Author Topic: Disturbing Trend on this Board  (Read 7902 times)

Avery

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« on: January 29, 2004, 07:00:21 PM »
I feel compelled to address an issue that has become recurrent on this board.  There is an individual, who I will not name at this point, who seems intent on chastising and reprimanding the people who write to this board for comfort and/or advice.  I believe it is extremely important that the individuals who write to this board can do so without fear of being ridiculed, or made to feel as if they are burdening the other posters.  People are coming here to find shelter from this type of behavior, not receive more of it.    :x   We are all here to help each other and I, for one, would like to know that I can read/write into this board and find friends.  If you can't find something helpful and positive to say to help another...why are you posting??!!!

Avery

Anonymous

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« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2004, 08:39:14 PM »
this is interesting. Since the guru wannabee stuff I have felt there is a presence here which IS malignant, and less than helpful.

Avery

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« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2004, 10:13:42 PM »
Excellent points, Jacmac.  I guess I just needed to vent and make it public that I don't think berating someone who needs help is right...I read a couple of posts today and I got really mad!  I felt so bad for the people that were asking for help!  You are right, though...what can we do but ignore them?  I just wanted everyone to know that all of us aren't like that and that we truly are here to help and offer support.  Thanks for the reply...you're really good at finding a way to learn something from every experience...I need to practice that.

Avery

Anonymous

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« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2004, 10:18:54 PM »
I totally understand!

phoenix

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« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2004, 11:29:07 PM »
bye

Discounted Girl

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« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2004, 02:37:46 AM »
Avery,
Are you handling the Superbowl frenzy ok? Well, I have not thought of it as a dark presence here (after our Nmothers can there be anything darker?) but I have sometimes wondered who all these "guest" postings are -- and what all that arguing about being kicked off some other board was all about, but I read and post here to be a ventor and a ventee. I have gained a tremendous amount of knowledge and do in fact feel better since joining this group. I think that for each of us our "reality" is personal and special only to us and how we perceive it to be. This is a cyber world, built on the abstract and I don't put any more into it than that. I feel no pressure here and nobody is forced to read a post, even if it is addressed to them. Given the backgrounds from which most of us come, a less than encouraging message on a forum should be easy to ignore.

rosencrantz

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« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2004, 07:46:08 AM »
Hi Portia - I haven't been reading the board for some time so I don't know who or what is being referred to here but I'm quite sure it isn't you.

I've had a quick look to see what you might have posted today and I see that you have been clear, assertive and truthful.  

And I know how being clear and assertive can make the 'victim' of an N (that's you and me) feel fearful that the world will fall down around our ears (because we know that Ns don't like our truth and punish us for it)!!  I have been there myself.

Take heart that being clear and truthful is NOT damaging to normal souls - you are simply fearing that others will react like the Ns in your life.

And if you read the posts on this thread carefully you will see that they are referring in particular to some anonymous 'guest'  - so that's not you, either!

Courage, mon brave!  Stick with your truth even tho it makes you feel anxious.  The rest of us 'victims of Ns' love you for it cos we're struggling to speak our truth, too. :-)
R
"No matter how enmeshed a commander becomes in the elaboration of his own
thoughts, it is sometimes necessary to take the enemy into account" Sir Winston Churchill

CC

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« Reply #7 on: January 30, 2004, 09:29:43 AM »
Portia dear,  I really don't think this reference by Avery was to you.  

Avery - I have re-read through some recent posts and honestly, I am having trouble identifying the individual that you are implicating.  However, I may not be as sensitive as others so I think it is good that you are drawing attention to it if you think someone is being hurtful.  

There are a couple of people here that have always had a more direct way of pointing things out that sometimes we cannot see ourselves, and quite honestly I find it refreshing.  I know personally, I have welcomed when someone has metaphorically slapped me in the face here with a "snap out of it!" approach!  As victims of Ns we sometimes tend to stick our head in the proverbial sand of denial.

I don't think this is what you are referring to however, and those people usually name themselves (I am not afraid of naming example names since they've been helpful to me - Bunny and Rosencrantz? ) Additionally, I don't think that "critical" is the word that would be accurate to describe those two posters anyway.  So my guess is you are referring to someone relatively new that is not clearly identified.

Anyway, just wanted to "exonerate" a couple of the people that express themselves very directly here and that I find helpful on this board in case their was any question in their minds.  Hopefully others agree with me.

Additionally, now that you have drawn attention to this situation I'm sure the rest of us regulars will definitely keep a watchful eye.  Mean-spirited people are not welcome here.

In the meantime, for newcomers or anyone feeling unsafe, remember you don't have to allow people's opinions here to penetrate.   Take advice and support with a grain of salt - you can take only what you want and leave the rest for someone else.  It is a good test to trust your new found voice, too - and learn better how to identify if something is making you feel "wrong".

I think the fact that people like Avery are here looking out for each of us confirms that this truly IS  a safe place - because the minute something feels "wrong" it is met with strength!  

Thanks for the heads up!
CC - 'If it sucks longer than an hour, get rid of it!'

Guest

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« Reply #8 on: January 30, 2004, 10:25:26 AM »
testing this name

Anonymous

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« Reply #9 on: January 30, 2004, 01:00:35 PM »
another test, I'm tryin to get to the bottom of this! sorry...just let me mutter to myself here...Portia

Anonymous

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« Reply #10 on: January 30, 2004, 01:42:27 PM »
Hi Portia!
I am truly sorry if I have in anyway caused you any anxiety.  I can only speak for myself, of course, but I was not thinking of you when I responded to Avery's post, just speaking in general.  
Hey, I can be as confrontational as the best of them, but I find that I am pretty good at discerning whether that will be helpful to the person I am speaking to or whether that person just needs a good old fashioned hug.  Now, that's my approach, but my approach may not always work, or be the best approach, so it's great to have others with different approaches as well.  And I think the fact that you "felt sick to your stomach" at the thought that we might have been referring to you takes you out of the "mean-spirited" poster category.  Such a person would say, "Screw you and what you think." or atleast  would think it, that's my opinion.

Yes, some times pissing someone off is the best way to make an impression.  I find that I'll sit back and fume, and them self-relfection sneaks up on me, and in a room with my therapist we explore whether or not that person is right!  
Some people, however, haven't learned how to do that, and are very good at beating themselves up.  Maybe there's a better way to be direct.  I don't know.  I think your posts were direct, but not offensive.  I was speaking about an anonymous "Guest" with narcisstic undertones to their advice.  But hey, I could be wrong about that as well.  
Alas, I am infallably human!!!! :(

Jacmac, as guest

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« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2004, 01:43:57 PM »
Ooops, that's me above!  I can't log in on this computer.
And I'm still trying to figure out if that makes sense "infallably human"
or should I have said "fatally human" -- oh, well, you guys know what I mean.  I hope. :oops:

tayana

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« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2004, 02:24:47 PM »
Portia,

"Guest" is probably a default sign in.  The only way not to allow postings from "guest" would be for the board owner to block the ability for people who are not logged in to post.  That can only be done by the administrator of the site.  That is the way most messageboards work.

Hope that helps.
http://tayana.blogspot.com

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot
do.
-Elanor Roosevelt

hope2003

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« Reply #13 on: January 30, 2004, 02:42:18 PM »
I haven't posted in awhile, although i have been reading to posts.  I want to weigh in on this topic since I was on the Npartners board and was one of the people who was kicked off.

I happen to agree with CC.  Some members are more direct in their approach. I haven't found anything offensive to date.

I think that it is the responsibility of the person who is feeling slighted to speak up to the person whom they believe slighted them.  Hopefully, that will put an end to any bad feelings. We must assume that advice is given in our best interests.  Just as therapists have different styles of communication, so do members of this board.  If someone communicates in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it is the poster's choice to ignore the advice.

Personally, I welcome straight advice.  It is my style of communication and it resonates with me.  I realize it isn't the same for eveyone.  but, to start singling out members and chastize them for a different communication style is wrong, and was the problem with the Npartners board.  

There is room for everybody and all opinions.

Hope

phoenix

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« Reply #14 on: January 30, 2004, 04:05:53 PM »
bye