Fear

[moonlight52]

Hi This morning I started a thread on fear. Sela saw it.She was going to reply to it  but before she could I got scared and deleted my topic of fear because I was afraid.Here is the pm Sela sent to me .I am sure Sela will not care
since she was going to post it to my original fear topic.Sela  quote "We all feel fear and sometimes its a good thing that warns us of danger and helps us act to protect ourselves and other times ,I think its a hindrance,that slows us down and keeps us from moving forward."Sela said in her pm to me her post would have been a lot longer .So when I read Sela's pm to me about fear I understood those feelings in me
much better and got unstuck.Wally you are  a wonderful brother and uncle.As far as Mr Vaakin( I have no fear of him any more) goes I can not make a judgment on who he is its not my job.Oh yeah I guess a lady can change her mind about posting .I really want to thank you Sela for helping me to put this fear thing to rest.Anyway I got lots  stuff going on with my children so................... ,I am feeling  love and light  thank you so very kindly Sela for sending them my way.Also Portia saw my original fear topic before I deleted it and sent me a pm ,Thank you Portia for sending love,luck,and strength to face my fears.thank you Sela and Portia for your pms Love to All                      I am very sorry for the way I let fear over
take me and I was not able to handle myself properly on the board.
Moonlight

LOVE AND LIGHT TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pennyplant]

I'm so glad you're back, Moonlight.  I hoped you would be able to figure it out.

Pennyplant

[moonlight52]

Hi Bean I think I will watch my bratty or is that batty behavior from now on.I do wish I had not deleted my original post then you would have seen Sela words yourself instead of having to take my shaky word for it. But The sisters of mercy did pm me in my time of fear. Sounds like a Leonard Cohen song Yeah.BUT ANY WAY Mr. v did scare me pretty good reminded me of someone Maybe my mean old N-DAD .OH WELL
I was only scaring myself right.Good Lord  just the thought of this Mr v dude did freak me out.I went to our spring party hung out being in nature really centers me.
I am not courageous I am glad you think so I just had a blast of fear like Hops said .I just want to get stronger to be a better parent.At our spring party we all have been friends for 30 years.
So thanks to you HOPS .My hubby is a great dad to our girls he comes from a loving family they have helped me alot too.How are you doing Bean  I am wishing very sweet dreams to you tonight.I can see so clearly theres nothing to really  be afraid of, nothing .When there are so many kind people in the world .And thats a good thing !
hugs to you bean thanks for understanding .I have told the truth and I am sorry I freaked out ..............................................
moon

[mum]

Hi, Moonlight. I am glad to hear your voice today.

 Fear is something I know sooo very well. It (fear) ran most of my life, until I chose to take it back.
Fear is an emotion, thus in our minds, but it can be so very powerful, it seems to have it's own life, it's own power, even without our consent. 

So many things have helped me, and it would take a while to write them down (and I don't even have time to write this, but I felt compelled)....so I will just put down a few:

loving kindness of people (like here!) and choosing to see that

a book called "Fearless Living" by Rhonda Britton and choosing to take from that what suited me and my life

the book: The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle and choosing to delve into those ideas

my therapist and choosing to stick it out with her through some tough stuff

and more...but the all time biggie:

MY OWN MIND. I created the fear, I can choose to use it or have it use me. It's MY choice. So that's why I put the choosing thing in the above list: it is choice...free will if you like, but we all have it. It's just that FEAR sometimes creates a veil where we cannot see that power of choice we have. So here's to lifting the veil!!

Being courageous doesn't mean you don't feel fear. It means you feel the fear, but do what you must anyway.
OH, I got that from a Pema Chodron book (not sure which one) and it is from a story where someone tells her that about herself.  So I will add Pema's books to that list. SHE is so loving and kind and funny and talks a LOT about fear and how it cripples us....or how we cripple ourselves with it.

I'm not sure you quite realize how very brave you are...you posted this, opened up, and did it with loving intention....and guess what? The universe/God loved you back, through us!!!

So I guess that's the last part, or the one that ties it together,,,,have faith: In goodness, in God, in the core of love that keeps the universe alive....

[moonlight52]

Hi   MUM   ,Blessings to you and your beautiful children.All I really know for sure is LOVE is stronger than anything .I know that your  own freedom will come quicker than you think .I send you loving prayers .It seems you are so wise and it so time for you take the next step for you.MUM keep your spiritual gas tank full and be ready...................I do feel a need to read some books on fear .I have let fear rule my life.
So I thank you very much for the list."The power of Now" I really like that title.Yep I have been conditioned into fear all my life now I am strong enough to see I can make a choice not to live in fear.Mum I do have faith in the universe .How you have the time to write to me when you have a full plate I will never know .But I am learning how and I am learning in a small way to do this better for my children. I can not thank you enough .What an example you are with all you have going on to write me God Bless you !I do hope everyone on the board will forgive me for my blast of fear and not handling myself well
I guess  what you are doing is what I want to do to one day .................... LIGHT THE PATH for others .
Love
Moonlight

[pennyplant]

I do feel a need to read some books on fear .I have let fear rule my life.

Yep I have been conditioned into fear all my life now I am strong enough to see I can make a choice not to live in fear.

I guess  what you are doing is what I want to do to one day .................... LIGHT THE PATH for others .

Oh, these words reminded me of something I learned from my oldest son.  He is an artist like you Moon.  He and I had a lot of rough patches for probably the first ten years or more of his life.  He was such a vulnerable little soul and maybe I was too.  I think now we just had two very frightened people in one family and we were feeding off each other's fear.  But the lesson I learned from him--

When he was in high school the board of education was planning to cut the art dept.  He was an art major and had made great strides thanks to a special teacher who nurtured his talent.  She asked him and a couple others to make a presentation at a special meeting of the board.  We attended.  He was magnificent in front of all those people making the case for the importance of art education.  Then he displayed some of his paintings.  These were paintings that I admit I hadn't understood and which had scared me with their intensity and subject matter.  I don't think I ever even asked him to explain what he was trying to do with them.  He had done a red version and a blue version of the same thing.  The best way to describe the paintings is to compare them to a chest x-ray in color.  It was a picture showing someone from the neck down to the waist.  It looked like someone breathing heavily.  When he held these up the teacher explained that this year in art he was exploring the concept of fear.  And I was just blown away.  The bravery of this kid to make a presentation in front of all these strangers, and some with power to cut the art budget.  And he showed these paintings that maybe no one would like or understand.  And he wanted to explore fear--why he was afraid all the time.  And he did it in the language he knows best--art.

I could be really angry at myself for taking such a long time to understand my son.  But at least I finally got it.  He is an amazing person in spite of many obstacles.  Brave, doing things he is afraid to do because it is the right thing to do.  I have seen many more examples of his bravery.  Some way more impressive than this one.  He has taught me many things.

I know you paint.  That may be your best language for understanding who you are and your role in this life.  I believe you will come to understand your fear and be able to progress in spite of it.  Maybe even conquer much of it.  Because of your good heart, Moon.

PP

[moonlight52]

PP You and your son have explored these feelings  of fear that are  leading to wholeness.In my mind I have let the issues of fear become so terrifying that I could not even start to look at them. What the heck they  are just  emotions .I can look at my experiences with strength now.There have been times I have been very brave in my life, I truly have so theres a start .What a good parent you must be  PP.And your son  he must enjoy his art very much .I wonder who helped him find all the best within himself ? PP When I first read your post  I just felt sheer joy and kindness of your words and it feels so overwhelming.My joy is for knowing such kindness exists in the world.Here are a few poems for you PP and your artist son.
 

I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set him free- Michelangelo

So far as the artist is concerned,the unlimited extent of human experience is not so important for him as the depth and intensity with which he experiences things.-Thomas Wolfe

Being an artist means ,not reckoning and counting but riping like the tree which does not force its sap and stands confident in the storms of spring without the fear that after them may come no summer
Rainer Maria Rilke



Hugs
Moonlight
















       

[pennyplant]

Dear Moon,

Thank you for the beautiful poems and very kind words.  Perhaps as you go along in life, more people will be kind to you.  You certainly deserve it.

I think I'm a work in progress and I think my son also feels that way about himself.  When I look back on all the mistakes I made with him I feel bad that I didn't do a better job for him.  He really deserved parents who had their act a little more together.  But he says we grew up together and he seems to like that idea.   So, I just try to accept it.

You do have bravery in you.  It just needs to be fed!  You'll find a way to do that.

Till next time, Moon.

PP

[pennyplant]

Hi Stormy,

The budget was not cut!  That teacher stayed a couple more years but then moved on in education.  She was in a position where she couldn't really progress at that school because there was someone ahead of her who wouldn't be young enough to retire for quite sometime.  And that person didn't really have the gift for teaching that my son's teacher had.  I imagine my son's teacher began to feel stifled after awhile.  We were very lucky that my son benefitted from her being there when he was there.

Interestingly enough, my son and his favorite teacher had a falling out the week before he graduated.  I have often thought it was so neither one of them would have to say good-bye and miss the other too much.  He never talks about that.  I guess that's the way it goes sometimes.

So, that's "the REST of the story."

Pennyplant

[mum]

Wow. This thread is so nice...you guys might remember I am an art teacher, so the stories, the art quotes, all very dear to me, in a way you will never know.
You see, Moonlight, you already light the way. I have always thought your name was appropriate because of the way your posts enlighten with such peace and kindness.
We all struggle. But finding the love in the middle of it all is why we are here on this planet. How blessed we all are to be able to see it and feel it!