told you was that I will not speak with you. This put both of us and the entire community through some trauma. At the end of it, I sent you a PM apologizing for what I had put us through, and stating that I should have conducted this discussion through PMs. This is exactly what I have personally done, and it is exactly what I am proposing as the preferred mode of communication for interpersonal issues on the board today.
I did not say that we will not need to sort out interpersonal issues. I do question the genuineness of the desire to actually sort them out by airing them in a very public way and balming others. It feels more like bashing than a genuine desire to communicate.
Several weeks ago, you asked me a question on message board and I tried to answer to the best of my ability. Then you sent me a PM calling me names. I informed the administration about this and expressed my desire to have no further contact with you. I was asked by the administration to make it clear to you that I did not wish to speak with you and put you on my ignore list, and I told to notify the administration if you ever try to contact me again on board or ever made defaming comments about me, so that they could ntervene. So that is exactly what I did, put you on my ignore list and told you that I wished no further contact with you. It is clear that we are not communicating, so why not leave each other alone instead of expressing hatred at each other?
I owe no answers to questions about my group to anyone who does not bear it any goodwill.
3. Sugarre, on matter of deleting posts. I don't like when my past posts, an expression of my vulnerability, are used against me. It feels like a violence of highest order. In this particular conflict, the triggering post is up there in its pristine virginity in Struggling to make a decision thread. The only post I have deleted so far in this conflict (other than updates thread) was in Are we OK thread, where I addressed the poster I was have a conflict with directly, telling her that I felt abused and punched etc. I did not wish to leave it there for posterity for others to use this post against her, as seems to be happening quite a lot here, and I simply wished for this to end rather than impose my feelings on the community as Richard already addressed this matter to my satisfaction.
4. As for this particular conflict. I have spoken very few words in my defense and yet I have been told that I silence others. I have been subjected to most cruel namecalling, and yet been told that it is I who ostracizes others. It feels like crazymaking really.
5. I am an academic trained at a male dominated bastion and I use a specific kind of language while engaging in arguments with others. I realize that it feels like a slight to others, even though it is not intended to be. To ask me to change that is to ask me to change my skin. I intend to speak in my own voice and not somebody else's. That, to me, is not voicelessness is all about. I don't understand. For months I am given hugs and told how much I am liked and then one day when I pick words that someone doesn't like, I am called names and I am told that I am ousted as an N?! My olds posts are digged out and used against me! This is not how people acquire a voice -- this is how they learn to stifle voice and speak with somebody else's voice, this is how they stay stuck in their situation, this is how they learn to see Ns all over the place in their world instead of dealing with their own feelings and issues, this is how they learn to feel entitled to blame others rather than introspect. I stand by everything I said in my support group announcement.
6. I neither post anonymously nor have I advanced any accusations on this board at others for doing so. In fact this entire conflict started because I refused to participate in a discussion that had stooped to that level.
I will not be responding any further on this matter. Not because I don't value what you have to say, not because I don't value your feelings, but rather because it appears that you don't value what I have to say or my feelings.
Marta
