When I grew up there wasn't a lot of money. For the sake of keeping up appearances we were taught certain 'manners'.
If we had visitors we were told to hang back from the table until everyone else was fed, then have ours. If the visitors were hungry or greedy, that meant we didn't get much, just the cake crumbs.
This had two effects on my adult life: it made me eat too much, grab at food whilst you can, even though circumstances have changed and there's plenty to go around now.
And it made me a bit more gracious-aware of when other people are wanting something and not going to get it; I still find myself feeding others and checking out who only got crumbs, and giving away my cake when I know I can live without it.
It strikes me that in the clamourous search for our voices it is also possible to feel so entitled to them that others
must see our way. Have to. Even long after there is any common purpose and things are going back and forth with little common ground. The party breaks up. Suddenly everyone's getting crumbs.
Of course, I've spent a lot of time on this board in the past going over and over the same ground myself- relationships I wouldn't let go of, decisions I wouldn't make...and the heartaches that came from that.
Some of you have heard more than enough of my problems, but also- so have I. There comes a time with anything it's time to let go, move on. For me there was a time, some of you will remember, I had to take responsibility for my own unhappiness and start looking for positives and ways to bring more light into my life. But old habits die hard.
Like using metaphors....some people have soft voices, others sound like Fran Drescher; sometimes the tone is so harsh we can't hear their words. Sometimes no matter what a person says for now there's nothing positive they could say to us ( let alone sing) and sometimes we will not be heard, whatever our intentions or how much we try to sweeten the voice.
When I direct a choir one of the first things I work on is 'blending': all the voices coming together with strong central pitch values, toning down some of the stronger voices, and even sometimes turning a blind ear to the irremedial 'growlers'. Often after I have been working with a group for a while they say, 'why do we sound so different?'
'Because you are listening to each other, and to the whole, and being more responsive'.
Fortunately there are many outlets for hopeful songbirds, and raucous ravens, even the odd vulture ( they 'bark', I've really heard them...my son said 'don't go too close, you're upsetting it and it's getting ready to vomit on you mum!' )
In England the central part of the house or hall would have a huge table. The Board. The place where all the communal activities took place and in particular sustenance. From that many susequent words and phrases have come: board group; board meeting; cupboard; on board; bed and board; boarding. The word
Board has many definitions including: daily bread, keep, provisions, advisers, council, trustees, cast off, climb on, accommodate, harbor, put up, oh and chopping block!
Even today many tiny houses in the UK ( and a little one here in TX ) have huge dining tables, symbolic of the importance of the Board and communal meals, often unused except for special days. I use mine every day, and today there's cake!
