Author Topic: questions for men about women  (Read 1571 times)

movinon

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questions for men about women
« on: April 13, 2006, 01:56:16 PM »
Okay,  I have been out of the "dating" scene for quite a while now.  Although I won't be dating for a few more months, I am starting to notice something.  The attention I get is mostly from older men (10-20 years older).  It hasn't always been like that.

I have a suspicion here, and if I am off base for you, please speak up.  I consider myself a very strong woman.  I speak my truth and do not back down from conflict unless it's fruitless.  People notice this in me right away and I've been told a few times about how intimidating my presence can be.  I've done TONS of personal growth work and present myself very laid back and confident.  Here's the theory...Is it possible that men my age are also intimidated and older men are more able to appreciate these qualities?

For clarification, I'd also like to say that I am very spiritual (native American/hippy type), weigh a little more than I am comfortable with, let my grey show through the black, and am considered attractive and sexy. 

I know this is a shot in the dark b/c none of you has seen me or known me, but could someone shed some light on the older man thing?  I don't have any problems with older men, I'm just EXTREMELY curious.

Movinon
An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.

movinon

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Re: questions for men about women
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2006, 03:40:31 PM »
Sugarre -

I was hoping it was more than that...you know, always looking for the brighter side.

Too optomistic?
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mum

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Re: questions for men about women
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2006, 12:15:26 AM »
hey, Movinon....so your title is questions for men...so should I respond? :P
Who the heck knows what makes men tick? I say, if you think it's because of your confidence and style....then that's what it is.
Is there a problem with the older man thing? (like are they all awful because of their age?)
My d is almost 14 and it's frightening how many older men oogle her....I am pretty sure it's because the boys her age wouldn't dare!  and she has an "air" of serene/don't-mess-with-me beauty, so maybe it's both!!!
Either way> if they are nice/cute/interesting/smart then who cares how old they are!!

movinon

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Re: questions for men about women
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2006, 09:45:54 AM »
NO, there isn't a problem with older men but I would like one closer to my age and wondered if anyone had knkowledge of what I was speaking about.

Movinon
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Portia

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Re: questions for men about women
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2006, 11:01:25 AM »
Hi Movinon, interesting questions. I’m 44 and have always attracted and been attracted to, older men. My current partner is 10+ years older, previous men have been older (5-10 years).

I think we’re more likely to find couples with men older than women in any culture? Not sure? Maybe because they can procreate for a long time where as we have a limited time. Maybe because older ones are perceived to be wiser, maybe more established in their work and therefore better providers…?

You sound like a woman I’d admire and want to be friends with! I’d like to learn from your strengths and attitude! But that’s friendship – not a partnership and ….

Is it possible that men my age are also intimidated and older men are more able to appreciate these qualities?

Yep I think so, spot on. You’re 39? Okay, huge generalisations coming up, just my thoughts: Men in their late 30s will be looking for younger women who want to and can support them in their ‘careers’ or life-goals. The 30s and early 40s are the prime time for making your mark, for being ambitious, for creating a legacy (including family). Men here need a woman who will go with them towards their goals in life – they might not want a woman who already knows who she is thank you very much, who knows what she likes and doesn’t like – they may want someone who is still searching and striving and wanting more……

When men wise-up that life isn’t a competition (if they do, and this applies to women too of course), when they’ve been through the mid-life crazies and come out the other side – hey! – they appreciate a woman who knows her own mind, her own life. They want to know the woman instead of wanting to shape the woman into their own lives (women do this too with men).

Does any of this sound reasonable, possible?

I think it’s more to do with age-stages in life than gender.

If I was looking….I’d be looking for a man 50+ for definite. Under 50, there’s still time for big psychological changes, over 50….less so I imagine. I like a man who knows himself :D

Hopalong

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Re: questions for men about women
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2006, 10:34:09 AM »
I've given up the struggle, but when I used to date online I'd get so aggravated to see men who'd set the age range for woman they were seeking as ALWAYS younger than themselves, even, for example, just a year: Man 50, seeks woman 35-49. Those would particularly annoy me, as though given the social imbalance of power the man just had to have one more way to be more powerful...even Just One Year of seniority!!!!???? Grrrrr. I got so I'd occasionally write one of those men and just ask, why? Most of the time they'd say, oh it's because I'm so young for my age and women my own age can't keep up with me. Or some would say I want to have more children and a woman my age can't give them to me.

I do understand men are visual and men can reproduce and men can choose what they want. For me, though, that was always a signal that I would likely not be happy with a man who insisted that my being his same age or older was a deal-breaker before he even knew I existed. So I usually would choose not to meet those.

I set the age range an equal # of years younger and older than myself. Otherwise, I just feel I'm capitulating to something I want to evolve out of. I figure, hey, statistically, most women are already going to outlive most men, so when you set the range so the woman HAS to be 5-10 years younger than you are, in a sense I feel as though you're just saying, let her be a widow that much longer.

Just my little rant, and I will probably cave under when I date again since it's so pervasive...I don't mind anybody's age and when I meet men I just notice the person. But those search engines really do let people continue or override stereotypes...

Mnnn, just had an idea. I could say in my profile that I'm seeking a man who would not automatically set the age range to force selection of only younger women. That'd help.

Hops
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ANewSheriff

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Re: questions for men about women
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2006, 08:07:13 AM »
Movinon,

I didn't even get past your first paragraph and was thinking, "She is more mature.  She is probably scary to most men her age."  Then, in your next sentences I saw that you had already made that connection.  Well, if you are looking for votes, then I'd throw my dart in that circle, too. 

Portia:
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When men wise-up that life isn’t a competition (if they do, and this applies to women too of course), when they’ve been through the mid-life crazies and come out the other side – hey! – they appreciate a woman who knows her own mind, her own life.

I think you are right on the mark here!  Thankfully, I have not had to endure this as I have been married for sixteen years.  This seems to fit with what I am observing, though.   

Mum:
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My d is almost 14 and it's frightening how many older men oogle her....
 

This is scary.  Men are visual creatures, though.  I have a pre-teen and am not too far away from this.  It is all a bit too overwhelming to give much thought to at this time. 

ANewSheriff 
Change the way you see the world and you will change the world.

movinon

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Re: questions for men about women
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2006, 09:44:00 AM »
Thanks for the replies -

Hops - too funny about the online ads (and sad).

I do have to say that there seem to be a few men younger than myself that have been interested, but they are definately more liberal themselves (which is my type anyway).

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You sound like a woman I’d admire and want to be friends with! I’d like to learn from your strengths and attitude! But that’s friendship

Thanks Portia!  And I've forgotten about mid-life crises.  It just seems so absurd to me. AND 50 is just about 10 years older than me - duh.  Guess I was thinking I was still in my 20s!

ANewSheriff - I think I am scary to men my age unless they are VEEEERRRYY secure.

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Either way> if they are nice/cute/interesting/smart then who cares how old they are!!

good point mum

Are there any men on this board?

Movinon
An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.