A New Sherriff:
Your post resonated with me. I, too, was an optimist and became distraught and angry about life....and hated myself for it, because it did not suit me. This was the beginning for me. Why was I so uncomfortable? Because I needed to learn something. And the first step was knowing I didn't want to live that way.
You have taken that first step. It is hard to be still in the pain, but it is essential. It's how we learn. Going Through is indeed the only way. I am going to try really hard to find a poem someone on this board gave me several years ago.
It's just about this, stepping through and accepting it and changing. (I will get back to you when I find it)
There is nothing wrong with feeling bad right now. It's important. Please know that it is part of the process. We are human, and part of that is our frailty, our inability to always be happy and in connection with our essence, our love. Out inability to accept that we won't and can't always have control. It's ok.
Trying to get over it or around it or ignoring it will only postpone it and very likely make it worse, bigger or even more overwhelming. Sit with it. Find some kind of meditation to help you with it. I find Tunglen extremely helpful in this. But there are just as many ways to acknowledge it and appreciate it (yes, appreciate the pain) and learn from it as there are people.
I highly recommend NOT trying to make it go away with alcohol or people or joining a cult or drugs. The pain is there as your ally. It has something to tell you. Listen. No one/thing can save you from it, nor do you need saving. Listen.
Have some faith. Intend to grow and learn from this, and you will. Like magic, the universe will respond to you as you intend. Intend to learn and move through this. You will.
By the way, I am an optimist again....or I should say, I am at peace with where the world needs to be right now.
When I am back down there in the muck....(oh, and I will be)....I will remember that I am there to learn, and then I won't have to stay there quite so long as before. Or maybe I will......either way, it's ok.