Not Liking What You Like

[gratitude28]

Here's something that used to make me feel awful... Did any of you go through this?
If I said I liked soemthing my parents automatically said they hated it... no matter what it was or even if they had no idea what it was. I always thought that I had brought it upon myself... that I had acted so 'high and mighty' that they were truned off by anything I mentioned. I felt that way about their interests after a while too. Even now we have this same sort of tension whenever a like/dislike is mentioned.
Additionally, my sister's likes were always considered as 'truths,' i.e., if she liked it, it must be something the entire world adores...

[gratitude28]

Oh No, Storm,
You are so right. So many of those categories fit both of my parents. My Dad always "jokes" with my mother... but they are cruel jokes. They definitely trivialized what I said, if they even believed it. And I think my self-esteem was and is low enough that countering still works (I am always scared to mention I like something... waiting for the backlash...). Like I said, I was no angel. I started doing it to them too. It became the three of them against me in my teen years and has remained that way ever since. I am the weird one...
What do I do now? How do I get rid of that feeling?
You know, every other relationship in my life is healthy. My friends and immediate family (kids, husb... his family) all think I am fun and nice. But I turn into this nasty dark blob when I am near my family.

[MarisaML]

Gratitude, I feel bad for you that you had to go through that as a child.  As an adult I feel like I'm losing my mind dealing with the N in-laws.  What it must be like for a child...it's terrible.  Maybe there's a way to stop that cycle that has been going on for so long.  About the disliking what you like... maybe there's a way of throwing them off.  I don't know.  

Storm, great links.  I am so glad that someone is calling these things abuse.  That's exactly what it is.  It seems like nothing to outsiders but until you go through the hell of dealing with these types of people you don't understand.

[petra]

Hi Gratitude28
Just letting you know that i know exactly how you feel because this is something I've been dealing with also (didn't know it had a name though). Did your family hate it when it was your idea, belief, etc. but decide it was a great idea if someone they admired expressed it? (refusing to acknowledge that you had been stating this for years) This has hurt me so much in the past but in the last six months or so i have just stayed calm and stated exactly what i think is happening. This hasn't changed the way my mother acts but it did make me feel more in control. I'm a bit too new at this to offer advice but just letting you know that i understand how hurtful this is.

[gratitude28]

Hi Petra,
Yes, if someone else likes something that I have indicated I like, then it's acceptable. I am glad to know I am not the only one... gosh this disease is crazy-making! I have blamed myself for turning my parents off for so long! I thought it was my lack of... who knows... that made me so undesirable! I am glad to know that this is a documented form of control. All the tidbits of knowledge, while not erasing the problem, are helping me realize that I am not a bad or mean person. And, Petra, the honest truth is that I just don't tell my mom much of anything anymore. She just warps whatever I say into some weird idea... or a mean idea.
Marisa,
How are things moving along for you? Have you started to make any decisions about how to move forward? I sure would not like to be in your shoes! It is terrible as a child, but it must be awful to run into this as an adult.
Storm,
Thanks again for the links. I am going to go back and reread some of the info today.
Love, Beth

[MarisaML]

Thanks for asking, Gratitude.  Things are confusing as usual.  My husband hasn't had a chance yet to go get that restraining order before the crazy N tries to come back into our lives.  My MIL seems to be supporting her.  The MIL was telling my husband that Kim has been trying to call us.  BullS___!  No, we had been trying to call her and give her a piece of our minds. But she had our number blocked.  My husband told his mother that he'd love to talk to his sister  .  So she called him on his cell.  And tried to act real nice and sweet.  Trying to blame the whole thing on me.  "I think Marisa is depressed."  Stuff like that.  He told her he knew her like the back oh is F'ing hand and he knew that she came in pushing and provoking me.  Then they started cussing each other out.  He told her that she has lost him and his kids and she will never see any of us again.  She said 'Do you think I care? I don't care about you'.  I told him that she didn't have to come out and say that she didn't care because she had already proved that.  So now we're dealing with the MIL and FIL and they put in new countertops , range, and dishwasher into our kitchen.  My husband wanted this even though I told him I didn't want them to do anything for us.  Because it's like selling your soul to the Devil.  So that day they fixed up our kitchen the MIL called and wanted to talk to me.  So that I would have to thank her and tell her how wonderful they are for what they did.  I didn't talk to her that day.  So she called the next day and my husband was talking to her on the phone.  I heard him say 'oh no she doesn't'  'She's not'.  And then he handed me the phone and she said right off the bat.  Well I didn't know if you was mad at me, but I've not done anything to YOU.  I said no, but I was thinking 'you only spread rumors that I was cheating on my husband and some of our kids don't belong to him.. that's all'.  I thanked her for what they did for us.  Which is reasonable, but I refuse to sell my soul!  Well, thanks for caring.  I'll keep you all updated.

[gratitude28]

Good luck Marisa! It is good that you are not providing supply for them. I hope your husbband does get the restraining order soon. I also would not want them doing anything for me. Do you have any more plans along those lines, or can you keep them out of your lives/home more from now on????

I liked the slogans Ha ha! Too appropriate!

[mum]

Wow, the bit about countering....my ex all the way!!!!  Just reading the posts made me feel horrible inside, just like I used to....and then, I remember: I"M NOT MARRIED TO THAT ANYMORE!!!!  I hope my poor kids figure it out soon.....all I can do is NOT do that, and hope they see the difference.
The slogans are great....add that to your hellmark card line, stormy and um....you could .....(not sure what kind of career that would be....) But hey, we appreciate it!!