Hi, friends. I have been soooo busy (hear that blurbling...that's me underwater)... and I am sad a bit that I haven't had much time to read or respond here lately. But a few threads I read tonight have me thinking about the "self talk" we have. Some refer to it as the "old tapes" in our head , the inner critic, etc..
I thought I would share a few things that I have actually done, practically, to force the old, unproductive voices out, and to replace it with my authentic....um....."ME" voice!
And I am wondering /encouraging others to share what they have tried in getting themselves a "new attitude".
And it has to do with INTENTION and FAITH and also about dreams coming true.
When I first was going through this tough stuff (my legal battle with ex.....situational depression....the beginning of my eye opening journey), a parent of one of my students gave me a "prayer box" necklace. She told me to put a prayer in it and so I did, on a very small piece of paper. This was about 3 years ago.
Last week I opened it up.....and ALL of the things I place in that box are now manifested in my life. I married the love of my life, the courts allowed my children to move with me, and I have enough money to pay for things I need. Those are what I asked for. They may seem simple, but if you know my story, you know how difficult it all was.
What does this have to do with "self talk"? Well, when I first wrote those down, my inner tape said...."pie in the sky" "you will never get this" and more resoundingly: "you do not have this now, you need to be sad and angry about this.... and you have every right to be" (and I DID have a right to be!...but I got STUCK there)
I never heard "these things are good to ask for" "you deserve these things" "you can have these things".
About 14 months ago, I made a CD on the computer, my voice talking....telling me the things I needed to know about myself...as a way to displace what was running in my head. I listened to it a lot when I was alone. It was just for me. I spoke in present tense. I talked about how I am, what I am, how I create my life through my beliefs and choices, etc. I also talked specifics about my intention....where I would live, the resolution of the court stuff (as if it were a done deal), my marriage, etc (I was not married at the time).
It was hard to listen to my own voice anyway, never mind saying good things about myself. It took a lot of getting used to, as it was embarrassing in a way....especially if you have been trained as I had, not to consider yourself at all....unless you are at service to others.
But I listened anyway. I tried to like the sound of my voice. I tried to like and believe in what I was saying.
Anyway, I hadn't seen that CD in a while. I was a little concerned that someone else found it and heard it, but right before I went to the last court hearing, I found it, and listened to it on my way to the courthouse. I only got through the stuff about myself....personal affirmations stuff/belief system things...
so the CD stopped when I shut the car off at that point.
After the hearing (and I told you guys about it) when my ex (shockingly) threw in the towel and we forged a legal agreement that my daughter could come with me....
I turned on the car and the CD started up, but it was at the point of saying " The courts allow my children to live with me wherever we wish....I am trusted as thier loving mother to do what is best for them" and "(ex husband) has no power over me"
That's the first thing I heard. I sat there in the parking garage bawling in relief/gratitude for 10 minutes. Sobbed like a baby.
Anyway....this week (after working my butt of getting it ready) my house sold after less than 2 days on the market for well over it's asking price (bidding war of sorts) and my son just graduated High School, having won the outstanding jazz musician award and my daughter was promoted from middle school (and she sang at the ceremony...it was awesome). I have several job possibilities lining up and next week go to look at houses. oh, and today was my last day of teaching here....very emotional day...lots of crying kids and parents, but grateful, too.
The OLD ME is saying: "you sound like you are bragging, no one here wants to hear about your good fortune"
But the NEW ME (or should I say the REAL ME) says: "Cmon, everybody!!! The world is AWESOME. There is SO much love to go around....give some to yourself....look how it can WORK for us!!!"
Anyway.....I just cannot tell you how INTENTION, (and then all kinds of ridiculously hard work and sucky stuff in betweeen) mixed with GRATITUDE has made a difference in my life.
Oh, and then more ridiculously hard work and sucky stuff, too..
How does it go? "Before enlightenment, chopping wood and carrying water. After enlightenment, chopping wood and carrying water".
SOOOOOO, consider making a NEW TAPE for your head. Consider EXPECTING good things to happen.....consider LOVING yourself enough to KNOW you deserve the life you want!
Oh, and just so you don't think I walk around on a freakin' cloud all day....a scorpion stung me in the ankle today......and I am in soooo much pain, BUT it's funny! I have lived in the stinkin' desert for more than 20 years, and never been stung. So as a parting gift....I get it in the ankle (it crawled up my pants...I had visions of having to strip quickly in front of my first graders....but luckily I shook it out!).
Anyway, I wish you all well. I wish you peace at whatever place you happen to be. Pain is inevitable...learning from it is always an option. I am very grateful for having found this board when I did.
So how about it? Anybody want to share a new tape experience? (or tell me to shut up? oh wait , that's my old tape.... gotta burn that).
