Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Victim Mentality?????

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seeker:
Whoopsie.  Last post was from me.   8) Seeker

Anonymous:
is insulting.
And codependence.

'Abused women aren't "codependent". It is abusers, not their partners, who create abusive relationships' ( Lundy Bancroft )

This is even more apparent in a relationship with a narcissist, for the narcissist will manipulate your reactions to dominate you very subtly. It may be years before an n-victim finally unravels what is actually going on.

Anastasia:
Everytime I hear someone has a "victim mentality" I assume it means that the person assumes they will be a victim and--with a negative connotation to that--has a "poor little me/pity me" attitude.

rosencrantz:
I popped in yesterday to say 'Hi' to folks after having been away from the Board for a while.  It was my birthday and I wanted to spend some time with 'old' friends.  :-)   And I ended the day with some good feelings, having heard from many 'old' voices and met some new ones.

However, by today I feel quite dizzy with what's going on on this board. And I feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland - or was that through the Looking Glass? The mirror is being held up one way - and when you respond to it, suddenly it shifts and is held up another way.

And I don't know on which thread to post about what any more!!!

And those of you who know me, know I don't get confused very often!!  In fact, I don't believe I've experienced confusion on this Board before.

So, what IS going on??!

I feel I need to say that it's OK to be direct and to ask for what you want. If you hedge around the houses and thus avoid saying what you really mean then you won't get the answer that you're looking for.  I can answer direct questions with direct answers - but I'm not good at handling moving goalposts.

(Did someone move the goalposts?  I'm not sure and it doesn't matter.  Who's right and who's wrong is just a blind alley.)

I think this Board is a good support - but it's qutie a rigorous one.  It's not 'there, there'.  There's nobody here with answers, no referee, no higher authority, just shared experiences - like real life really.  There's nobody to stand up for us poor ol' 'victims of N's', nobody to take our side, nobody to 'tell off' the Ns in our lives, no-one to say who's right  - we have to do it for ourselves.  Ultimately, we have to tell ourselves what the truth is, know the truth, know where salvation lies (ie inside us).  Nobody can do that for us.  You have to know ithe truth from your boots up!!

I guess that reflects just a stage in moving on beyond the pain of being an 'N' victim.  (See, we're so unimportant, we haven't even got a label of our own!!!)  :wink:

I have no idea whether that helps anyone - just expressing my response to reading a few posts.

Take care everyone
R

Anonymous:
An alchoholic is never cured, he always has to understand that he has a disease, an addiction that can and will over-power him if he does not give that disease the respect and attention and care that it deserves.

this does not make sense to me: alcoholism is not an organic disease but a maladaptive way of coping with otherwise unbearable tensions.

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