Touch

[reallyME]

First of all, adrift, ah but you ARE giving to us in return.  You are sharing your story, your heart, and helping some of us feel not so alone anymore.  That is a huge GIFT to all!


Bean, I think

This is one of the most painful memories for me, but my N Mom used to make us all hug and kiss her everynight before we went to bed.  It was horrible!  I never wanted to, but she made us, so I just tried to get it over with quickly without a whole lot of toodo (and I remember if I scrunched up my face in pain, she'd get mad at me).  If all felt so cold and unnatural, her lips were always pursed and it was like a hard peck - I can't even describe the un-hug either.  bleck!!

With my own children, I NEVER made them hug people they did not feel comfortable with.  I remember one incident...we were an Italian/German family...someone in my relatives got upset with me cause my daughter would not hug them.  So they told my mother, who scolded me (I was an adult, remember)...she told me "you should make your daughter hug aunt julia, cause it's the right thing to do."  I told her, "I will NOT ever force my children to give their bodies to someone if they are uncomfortable...that produces a child-molest case as far as I'm concerned.  Their body is THEIR BODY!"

Laura

[Hopalong]

Dear Adrift,
Never MIND "normal." That word is used to beat people up; sometimes we use it to beat ourselves up.

You are conscious, aware, thinking, beginning to reclaim your body and your own mind and it doesn't matter how old you are, either. It's never too late to learn, heal, and come alive.

Be proud of yourself. Be kind and patient with yourself.

As to your sexuality, fantasies, and unusual needs or feelings...be kind to yourself about them too.

There is always a logic in our deep subconscious, our psyche, our deepest self. Our minds, farther up, sometimes show us our wounds in disturbing ways.

Listen to it. Can you find a good therapist and share every single thing you just shared with us?

You are so articulate about your story. This is half the battle. You can tell it, you can name it.
That's an enormous accomplishment. That's a leap forward.

Don't give up, okay?

Hopalong

[gratitude28]

Hi everyone,
I had such an amazingly busy week here at home and work that I was unable to read anything on this site until today. Wow! What a wonderful subject this has turned out to be. I have read every word and I can't tell you how touched I am (no pun intended!) that we were all able to share these stories. It means so much to me to read that other people understand me. I have so much in common with everyone here and it is one of the first times in my life I feel that I fit in.
Thank you so much.
I still have some catching up to do here at work, but I hope to be on a lot more and catch up on the other 678 threads I missed this past week
Love, Beth

[cat]

My parents never hugged - nor do I hug my sister.  It just seems so weird.  As I've gotten older, people who are huggers have come up, and asked if they could give me a hug at some type of a social function.

A school teacher in the area believes so much in hugging that she has worked with her public school in a manner that allows each student in her 3rd grade class to get at least two hugs a day.  The children form a hug line on their way out of the classroom.  The teacher hugs them, and the TA hugs them.  It's safe - and protects the kids and teachers - and it's something the children look forward to getting.

Then, about 10 years ago, a little "niece" was introduced into my life a week before my house burned down.  I lived with this family for three months for three months before getting a place of my own.  When the parents would get too tired, I would rock this child.  10 years later, this child still climbs into my lap and uses it as her "tv" chair.  She snuggles, she grabs hands, she plants kisses whenever she wants. 

The greatest joy of my life is when she comes to my house, or sees me from a distance - she starts running - and then launches herself into my arms knowing I will catch her.

And that - ya'all - is one of the greatest joys in my life coming from a house with no touch.

[moonlight52]

Dear Adrift ,My twin brother and I were whipped with a belt from age 4 to 13 .Regularly as you say.
I do remember knowing as it was happening it was wrong . We were never given a reason for the abuse.
My brother was taken in first and I heard his screams and  then I was taken in.My father would say Moon you know I won't stop until you cry .
I would grit my teeth more and try and hold on more.If we were being punished for doing something wrong then that would mean every thing that the twins did wrong we did together .
Most of the time I was playing with my girl friends.And we were never told why we were being whipped with our fathers belt.I have taken the belt out of my fathers hand.
I knew what was being done was wrong.It was father's sheer rage taken out on innocents
We did nothing wrong it was my father using us as a whipping post in a house of terror.
Moon

[reallyME]

As far as your so-called "father" goes, all I can say is LEMMEE AT HIM! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, I HATE ABUSE!

but Moonlight, GENTLE HUGS TO YOU :O)

~ReallyME
Laura

[moonlight52]

Laura, My heart with so much gratitude thanks you for your validation .Your words of understanding are the healing that my heart yearns
for as anyone with such a wound needs and here you are knowing just how to HEAL.
Many Big Hugs Back to you Laura
moon

[reallyME]

Awww Moon, thanks

I'm taking an Intercultural Communication class at college right now, and I can see why God led me to this board, as well as leading me to take this class.  He is trying to show me how to love people of all different backgrounds and cultures.  I am learning this lesson in a gentle way, not the hard way...that makes it so useful and wonderful to me.

Laura

[moonlight52]

Laura, With my new found break through and freedom from n dad I am feeling like taking some college classes .My d has full load of classes in the fall.Our girl gets some funding from the government which helps .But MOST of all I think I get to be free from n dad.Also one
of my d classes is of the history of Russian monarchs I love it.She sez I can help her this subject is just something I love to read about,
I think I am going to like going back to college but at my age oh well ...............I THINK THIS IS A GOOD THING yes !!!!!!!!!!!!
MOON 

[Hopalong]

Wow, Moon, I think it's good too!
You are SO smart.

What a joy you have in learning.

Hops

[reallyME]

Wow Moon! You GO GIRL!  Isn't going back to College such a wonderful thing?!  I love it!

~Laura