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"Don't Tell! Don't Feel! Don't think!" Common?

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rosencrantz:

--- Quote ---It's a dirty job, but *I* have to do it! And I'm proud to be able to believe I'm up for the task, no matter how hard it is, or how long it takes.
--- End quote ---


Just wanted to put that up in lights for you, bobbie!

It's a beauty!  And one for lots of people to put on their wall for themselves, too.

Cheers to you, bobbie
R

Nic:
My N parents were definitely covert narcissists..in that they were/are perceived as angelic by everyone in the community..and yet everyone in the community knows my N mom was a pill popping alcoholic and that my dad got her the pills because of his profession..suffice it to say that as such, I grew up almost from day one in an environment where it was crucial indeed vital that nothing get out of the immediate household..
My n mom would let me ramble on in public about a variety of subjects, making sure to shame me whenever she felt embarrassed and/or by taking me aside for a number of seconds in order that she could slip in ..with emphasized angry recriminatory tone.." wait 'til we get home..." and then i'd get it..at home, away from her audience..
My Ndad, who always has capitalized on my nmom's dependency problems never lost a chance to blame his shyness and self-imposed isolation on what he told the community was " a bad marriage, my wife is sick..my children fight and argue and make our life miserable but who was to know when they're not yours you never know what will happen..blah blah blah...Both my parents would lie and deny reality on a daily basis and warn my brother and I with verbal and non-verbal language that they were the masters of the game..they could get themselves out of any situation by constantly lying and denying reality..this still goes on today..and I'm so sick of it!  That's why I don't see them anymore..
You see my parents sent my brother and I to boarding school as soon as they could, we were never around..or never around long enough to interfere with their fraudulent lives..
When I returned with my wife to our present community, my N dad actually said to me one day:  " Why did you come back?"  I knew immediately i was interfering with the lies, his lies and the false reality he was living on..
You see, my N parents who complain to the world at large that they are "paying for my lifestyle" are lying about that yet again..because what they are really doing is living off ME .  They do this or have done this all their lives because I have been along with my brother an alternate scapegoat and excuse for any and all responsibility or accountability that normal human beings must assume to live true and honest lives.
They've fed off my candidness, my honesty, my sincerity, my sense of humour, my decency precisely because they have none of their own..THEY STOLE IT FROM ME!
But i'm getting it back..slowly but surely..
Nic

CC:
Nic, yours is the classic "white-picket fence syndrome", it seems.  A good friend of mine and I were discussing this very subject today, that we think a large part of that generation of parents in the middle/upper middle class did this type of parenting (children raised in the 60's and 70's).  The "make it look good to everyone else" thing.

Anastasia:
Nic, I know everyone who went to boarding school complains...but, as for me, I am really envious of you!  Dang...I wish I could have gone to boarding school and escaped living with two friggin crazy, selfish, totally f'd up people who turned and pointed to ME (the only kid there and homegrown whipping boy for the two of them) and accused me of having problems, causing problems and being a problem when I was no problem, was a good kid, and whose only "problem" was having to live/cope with two totally abusive freaks!
When I say I was happy to get the hell away from them...well, you just don't KNOW how ecstatic I was to get away..... :D
Again, resent boarding school if you will, but I, for one, am jealous of your experience away from your house...lucky dog, you.  Guess this is a case of perspective.

Anastasia

Nic:
I know what you mean Anastasia..but you know everyone who goes to boarding school complains for very good reasons.
I don't think you would have liked to be somewhere from one day to the next at 7and a half years of age, not understanding anything because didn't speak the language..My mother tongue is French and i was plopped in an english environment where I was totally lost..where I missed assignments because i didn't understand there were any only to be "swatted" publicly for my stupidity, crying and wounded with no parents to run to..
I was sexually abused there, which is an entirely different story I could write inumerable scrolls about, for the guilt and shame and helplessness and confusion it caused me for years..again with no one to protect me ie: a father maybe???? where my brother underwent the same thing and told to have the same absent father igore and deny the experience....
I was away from my N s yes but thrown into another horrendous experience where I had no voice and no control over what was happening to me...knowing my Ns didnt give a shit.
I understand your wanting to be away from your crazy family..but just like I wished the aliens would abduct me and take me to their planet for a life of bliss..the boarding school fantasy you entertain(ed) was not, in my case..a walk in the park and a much needed break from my Ns.
What we needed, you and I was a stable, caring, loving, nurturing environment devoid of Ns where we could have blossomed into the wonderful people we truly are.
In understanding and support,
Nic :)

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