Is she NPD, a Diva or just a Princess?

[BJ]

She can ask for whatever she wants, but the great this is, you can DO whatever YOU want. It's clear you know what to you need to do...can you act on it now and stop seeing/talking to her? Your anger about her desires should make you happy you aren't married to her.
You said you are getting stronger--good for you! I'm sure there are many women who would be proud to be your date. It's a female-rich environment out there when it comes to finding a good man. Go have some fun!...TONIGHT.
BJ

[Brigid]

Jack,

I encourage you to start a thread in which you talk about nothing but YOU.  With no mention of You Know Who.

I couldn't agree more.  Trust me, I know how hard that is.  I spent an entire year in therapy only talking about my ex and what he had done to me.  However, we had been married for 23 years and had 2 children, so it was a bit more involved and complicated than just having dated someone for 6 months. 

But the bottom line is, you cannot begin to heal and move forward until you start looking at you.  You will be stuck in the blame game and not dealing with how you ended up with her in the first place, and chose to stay with her even after all the red flags started waving.  You don't want this woman or anyone like her as a life partner.  You need to have the tools within you to find and move forward with someone who worthy of being your mate, not someone you must accomodate to fit her needs. 

4 men    Give me a break!  I agree with Bean that if her therapist told her that, s/he should not in the practice of counseling others--they probably need therapy themselves.  I cannot imagine anything which would be less healthy or productive than that.

Brigid

[ezpzlemonsqueezy]

Jack,

Our stories are very similar....6 months of an abusive relationship.

I do agree with the others....If you keep focusing on her than she is still controlling you and you are still being abused and being played like a fiddle.

Think of things you can do to recover from this relationship?

In my case recovery means therapy and medication. I took a class this morning learning to play golf for the first time in my life.

What can you do to make your life better?

There are a lot of caring people on this board. And That means that there are lot of caring people in the world. Only 1% of the population is NPD.

let's Focus on the caring people in the world and not those that have personality defects (NPD)

Get yourself better and find someone who is caring not a NPD. They are out there!

That's my plan anyway

Best Wishes!

[Hopalong]

Hey Jack,
Occured to me that people can report things from therapy in a distorted way. For example, X might have been talking about herself (ya think?) in such a way that she worked herself up to a point of grandiosity and said something like, I feel as though one man just isn't enough for MOI, blah, blah... And the therapist could have said something like, yes, you need FOUR! in a tongue-in-cheek way.

I point this out because my T is perfectly willing to be ironic or briefly sarcastic to make a point, and he's a good skilled T. He'll even get mad now and then (not at me, but the N I'm talking about). Just makes me trust him more, actually, to have him be a little more human like that.

So her T might be just fine, but I've read several places that even superb Ts often are practically helpless in the face of a full-tilt N. It is terribly hard to treat, and my T says it's exhausting for Ts.

Another thought is that Bean's suggestion of a separate thread in which you talk ONLY about Jack is brilliant. You could use it as an exercise for growth. And read the books, okay? They WILL help.

(Brigid once said I can be bossy. Can you BELIEVE that?) 

Hops

[anony123]

Hey Hops, Yes you seem a tad bossy , but so am I a lot of the time. I learned it from my DaD who was a professional soldier and then a cop. So bossy perople are in my world - go Hops !

Jack, (erecting some new boundaries over here )

[Hopalong]

 ((((((Jack)))))

Hops

[BrianD]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh JODI ALERT JODI ALERT!

anony: She has had two other relationships in her life in which she maintained connections with the men AFTER their romantic relationship ended.

It's not just boyfriend/girlfriend the N's do this with.  It's ANY SUPPLY SOURCE (AKA: human being who was their last victim)

Jodi did the same thing when I was her NEW CONQUEST.  She began devaluing her last supply source to me, saying "I don't like them and I'm sick of this...DO YOU BLAME ME?"  The thing is, YES I BLAMED HER FOR LOVING PEOPLE ONE MOMENT, HATING THEM THE NEXT! I BLAMED HER VERY MUCH FOR THAT, and one day I explained to her "I don't get it...you told me that person was everything to you, but 2 days later you don't like them?  What's up with that?"  Immediately Jodi would defend herself saying, "No No You don't understand what I'm saying.  It's not that I don't like them, it's that _____________________"  IF I still didn't agree with her RIGHT to despise people, she would say "never mind, I guess it's just something too deep for ya."

~RM

Man, there really is a pattern with these people.

My last N girlfriend was really big on this "let's be friends" shit right after she ripped my guts out.  Funniest thing is that the last time I spoke to her (when I basically told her what a selfish person she was), in the same conversation she referred to her current lover as being 'sweet and understanding' of her but 'not giving her everything she wants'.

Of course, only weeks earlier, I was the most important person in the world to her, but that ended without so much as an even partial explanation.

Bottom line is that these people have no conscience or normal feelings beyond what makes THEM feel good.  Any sort of sacrifice or compromise on their part is simply too much to ask.

[anony123]

Hi all, I have decided to try and get out more. I am going to enrol in golf, tennis, thai cooking and salsa dance classes.  I joined the country club and renewed my gym membership. I am built like a slimmer Arnie, so, in a couple of months , I will be in top shape.
 
I had a facial and the ladies in the salon thought I was George Clooney when I walked in .There was a line around the block waiting for my autograph too.( I get that mistaken identity stuff a lot. It gets old )
Any of you ladies single ??

Jack (having fun)

[reallyME]

Brian: Funniest thing is that the last time I spoke to her (when I basically told her what a selfish person she was), in the same conversation she referred to her current lover as being 'sweet and understanding' of her but 'not giving her everything she wants'.

Oh, Brian, I JUST HAD TO JUMP IN ON THIS ONE!  I feel soooooooooooooooo understood by you in your post!

Let me share something about Jodi similar to what you posted here.

When Jodi would preach online, she would actually incorporate into her message, how WONDERFUL the newest ministry partner was, and how God DELIVERED her from such a "WRONG CHOICE" recently.  Then she would go on to say how this new partner didn't "give me everything I want and was even FIRM with me on things."  I would sit there, hearing this going, "Heyyyyyyyyy wait a minute!!!!!!!!! When I tried to be firm with you and not give you everything you wanted, you TURNED ON ME AND SAID I SHOULD JUST LET YOU HAVE WHATEVER YOU NEEDED TO DO YOUR MINISTRY>>>>So now this new person, when they do the exact SAME THINGS I DID WITH YOU, YOU PRAISE THEM IN FRONT OF EVERYONE???  WHy were the EXACT SAME ACTIONS FROM ME NOT ACCEPTABLE, YET FROM THIS NEW PERSON THEY ARE WORTHY TO BE SUNG FROM THE HIGHEST MOUNTAINTOP, BECAUSE AFTERALL, NOW YOU "Finally found GOD'S BEST" for you.

I will tell you why N's do that...it's part of the initial WOOING process of the newbie.  It will last usually about 3, 6, 9 mos, sometimes a few years or more, but usually not...cause the person begins getting close, loving this N, but seeing them as they truly are underneath all the glitz, glamour and BS....basically A BASKETCASE OF WOUNDS AND EMOTIONS!  Once they start suspecting that you are seeing TRUTH, the DEVALUING begins.  THis very new person you are listening to them engrandize, will be devalued and discarded next, just as you were.

My friend Dove calls it "kicked off the bus next"  We both have seen Jodi do this to a person just recently and we are sure that the one she is with, is NEXT off the bus now.

~RM

[gratitude28]

Thank you for changing the title of your post. It bugged me too, but I hadn't gotten around to writing about it.
Beth

[Anansi]

Perhaps I'm missing something but BJ highlighted a key item from what you said:  "Sex was the only element of our relationship that worked really well"

I'm wondering what's under these words.  Is it possible that you are viewing this woman as a mother substitute object (ie: wanting to merge again with mother").  If that's the case, then bravo for her for putting up boundaries.  She may be sensing that YOU are using her. 

I'm wondering if you are in the process of owning/withdrawing your projections.  In what ways are you N, a Diva, a Prince? 

Good Luck as I know how painful it is to withdraw projections .. Agony. 

Hi Beth, I'm glad you're back!

Anansi


"If you spot it you got it"

[Hops]

Hi Jack,
I'd certainly take you up on it, I'm single as shoo-fly pie, but I'm old enough to be your step-great-aunt-once-removed, and loony, too.

Go meet yourself a NICE young woman. 
You deserve her.

Hops

[gratitude28]

Hi Anansi...
I usually take the weekend off... we have so much kid stuff going on usually. Also, my husband is getting set to go to Iraq, so we are spending as much time with him as possible.
How are you doing? Are you feeling that you are making some progress? Any small steps you've taken that have made you feel good?
Love, Beth