Helping Others

[gratitude28]

Sheriff,
I think what I PM'd you about is what you are talkng about here. I got to where I was at a low point and made some calls and basically got blank stares in return and a lot of, "Why don't you talk to this or that person (a person I was not comfortable with)." I got to feeling that hey were all helping one another, but when I got to doing the most difficult thing for me - asking for help- they couldn't be bothered. Fortunately, I have a bit of courage and realize that I have to make the program work... and I'm thinking... maybe this is a lesson for me???????

Anansi,
Here's an example that might make sense in light of what you were saying about offering help... When I first started getting sober and learning to care about/help other people, I was on a website like this one, aimed at listening and responding to one another. However, I was so focused on ME that I would post and then want to see if others were reacting to ME. I wasn't helping just to be kind, I was looking for some kind of validation of my being on the board. Now I actually respond to people because I want to give thanks that they are here so we can help one another and also to maybe add something that has worked for me and/or simply the support of saying, "I am listening."

[moonlight52]

The takers they are sick and just only know how to function in that sick way .I think this is close to what Sela said .This helps so much
that means there is nothing wrong with me for trying to care for them(in the past).But my caring means nothing to people like that.Takers that just do not understand how to give they can't.I am not going to let people like
that keep breaking my heart .But that will not stop me from giving to others .I like to ,it sure is fun with the right folks.
Love and Light   
Moonlight

[gratitude28]

Sela and Moon, nice thoughts as always!!!!
Beth

[Anansi]

Dear Beth,

Thank you for listening and sharing with me.  And thank you for your insights!  What you last wrote to me above is an act of love, or shall I say, I feel love (I feel relieved and calmer because I was more focused on seeking validation by seeing who replied to me more than nurturing relationships, your sharing this seems like you know me very well and decided to do something about it!).  You really have helped me as I'm more calmer now in this forum where in the beginning I was getting addicted. 

Hi Portia,

I've been thinking about the bribe question and I'm really stumped on it right now.  I'll give it some more reflection and reply when I get something.  On the one hand, I'm thinking about House, MD (TV show) - Is he giving, is he an N? etc..
On another hand, I'm thinking about giving via a middle person.  I give to another person while projecting myself onto them, thus I'm giving to myself "using" a middleperson. 
"acknowledging that they exist (Hi), taking an interest (how are you?)" - Portia
Thank you for saying this.  It's helping me to look more deeply at my HIs and How are YOUs. 
Portia, I really like and accept what you wrote and shared with me, thank you.  Thank you for taking the time to consider me and write to me.  Thank you.

Anansi

For a little smile:  see: http://youtube.com/watch?v=yYTjct65cX0&feature=TopRated&page=1&t=t&f=b
(a funny cat and dog food commercial)

[Anansi]

Dear Hope,

Hi, nice to meet you.  Thank you (and your R/L hand) for replying.  I feel good when what I wrote receives some/any feedback, sharing, comments, refection (anything).  And if I don't receive any feedback, then, yeah, I feel the pain of being ignored.  How quickly do I regress even via this medium.

You hit a hot word:  Pride.  Oh, my oh my.  If the whole world would just stop for two months and do nothing but talk about Pride!
"What you think of me is more important than what I feel about myself!"  And doesn't this all go back to men not loving their partners enough to let them feel safe, cause if women felt safe from their men, then women wouldn't "use" their children as mirrors for them.  Then the poor kids never get to be seen.  I wish men could do real men's work (stop watching WWF), get together and work it out to the point where they can really love a woman.  They say we shouldn't idealize the old men's initiation rituals, but give me a time machine, I'll join those guys any day and come back as a man.  I'll even take the chance that I may not survive it.  What's the point of living like a boy trapped in a mirror (look forward to reading that book). 
I like your metaphor:  The left hand gives (heart) and the right hand (head) doesn't calculate.  I have put my interpretation on your metaphor. 
What do you think?

Anansi

If anyone hasn't seen this, I highly recommend it:  www.themeatrix.com