Author Topic: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?  (Read 13322 times)

Portia

  • Guest
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #45 on: May 10, 2006, 10:32:47 AM »
Portia,
Yes I'm sure. 

have a good day,

bean



Bean, I don't understand? What are you sure about please?

I hope you're okay too. I was really hoping you'd come back and talk here. If you want. No problem if not. Take care bean.

Sela

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1273
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #46 on: May 10, 2006, 10:42:28 AM »
Hi P:

Nope.  You're not the only nosey one.  I wanted to read it again too because I did see so much there the first time.  I hope it doesn't get deleted.  It is important history, imo.

Thanks whoever pm'd P.

I think it's good to put where we are now as priority and count mostly......our progress but also......(as I complained already and maybe I'm responsible for this whole new discussion  :oops:.......didn't mean to drum anything up.....just was stating what bugs me).....but also......important is truth.  What really happened.  For me, that's big stuff.

Still.......there has to be a balance between my needs and those of everyone else, so I do totally get the importance of deleting at will or by direction from Dr. G and will try harder to pay attention to the present, next time that happens.

Hope that made at least some sense. :roll:

 :D Sela

pennyplant

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1067
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #47 on: May 10, 2006, 10:43:56 AM »

Then I got to thinking about why I would want all threads kept intact. I was a bit sad when the last thread was deleted because I wanted to read Dr G’s post again (I skip read it only) but hey, that’s just me being nosy about what Dr G says. Is it of benefit to me? Not really. Just curiosity. What other reasons might I have for wanting threads kept? Maybe evidence, the proof of who said what to whom. Then I thought that was a pretty unproductive reason, who cares in the final analysis? I’m not here to prove myself right and others wrong am I? The actual events don’t matter so much as the progress that’s made to me. I’m more interested in where we are today.

If things disappear, get deleted, it is a shame but I think if there are things that still need resolving to us, then we’ll resolve them somehow. A bit like the repetition compulsion, we’ll keep doing the same thing until we realise it’s not getting us anywhere different. So we’ll create new things that will become history that we can then look back on!

Very good points, Portia.  It is so important to learn from the past, then move on to what it means today and what has been learned.  The past can be a heavy burden.  I have learned this the hard way.  My own tendency is to be locked into what was said before and not being able to switch gears and get on with it.  Like a very severe type of grudge-holding.  It has kept me in place when I should have been growing and learning and really living my life.  It has kept me from letting new people in.  Remembering the past is important.  But dwelling in the past holds me back.  The main thing is to know the difference I suppose.  That's one of the things I'm in the midst of.

Your point that if things still need resolving then we'll resolve them is important.  Things don't resolve themselves.  Feelings and hurts don't go away by themselves.  And they have a life of their own.  By letting go of the old past, we maybe will be open to new perspectives and have a different chance to resolve the old hurts and issues that need resolving.  Sometimes with me it has been my pride that has caused me to hang onto old hurts so long.  Plain old pride.  Couldn't admit that I goofed or was childish or mistaken or whatever.  I have way too much pride.  It makes me a prisoner.  I want to be free.  So, I'm working on letting go of that pride which holds me back.

This is just me and how I approach the history angle of this issue.  It is what motivates me to be biased towards letting go and moving on, keeping in mind that the issues, emotions, hurts don't go away.  But it might be important to let them come to the surface on their own and then I, or whoever, can meet them and deal with them as a new (and hopefully improved) me.

Old posts--this example is from 3-D life not cyber life.  My oldest son and I had a relationship (for probably the first 10 or so years of his life) mostly of power struggles and such (I was 18 when he was born, our personalities maybe too similar, etc.).  I was always trying to fix him as  my way of raising him.  One time during an argument he said, "You always use my words against me!"  Oh, was he ever right!  What I perceived as helping, raising, fixing, he perceived as a power play.  And the worst kind, using his own words (from past conversations, arguments) against himself as a weapon.  He was very hurt by this.  I believe I fell into this habit because I didn't have any wisdom of my own to offer.  I was very insecure as a young parent and afraid all the time.  I used what "ammo" I could get my hands on to make this parenthood thing work.  Including his own words about himself and his beliefs.  I didn't intend to hurt him in that way.  But it did hurt him and our relationship.  When he said that, I was very embarrassed and defensive.  But it stuck in my mind.  I learned something important from him when he said that.  Those words from the past I keep with me and try to apply whenever possible.  I am amazed at how often it is possible to apply that lesson he taught me.  So many times I could use someone's words against them.  But I try not to.  Maybe they don't feel that way anymore.  Maybe if I do that I'm breaking a trust, they trusted me and revealed something about themselves and that is a gift not to be thrown back at them when later I may want a particular outcome.

These are my own personal lessons that I remembered when Portia gave her opinion about the loss of the old posts.  Anyone can take what they want from this or disregard it completely.  It's all a process.  Each of us has our process.

Also, I'm glad to read Dr. Grossman's post as I had missed it completely.
Pennyplant
"We all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
John Lennon

blue

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #48 on: May 10, 2006, 10:45:58 AM »
   
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
: May 07, 2006, 01:44:42 AM »   I spent my entire life being kind to everyone else. Because I was raised by abusers, and trained in such a way that my kindness simply attracted more of them, I have few recollections of anyone being significantly and reliably kind to me in return. I do recall being exhausted and 'tapped out' emotionally, time after time, and scorned at such times by my closest associates - I now realize this was because they regarded me as a source of something for them, only, and they were displeased that 'the well was dry'
_____________________________

This is exactly what has happened to me my entire life
When i needed someone to be there they were not
Their "well" went dry and if i could not keep on giving" i was of no use to anyone (I didn't know they were "leaky buckets"
I have learned (slowly) to allow myself to say NO and to learn to care for me and that I am worth it Though i still work too hard and still tend to ignore myself (especially when i am sick)
No one ever has or had cared for me and i didn't know how to
 My needs were never even addressed and even has a child i was ignored (I remember when i would have asthma attacks and my  N mother would keep telling me i was and fine and only faking it)
As for what is "Good manners"
I believe it is very simple To respect and honor others and let them have their thoughts and feelings and voice  You do not have to agree with everyone
 I guess to me what is annoying on the board/posting is when some one takes over ("hijacking") i think is what someone said  They are distracting from someone"s need to get help and when somone pushes their thoughts and feelings on to you and will not tolerate a difference of thought or opinion. It reminds me too much of N's and how they work their twisted mind on you (because you must be wrong they are the only one that can be right)
blue


bluerose

movinon

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 222
  • Silence is complicity
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #49 on: May 10, 2006, 11:15:30 AM »
Hey Hops -

To be honest, I didn't look at RM's post yesterday.  I was choosing to stay away from any thread started by her b/c of the turmoil that's been in her posts.  I had made the suggestion to her that she start her own thread and not hijack mine and I was trying to give her the space to have her say.

So you say she is trying (hard).  Am I willing to allow her that, give her credit?  Heck yeah!!!! (See - my prayer to Goddess worked after all :))  Vulnerability is WONDERFUL and HUMAN.

However, I am still in protection mode.  I lived w/ and aggressive, hostile, angry, abusive man for too long to trust that things have changed overnight (this is MY stuff here).

I won't be shooting arrows.

Movinon
An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.

Marta

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 281
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #50 on: May 10, 2006, 01:00:42 PM »
I seem to have RM's post too. Dog may have eaten up some lines though.
Quote
I hear ya. I know need new hearing aids though. WHAT, don’t go to The Home Store? But that’s where I ALWAYS shop. OK, fine, tell me where I need to go then.
Let Glory be.

Interesting that the next verses you pulled were the typical “judge not” ones. People that don’t want to be held accountable always tend to quote those to protect themselves. Since you said you’ve read the Bible, then I ask if you are aware that “judgment begins in the house of the Lord?” Are you also aware that we are TOLD to JUDGE and TEST THE SPIRITS in parts of the Bible? That it says “remove the board from your eyes, SO THAT YOU CAN SEE CLEARLY TO REMOVE THE SPLINTER from your friend’s eye.” That doesn’t say “DO NOT REMOVE THE SPLINTER.” In fact it says “REMOVE THE SPLINTER” because otherwise I am hopping over across the street for my Happy Meals.

I do not hold “judge not lest ye be judged” as those verses do not speak of addressing someone’s behavior, they speak of judgment of HEAVEN OR HELL on another person. If you were not to judge anyone, not one person, especially a follower of Jesus, would be part of this board, talking about evils done to them by N’s.

As far as comparing myself to Jesus, “BE YE PERFECT AS I AM PERFECT” were Jesus’ words. His Sprite lives in me and I am made in His image, therefore I have every right and even RESPONSIBILITY to compare myself to HIM, as do any followers of Him.

Oh, feel free to challenge me on the scriptures as well. I am a pastor and I love a good scriptural spar once in a while. I’m also a full-Gospel-and then some, however so I follow a very literal interpretation of the Word of God.

Blessya, LB
PS Let poor li’l Gloria be.

Hop guest

  • Guest
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #51 on: May 10, 2006, 01:42:29 PM »
Marta,
I don't understand why you reposted RM's post when she chose to delete it.
That seems disrespectful to me...at the least, deliberate flame-fanning.

Seems to me she had calmed herself and was trying to engage in a friendlier voice.

Do you not want to give her another chance?

Off for a while,
Hops

reallyME

  • Guest
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #52 on: May 10, 2006, 10:30:47 PM »
Jacmac,

I saw a movie called "Gaslight."  Once again I will state, that I WAS ASKED to remove my posts from before, by the BOARD OWNER.  I understand that some people feel like time was erased and they were invalidated.  I merely heeded what the owner asked me to do, so if there is a problem with it, please contact Dr Grossman, rather than stressing over it all.

Laura

write

  • Guest
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #53 on: May 10, 2006, 11:31:03 PM »
Reallyme/ Liz/ Laura-
nothing is ever invalidated in the wider picture.
G_d is everywhere.

Thngs can though become retrograde, nit-picking and working against the greater good or social development.

Delete or not delete- reproduce or ignore- the issue really ( really is ) how do we move forward?
Individually and as a collective.

Sometimes life feels too like a rhyme we sang as children:



There was an old man named Michael Finnegan
He had whiskers on his chinnegan
They fell out and then grew in again
Poor old Michael Finnegan
Begin again.

There was an old man named Michael Finnegan
He went fishing with a pinnegan
Caught a fish and dropped it in again
Poor old Michael Finnegan
Begin again.

There was an old man named Michael Finnegan
He grew fat and then grew thin again
Then he died and had to begin again
Poor old Michael Finnegan
Begin again.




reallyME

  • Guest
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #54 on: May 11, 2006, 12:05:55 AM »
I have moved on

movinon

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 222
  • Silence is complicity
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #55 on: May 11, 2006, 09:06:52 AM »
write,

Why do you type G_d?

Movinon
An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.

Portia

  • Guest
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #56 on: May 11, 2006, 09:44:34 AM »

I asked questions a while back here about whether Bean and Laura really wanted to hurt each other. And both Bean and Laura answered me privately that no, they didn’t want to hurt the other. I wanted both to know that, because it matters to me. I don’t think anyone here intends to hurt others but sometimes when we hurt, when we’re triggered or we’re in emotional pain, it’s very difficult to see beyond that. Well it has been for me.

Jacmac,
I guess it's all about where you are at the time.

I think so too. Was I unable to stand by my convictions in the past? Yes, I think so because I realised my convictions were in question – and I was the one who was questioning them (with help from people here). A while back you said something to me about not going back to old posts, it being irrelevant (or similar, can’t remember your exact words). I didn’t understand then, but I do now, and I agree with you.

Write

You know how you get a song in your head and it won’t go away? Well I’ve got ‘Michael Finnegan’ running around my head. I like it really, it reminds me of my good granddad. He taught it to me and we used to sing it as a ‘round’ (do folks know what a ‘round’ is? Where you each start the song at different points until you’re all singing against, but with, each other, a kind of harmonious several-level-song). Good fun. Especially on long car journeys!

write

  • Guest
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #57 on: May 11, 2006, 02:05:21 PM »
You know how you get a song in your head and it won’t go away?
yes, it's caled a 'cognitive itch' and apparently the only way to 'scratch' it is to hear the song over and over; therefore if you want to write a number one hit you have to find something which sets this up!

example: Chumbawamba, I get knocked down etc! an unlikely hit...


we used to sing it as a ‘round’
wow, never knew it worked as a round!

G_d

many people don't speak the name or write it in full, so as not to be disrespectful or take the name in vain ( it has become such a common word to use casually in my culture & I have unintentionally offended people many times using it as an exclamation...)

Jewish people don't speak or write it, and many Christians here say Gd ( speak the two letters )


gratitude28

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2582
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #58 on: May 11, 2006, 11:39:07 PM »
A non-scientific term I've heard for getting a song stuck in your head is "ear worm." Ugh, I get them many days. They say the only wayo to get rid of one is to give it to someone else. :lol:
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13659
Re: What are good ‘board’ manners to you?
« Reply #59 on: May 12, 2006, 07:03:47 AM »
Thank heaven I don't know the tune to Michael Finnegan...

um,, hey, Write...how does that tune go??

 :D

wormily,
Hops

"That'll do, pig, that'll do."