Would the real therapists/life coaches/mentors please step forward.

[pennyplant]

I do think there is something of a value judgment in the word "real".  It didn't offend me.  I took it to mean people who had formal training in the field or who were employed in the field.  But I can see where there would be some question about what is meant by "real".  Especially now that I have read the variety of training and experience that people on the board have.  So many jobs and experiences I never would have thought of.  And most of them I do not have the temperament to participate in!!

I hope to be able to help people, or have an impact, through becoming a better friend and through writing in some form.  I'm not too interested in becoming something official.  When I first attended college at age 18, I did major in Human Services thinking I wanted to be a social worker.  Even in my first semester, I doubted that I had the temperament for it.  A couple of my teachers thought I was being too hard on myself, and perhaps they were right.   But that tendency to be hard on myself has lingered in me, so I believe I was right that I eventually would have suffered burn-out.  I dropped out in my third semester as it was too hard to have a son, go to school and work.  So, that nipped my social work career in the bud.

I'm very impressed with the kind of work so many of you do in this area.  It takes a special kind of enthusiasm and generosity.  I admire that.

Pennyplant

[write]

'real'

I read it to mean real-life, as in done it for a job. I didn't see any value judgement in it.

Social work is really difficult Pennyplant- it's not enough resources to effect any real change in too many cases. It made me physically ill, I started with endometriosis, had sciatica and loads of viruses.

A friend who was a social worker ( and has now herself burned out and quit ) gave me some tough love and said 'how can you help other people until you're ok yourself'. I resigned and went for counselling but it was a newly qulified psychiatric nurse who I talked to. She unravelled a tremendous amount of my life then didn't know where to go with it; she was supposed to allocate a number of sessions to each client and wrap things up within this time frame, it was unrealistic and I felt brushed off. I remember her telling me all kinds of things which seem plain stupid now, like 'every marriage has its ups and downs' and I did leave thinking it must be my fault my marriage has failed, and I went back and gave it another go only for the same pattern to emerge. But if I hadn't I wouldn't have got my son!

It wasn't until I did two years with a trained experienced psychologist I really benefitted from any intervention.

I think intention is a great deal of it when people advise other people

this isn't addressed to anyone re their own work, but I disagree, plenty of people think their intentions are good when they beat or bully their children for example; the nurse who first counselled me I'm sure was doing her best, but her beliefs minimising domestic abuse led her to 'advise'. Some women return to their abusers and are severely beaten or even killed after being advised even by police that they are safe: such advice, though well-meant, could be tragic. People's intentions can be very noble and they still do damage.

I think it's important therapeutic work takes place within a framework of training and professional practice guidelines, to protect both client and worker.

There will still be bad practice, abuse of power or mistakes, but it's much clearer if there's an overall objective framework to what's going on.

[BJ]

'real'

I read it to mean real-life, as in done it for a job. I didn't see any value judgement in it.

Write, you got it right!  That's all.
BJ

[Portia]

Hi Bean thanks for the hug! I like a hug anytime.

I don't think you're a lunatic and your behavior here isn't odd to me.
Thanks Bean. It may not be now, but I think it was sometimes odd after I joined in Dec 03. Being here has helped me see myself more clearly, my interactions with others and helped me see my past more realistically. I think I’m getting to where I want to be and still learning of course.

I think you'd be a very good life coach for just about anybody who got a chance to know you.    Thanks for your confidence in me. I don’t know what I’ll do next. I’m afraid of failure which makes decision-making difficult.

BJ
Portia, don't sell yourself short. You've always struck me as a thinker and well-thought-out. Celebrate your uniqueness.
Thank you BJ. Maybe I am selling myself short. My education reports at age 17/18 said I was not convinced of my own potential and I think that has persisted. It’s tricky thinking of a new career at 44 and being aware of where I’ve come from, as it were. I think I know enough about social work and probation work now to know that I don’t want to do that (thanks Write). Maybe I’ll look into academic work.

[reallyME]

write

this isn't addressed to anyone re their own work, but I disagree, plenty of people think their intentions are good when they beat or bully their children for example; the nurse who first counselled me I'm sure was doing her best, but her beliefs minimising domestic abuse led her to 'advise'. Some women return to their abusers and are severely beaten or even killed after being advised even by police that they are safe: such advice, though well-meant, could be tragic. People's intentions can be very noble and they still do damage.

I sooooooooooooooo see your point here and agree with it.  I feel so angry, upset and helpless, watching people stay with abusers, parents abusing children, thinking it's "for their own good."  I heard a pastor preach how his dear mother whipped him with a hickory branch and how much gooooooooood it did him" yesterday at a church....I was FURIOUS!

Good comments write, however, i'm going to keep doing what I do, prof training or not.  I am called of God.  His sanction is all I need.

RM

[movinon]

BJ

My friends reasoning for trying to persuade me is that they see how much of it I do through 12-step, the women's groups, and other "informal" settings.  They just say that I would be great at it and think I should be getting paid for all of my experience. 

My eyes are somewhere else...I'm wanting to open up my own business, but I'm waiting until the divorce is final.

Movinon

[Hop guest]

Hey Mis Portiaita,
I think you would do wonderfully in somethng academic, and enjoy it too. You have such a clear, persistent, quizzical mind and you use language brilliantly.

As to your mental status...you are a lunatic if I'm a jackalope... ummm.... 

(((smart TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE IN EVERY WAY Portia))))))

Hops