Then I got to thinking about why I would want all threads kept intact. I was a bit sad when the last thread was deleted because I wanted to read Dr G’s post again (I skip read it only) but hey, that’s just me being nosy about what Dr G says. Is it of benefit to me? Not really. Just curiosity. What other reasons might I have for wanting threads kept? Maybe evidence, the proof of who said what to whom. Then I thought that was a pretty unproductive reason, who cares in the final analysis? I’m not here to prove myself right and others wrong am I? The actual events don’t matter so much as the progress that’s made to me. I’m more interested in where we are today.
If things disappear, get deleted, it is a shame but I think if there are things that still need resolving to us, then we’ll resolve them somehow. A bit like the repetition compulsion, we’ll keep doing the same thing until we realise it’s not getting us anywhere different. So we’ll create new things that will become history that we can then look back on!
Very good points, Portia. It is so important to learn from the past, then move on to what it means today and what has been learned. The past can be a heavy burden. I have learned this the hard way. My own tendency is to be locked into what was said before and not being able to switch gears and get on with it. Like a very severe type of grudge-holding. It has kept me in place when I should have been growing and learning and really living my life. It has kept me from letting new people in. Remembering the past is important. But dwelling in the past holds me back. The main thing is to know the difference I suppose. That's one of the things I'm in the midst of.
Your point that if things still need resolving then we'll resolve them is important. Things don't resolve themselves. Feelings and hurts don't go away by themselves. And they have a life of their own. By letting go of the old past, we maybe will be open to new perspectives and have a different chance to resolve the old hurts and issues that need resolving. Sometimes with me it has been my pride that has caused me to hang onto old hurts so long. Plain old pride. Couldn't admit that I goofed or was childish or mistaken or whatever. I have way too much pride. It makes me a prisoner. I want to be free. So, I'm working on letting go of that pride which holds me back.
This is just me and how I approach the history angle of this issue. It is what motivates me to be biased towards letting go and moving on, keeping in mind that the issues, emotions, hurts don't go away. But it might be important to let them come to the surface on their own and then I, or whoever, can meet them and deal with them as a new (and hopefully improved) me.
Old posts--this example is from 3-D life not cyber life. My oldest son and I had a relationship (for probably the first 10 or so years of his life) mostly of power struggles and such (I was 18 when he was born, our personalities maybe too similar, etc.). I was always trying to fix him as my way of raising him. One time during an argument he said, "You always use my words against me!" Oh, was he ever right! What I perceived as helping, raising, fixing, he perceived as a power play. And the worst kind, using his own words (from past conversations, arguments) against himself as a weapon. He was very hurt by this. I believe I fell into this habit because I didn't have any wisdom of my own to offer. I was very insecure as a young parent and afraid all the time. I used what "ammo" I could get my hands on to make this parenthood thing work. Including his own words about himself and his beliefs. I didn't intend to hurt him in that way. But it did hurt him and our relationship. When he said that, I was very embarrassed and defensive. But it stuck in my mind. I learned something important from him when he said that. Those words from the past I keep with me and try to apply whenever possible. I am amazed at how often it is possible to apply that lesson he taught me. So many times I could use someone's words against them. But I try not to. Maybe they don't feel that way anymore. Maybe if I do that I'm breaking a trust, they trusted me and revealed something about themselves and that is a gift not to be thrown back at them when later I may want a particular outcome.
These are my own personal lessons that I remembered when Portia gave her opinion about the loss of the old posts. Anyone can take what they want from this or disregard it completely. It's all a process. Each of us has our process.
Also, I'm glad to read Dr. Grossman's post as I had missed it completely.
Pennyplant
