It's been a long while since I've been here - trauma so I'm back

[isittoolate]

Hi kell

I still stick with what I said before, and maybe I can add that you have to get out and cut you losses, before you go nuts. You turn on your mother to save yourself.

Even though I am in a position that my daughter turned on me, I see that, in your case, it ought to happen!

Do you agree? or do you think you ought to be loyal to your mother, no matter what?
xxoo
Izzy

[Hopalong]

(((((((((((((Kell)))))))))))))))))

Hang on, hon.
It's coming to a head now that you're closer to a transition, that's all...

You're going to be okay (and so is she), and you will find peace again.

hugs,
Hops

[Overcomer]

Hop and Izzy:  You are probably the only two people who can stand my rantings!!  You guys........a couple of years ago I was at my wits end with nmom and applied for a job.  I went through three interviews and they gave it to someone else.  So I have gone through three interviews with this one, too.  Now I am scared.  I wonder if I put out these vibes in the last interviews to sabotage my chances.  OR, maybe I am going to get it and he hasn't contacted me yet.  Whatever it is......I just want this so badly.  I keep praying for God's will but how could he let me get my hopes up and then not get it?  Or maybe I am just obsessing.  Plus I am PMSing so I think that makes my obsessing all the worse........it's just that if they offer the job to someone else I will literally feel like I was up for parole and then they denied it.  It is that bad.  I feel like I am in jail.  Have you ever seen the Count of Monte Cristo?  That's how I feel.  I think it will be like when he finally escapes from prison.  Jumps off the cliff with handcuffs on!  Then he makes his escape and finds treasure and his life is his own!!  At the end he kills his foes.  I don't even want to kill them - I just want to be away from their captivity.  But who knows.  Maybe the war will start when I leave.  Please.  Please.  Please.  I can't stand the waiting.  Then I think God is punishing me for telling the bookkeeper what nmom said.  Could it be?  Should have a kept my mouth shut?  Or is that all a part of the dysfunctional family rules.  Don't tell.  But does that apply in business????

[Dazed1]

Hi Kell,

Just wanted to say that I don't think you are ranting and I like your posts.  I just don't have enough time or energy to always post responses.

I'd like to post responses to everyone, but, as mentioned, don't have the time and energy to do so.

You're processing events over and over in your mind, questioning and second guessing yourself.  I used to drive myself CRAZY doing this and I try to tell myself to stop obsessing because it doen't help me.

I read some where that this type of obsessing is a symptom of being raised in a dysfunctional family.

How about this:  Own what you did.  Maybe some of it was right and some was wrong, but it's done and over.  Now, look to the future and next time you're in a situation, be mindful and conscious of your words and actions.

As for the job, if it happens, great.  If not, you will find something else.  Just know in your gut that you WILL find something else.  You are smart and resourceful.  Put your thinking cap on, look at your options, speak to a career counselor.  You have options and choices.  Write down your options and choices.

I don't want to rain on your parade, but if this job doesn't pan out, what's your next step? Maybe by writing down a plan, you will feel less pressured and anxious.

love,
dazed

[isittoolate]

hi again kell,

When people rant, they just might say something that will help me, so I read.

I obsess as well and it can be so difficult to dismiss that thought from my head
...from Dazed" I read some where that this type of obsessing is a symptom of being raised in a dysfunctional family.

If somethingis forthcoming, I imagine all scenarios so that I can be prepared. I have actual conversations with myself, that even include "No. Erase that. Keep away from that topic".

Job interviews can be scary, but if you are applying for a job, that requires the talents you already have, then it is so much easier to put yourself 'over the top". As scary as I found them, I knew I could always "sell myself" when it came to anything regarding accounting, bookkeeping, payroll, and with no degrees, just on-the-job training for them. Each company has its own way and I was always prepared to say that I was a quick learner for these differences.

One job was doing plant payroll for a company. I was well paid. I had an inside track on the gossip and heard that this company was just a "write-off" for Loblaws. and then I heard that it was closing down in a few months, so I went job hunting again. Another payroll job opened up in that town and I applied, and for the same amont as what I'd been receiviing. I think this horrified them, but I learned later that I replaced the gal who was earning $30.00 a week less than I asked for and was given that when hired, she told me she had said that if they wanted someone good they would have to pay for it.

However i was matched with the top paid gal there--I know because of the payroll records. This "top gal" hated my guts for the longest time but eventually she came to me and told me that I was worth every penny and we became friends.

People are very strange!

Good Luck on your search
Izzy

[Overcomer]

Izzy, Dazed, Hops and CB..................thanks!!  I will be a week since i talked with the RVP tomorrow.  The District Manager told me they were going to make a decision in the next week.......that was last week.  I have been looking at the phone.  Checking both voice mails (even though there is no indication of a message.....) Checking my email.  All in hopes of finding a message.  I just have to get this job.  I know I will be so good.  I am afraid some other person is going to swoop in and take my job!!  Yes, I am obSESSING!!   Thank you for understanding.  I have been praying that God would give me some kind of peace.  Just need peace!!!!!!!!

[Hopalong]

Hi Kelly,

How can you talk to yourself, right now in this present moment, to find some balance and calm?

If you haven't ever read the little book Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, now's the time!

Fingers crossed for you, and also confidence that you can handle reality.
Whatever comes, I know you will learn and keep growing and your life WILL move ahead in good directions...

You may step back or leap ahead but your direction is ALREADY forward, no matter what the news is this week. (Don't set yourself up for terrible disappointment...just try to be ready for delight if the news is good and ordinary disappointment if it's not.) Does that make sense?

Will be thinking of you...
hugs,
Hops

[Overcomer]

Ok, so I got gutsy and called the new store.  I asked for the District Manager and they said he wasn't in today.  I asked her if she knew if they filled the position and she said, "I'm not sure.........."  She told me the assistant manager would email the District Manager and took my phone number and my name.  The assistant manager is supposed to either call him or email him and tell him to call me!!  So at the risk of seeming desperate, I did that.  I figured when he calls I would say, "The RVP suggested I go into the store and see if I thought it was a good fit for me as well as you so I was justing following through to see if you want me to come in........."  Then all he can say is yes or no, I am sorry, we offered the posiition to someone else.......I WANT IT SO BADLY - BUT THE WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART!!!  I Have prayed that if it is not God's will that it wouldn't be so if I don't get the job, I will just have to thank God for saving me from something that is not what I want or need in my life.  But the DM and I had so much in common and I even ran into him at my store.  It all pointed to them selecting me.  So I have to stop obsessing about this and just let what is to be - BE!!  And stop trying to wrap my arms around the whole thing!  I have no control over this.  I just have to sit back and wait.  I know the other job that I was second in line for.......they just didn't call......didn't write......nothing.  So eventually I emailed them and they said "We have offered that position to someone else."  But I felt like they owed it to me to let me know that I was not the person they decided on.  The biggest obtacle I have faced is that people don't think I can work for someone else after being an owner for so many years.  People are skeptical of my commitment!!  But I will give them commitment.  I will do a great job.  I will be wonderful!!  Now they just have to ask me and I will say yes!!!  They do not realize that working FOR someone is so much better than working WITH a Narcissistic Parent!!

[Overcomer]

hEY Thanks CB:  I really appreciate someone checking in.  Well, you know I called and left a message on Monday and still nothing.  So needless to say I am frustrated.  Doing the pacing back and forth routine and looking at both my phone and cell phone to see if I have a message.  Also checking my email all the time.  I just have given it up.  Basically I was mopping the floor and quoting positive scripture.  My doc says I give off negative energy and I need to counter it with positive words, positive thoughts, etc.  So I said, "OK, God, if I don't get this job then I have to believe that you are protecting me or preparing me for something so much better!!"  I have to believe that or I will just get depressed and mad......

Then I had a conversation with my nmom on the phone yesterday and I really felt like I got the upper hand.  She said something derogatory about the bookkeeper and I didn't even comment.  I just went on to the next topic.  Then she said, "I really want for you and I to communicate more.  I didn't even know you weren't coming in on Friday, Monday and Tuesday until I got into work."  And I said, "Yes, I told the bookkeeper as I was leaving on Thursday to tell you all on Friday morning."  Mom said, "Yes, that is how I heard it."  And I said, "Isn't that great?"  With a smiley happy voice.  I know it bugged her.  I have decided that my response to her is going to be somewhat like a dumb blonde.  You know.........pretend like I didn't get the jab she was throwing at me and come back with some nonsequiter that will totally throw her off.  My conversation yesterday worked twice.  I had so much satisfaction after the conversation!!

So, yes, I want the job = BADLY.  But at this point I am started to think he has offered it to someone else.  I thought I might get a Dear Jane letter in the mail.  But my husband said, "Maybe they haven't decided yet.  Maybe he had a hard time getting together with the other two people that needed to be interviewed.  Maybe he had an emergency in some other market......so we'll see.  Thanks...

[Overcomer]

NO WORD!!  I APPLIED AGAIN.  IT IS STILL LISTED ON CAREERBUILDER.COM SO I REAPPLIED!!!!  YIKES!!

[CB123]

Kell,

Good for you!  Keep trying. 

CB

[Stormchild]

Ouch Kell. Good luck - sorry I missed seeing this earlier. Will be praying for you... and well done, handling your mother so well!!!

[kell as guest]

Thanks guys.  I was beginning to think I was all alone in this trauma!  Then I got home tonight and my h was so drunk he fell through the shower door.  Why cant anything go right for me?

[Carhut]

Why is it that a presentation, description and analysis of such an impacting and overarching disorder must be cased in such disappointing prose? Is the Doctor in? Dr. Grossman, I am afraid you have more drops than King Rex of ChiTown. Get it write sir. Then and only then will we who would rather the title sire be inclined to, "Sir". Thank the good Lord for the "Patriot" act. For those inclined to Suck, we salute You! ( A strained attempt at humor).

[Dazed1]

Hi Kelly,

I don't know what the prior post is about, but, yikes, sorry to hear about H!!  Did he hurt himself?  Does H have a serious drinking problem?

Hey, you're not alone in this.  We are all rooting for you.

Ach, Kelly, when it rains it pours.

Hang in there, Hon,

dazed