difficult choices

[Stormchild]

((((((((((Daylily))))))))))

lighting a candle for you both.

[daylily guest]

I am ready to leap off the nearest tall building.  My mother's condition has improved a bit.  She's in the hospice, but they're already making noises that she may "stabilize" and have to go back to the nursing home.  She basically has 48 hours to deteriorate or move.

The hospice unit is beautiful, not unlike an upscale hotel, and the staff is very loving and attentive.  It's incredibly sad that my mother has to be dying to get this level of care, and if she's not (or not at this moment), well, too bad--back to the nursing home with her.

I don't even know what to pray for any more.  My health has taken a hit, too (probably stress)--I have a fever and a nasty cough.

Oh, ick.

daylily

[Stormchild]

Oh, daylily. They want your mother to die on a timetable they set for her, or she can't stay in the nice place? How horrible. Is that even legal? What about Art Buchwald? [ceased dialysis and then throve happily in hospice for weeks and weeks and is now home in Martha's Vineyard last I saw]. Or Terri Schiavo?

Can you talk to an elder law attorney? I know it's the last thing on earth you want to do.

In re stress - try to eat, and if you take calcium supplements try the Ca-Mg-Zn kind if you don't have any reason to avoid them [like kidney stones] - I became ill far less often under stress if I took my minerals regularly - might work for you too.

In re fever and cough, you might want to see a doc. If she picked up a bug in hospital, you may have a trace of it yourself now, and your immune system will be stronger than hers but might benefit from a little help.

I am so sorry, you must be beside yourself.

Lighting an entire section of votives for you both.

[Hopalong]

Ohh Daylily,
I'm so sorry. Not to be irreverent but I am lighting the nearest Viking and shoving him out on a barge.

There is no way it can be perfect. Nature can be so nasty, nature is unmoved.
Maybe one way to help get through it is to just keep on being in the moment.
Whatever the moment is, just be present to it.

If you're tired enough to be irritable or you're sick, you're normal.
Florence Nightingale crossed with Mother Theresa has left the building.

Just be you, weary you.
Be good to yourself. Hope you can take a few hours to nap and have a bath.
Drink lots of water.

What small useless things to suggest. Can't fix anything,
I will pray for you.

(((((((((((Daylily and Mom))))))))))))

Hops

[Portia]

Dear Daylily

What can I say? Logic works for me. What your mother feels is not what you feel. Please be strict with yourself about how totally separate you are, if you think it will help you? 

Your mother may live for some time, or she may die soon: you can’t affect that. Her body and mind will decide for her. You’re not responsible for her.

Stay away from tall buildings! How about some vapour inhaling over a bowl of hot water for your cough and fever? Please look after you. Small things can make a big difference.

[Sela]

Hiya Daylily:

Well.......isn't it weird?  How one minute a person seems so near death and another they sort of.....perk up?
It can be unsettling and confusing.  Here you are, trying to come to grips with letting go and all of a sudden you don't have to do that, maybe.......yet.

One good thing....you said you aren't "ready for her to go" so maybe this will be a little more time for you both?   The next couple of days will probably indicate what direction to go in.

Please take care of you Daylily.  See your doc to make sure re cough and fever, maybe?  Chicken soup.  Lot's of fluids.  Get as much rest as you can.

(((((((((((((((((((Daylily)))))))))))))))))))))))

This won't last forever.

Sela

[pennyplant]

I am ready to leap off the nearest tall building.  My mother's condition has improved a bit.  She's in the hospice, but they're already making noises that she may "stabilize" and have to go back to the nursing home.  She basically has 48 hours to deteriorate or move.

The hospice unit is beautiful, not unlike an upscale hotel, and the staff is very loving and attentive.  It's incredibly sad that my mother has to be dying to get this level of care, and if she's not (or not at this moment), well, too bad--back to the nursing home with her.

Oh Daylily, something similar happened to a co-worker of mine.  It was terribly stressful for her.  As things turned out in her situation, her father did not end up having to be moved back and forth.  He was able to stay in hospice.  Perhaps it will turn out that your mother does not ever have to be moved.  It seems like moving back and forth would be very stressful for all concerned.  I hope that does not have to happen.

Perhaps just pray for the best possible outcome.  Or perhaps you have prayed enough now.  I'm very sorry this is so hard.

Love, Pennyplant

[mum]

Daylily, I am just catching up here.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I feel for you,  being in a similar (yet not so dire)situation with my mom, I understand how helpless you feel. Since my mom has been in and out of near death several times now, but is severely incapacitated still, and when coherent, is not particularly fond of being in such a state....we have all just let it go. Let go of the wanting it to be resolved, wanting it to be different, wanting more for her, wanting death for her, wanting her to either get better or go to rest...

It's so very hard, and I hope you will take what I say with love as I give it...but we cannot control these things, even though we think we can by reducing meds, increasing meds, changing venues, etc....
Like most painful situations,  it's a matter of sitting still in the pain of it all, and just accepting that it hurts, and that we cannot know, as humans, what to do all the time. Death is one of those places where that reality hits us the hardest at our core.

Sending you and your mom: peace....faith.....love.

[daylily guest]

Hello everybody,

My mother passed away at about 1:00 p.m. today.

Thank you all for your support, prayers, and good wishes.  This has been a difficult time, and it touches me a great deal to know that so many of you have taken time out of your lives to wish my mother well.


daylily

[Certain Hope]

Dear Daylily, I am sorry. May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ guard your heart and mind as you grieve.

Hope

[mum]

Oh, Daylily. May your memories console you, and your faith comfort you. She is at peace. May you find peace in that as well.
Sending love. love and more love....
Mum

[gratitude28]

daylily,
God bless you and your mother. I wish you peace.
Love, Beth

[mudpuppy]

daylily,

Not sure what you're feeling now, probably several different things.
But God's peace upon you.

mud

[moonlight52]

dayLilly ,Sending Love and Light God Blessing to you
MoonLight

[Portia]

((((((((((((((daylily)))))))))))))

Thinking of you now. best wishes and hopes that you know you are not alone.