I don't know if anyone followed this case of the mother who drowned all 5 of her children 5 years ago.
Sometimes I wonder if it's a case of 'there but for the grace of G_d go I'...sometimes I feel MORE judgemental, for all the voices and mental states I get to sometimes- I am certain in my heart I cannot kill or harm others, most especially my son.
But then I have always turned my anger inwards, to self-destructive behaviour or depressed or medicated sleep.
I rarely raise my voice let alone hurt anyone physically; on the few occasions I have slapped my son it has traumatised me more than him.
It makes me feel strongly about no violence rules within the family etc
- imagine if I were desensitised to beating children as discipline for example or to punishing- could I do this kind of atrocity in an unthinking or psychotic place?
Strangely, I have always nurtured my child and other children, even though it has been strange sometimes, eg overprotective, overfeeding. I become obsessed with safety and food when I am most sick.
And I wasn't nurtured well those ways myself either.
