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Victim Mentality?????

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Not a troublemaker:
I have made a number of moves in the right direction; I have gone through a number of the recovery "stages" but I am always mindful that in any given situation, the right word, at the right time, by the right person, can trigger a response that sets me right back to square one.
Because I know this, when I speak to someone struggling at "stage one" I adopt a "there for the Grace of God go I" attitude. Maybe this person already "knows" what to do and how to do it; maybe this person is relapsing and needs some good old fashion reassurance. Maybe this is just a bad day for them.
Certainly we can all admit that knowing as much as we do, having "recovered" as much as we have, we can and will respond as if we had not done all of that work if we're triggered.

JACMAC EXPLAINED EXACTLY WHAT SHE MEANT, AND GUEST (WHOEVER YOU ARE) IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT IS BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT TO UNDERSTAND.  INTELLECTUALIZING AND QUIBBLING OVER WORDS NEVER SOLVED ANYTHING.

Anonymous:
[I mean, it seems to me, someone who has been hurt and abused, used, devalued - however you want to term it, has the right to say, I have been treated unfairly. Is it being suggested that the "victim" should not give a voice to her (his) pain, her anger, her feelings of violation?]

Yes, a person can voice their feelings and grievances. They should not be called a victim by their partner. However, if you're with someone who is immature, narcissistic, or something, you will not succeed in obtaining any empathy from him. Sometimes you have to, "know when to hold and when to fold."


[I was recently involved
 with used to constantly complain about what he termed as my desire to live in the past, and to be miserable all the time. You see, his concept of the past was yesterday, and his idea of my being miserable was the fact that I did not conveniently forget how he had disrespected and devalued me only hours before, in order to have a good time (have sex, go out to dinner, enjoy a romantic evening, or laugh and joke around)in the present.]

He may be incapable of understanding, of taking responsibility. That's something you'd have to assess.


bunny

Anonymous:
my post- my last, I don't feel comfortable here even anon- was due to my family incidence of alcoholism, which is as misunderstood as narcissistic personality disorder.

rosencrantz:
You may not read this Guest, but I hope you do.  I'd like you to understand that people need a 'handle' to know who you are so that they can develop an empathy for you, a way of responding to you - but when there are several people called 'Guest', they all get mixed up together and confused with each other and people may respond to one 'Guest' thinking they are another - or just ignore them.  

Therefore, nobody has had a chance to respond to you as a separate person.  I have no idea which posts are yours and which are not and I tend to ignore 'Guest' posts - not purposefully, it's just that if someone doesn't want to be 'known', it seems to give me a message that they don't want to be 'seen'!!

I - with respect - encourage you to meet the challenge of creating a name for yourself (as we all have) and join us here and share your very own special (but still anonymous) voice with us.

Do try any of the books by (Janet?) Woititz - I'm sure they will help.  She really understands how alcoholic families affect their adult children.

Kindest thoughts
R

rosencrantz:
PS - And if it helps any, I've found the whole of this thread confusing.  I don't know who's doing what.  I feel manipulated and wrongfooted and uncomfortable.  So if you feel the same - it's not you, it's what's going on in the thread!
R

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