It's been a long while since I've been here - trauma so I'm back

[Stormchild]

[Overcomer]

Hey:  So I went downstairs and picked up my book and started reading and what did she say?  Don't grumble and complain.  God wants to see if you can be patient WITH a good attitude.  Guess I blew that one, God!!!

Then I went upstairs and took a nap.  I think I may be a little depressed.  Thank God the doc put me on Lexapro or I might be off the deep end.  I just needed to sleep.  I want so much for change to occur for me ALL the time.  I do so well and then things don't pan out or the raging drunkard rears his ugly head and I can't help but get a little pessimistic. 

I want to walk through a door and see sunshine and walk down the yellow brick road.................I do.  I want for everything to go from black and white to vivid color!!  Thanks for the link to the Book of Kells.  Very nice.........that's the kind of color I want!!

So I leave my life in God's hands and hope that he will do His best in my life!!  I know that will happen!

[Gaining Strength]

Oh boy!  Turn off the computer for a couple of hours and so much happens!!

Kell - keep reading that Joyce Meyers.  She'g got great stuff.  Pick one or two things to work on and be patient and persistent.
Hate to pick on you but really Kell, "Guess I blew that one, God!!!"  Give yourself a break.  You aren't expected to have this all correct just because you read the book.  If we all had this down pat Joyce wouldn't need to write the book.  She is giving you something to process and to learn and to apply to your life.  It takes time.  It is not instantaneous.  We are all begging you to be kinder to yourself.  Someone showed me another of her books just last night that is about the power of words.  Her main theme is to not criticize yourself.  According to Joyce, God does not will you to criticize and condemn yourself.  It works against his plan for you.  Your mother does enough of that. Don't join forces with her.

Dazed - I am always getting confused about who says what on which thread.  I was just thrilled that you liked what I posted.  I don't need credit.  I love that ATTENTION one too.  I am really focusing on that. 

We're cheering for you Kell.  Keep at it.  You are headed in the right direction.  When you take the next step towards being your own best friend you will have made a significant achievement.  You will get out of this nightmare.  If you move you will still be there but take the you who is kind, nurturing and supportive to Kell and leave the one who keeps criticizing Kell at the last house.

your friend - really - Gaining Strength

[kell as guest]

BE NICE TO MYSELF!  Crazy concept.  You mean it is not me who causes them to not hire me?  Could it be there was a more qualified candidate?  I am good and I know it!  Thanks!

[Gaining Strength]

Could be that they didn't want a competent candidate or could be that they wanted the boss' son's best friend or could be they wanted ........  None of which had to do with you and your excellent qualifications.  Employers can be as N as family members.  You didn't cause your mother to be an N and your abilities don't cause to her to completely missout on the best possible employee and daughter she could have. 

All of the things that are right about you need to fit into the right recepticle.  You do not want them to fit into N recepticles anymore.  Hold faith that you will be drawn to the perfect fit in good time (meaning in a bearable timeframe before you lose your mind.) 

Keep reading Joyce Meyers and applying her principles to your life. - Gaining Strength

[towrite]

Hello Everyone!!  It has been so long since I have been here.  Maybe I am getting better so I haven't had to log on and vent.  But it is time again.  I have been lying in bed crying and so/.........................some of you may remember that I have worked with my Nmom for 12 years.  We had a major blow up about six years ago and it really helped..........even though she would diagnose me as unstable, etc.  I realize that without the major blow up I would be dying of cancer or something major like that - my doctor said I NEEDED to get it out or it would literally eat me alive!!

Anyway, so our business which hasn't made a penny for ten years is finally making a profit.  We hired a gal who is great at budgets and accounting and she has single handedly turned the business around.  So at the first of the year we hired my aunt who had been fired from the job that she took over for my Nmom when she retired.  When they let her go she came to us immediately and didn't even try for another job.  We all had real high hopes for her!!1

Then out of the blue, she and my Nmom suddenly think our bookkeeper is too big for her britches.  I, on the otherhand have told both of those women that we need to give credit where credit is due!!  All of a sudden I realize that my aunt is basically worming her way into the family business and is coming and going as she pleases just like my mother and I do (we are co-owners.............)  but if I start to put her in her place my Nmom defends her and progressively is more defensive towards the bookkeeper who has turned out business around.  Well, I told my aunt that if she and my mom ran this gal out of her I hereby REFUSE to do the bookkeeping!!!!  I am so furious I don't know what to do.  I do not want anything to do with my mom and I don't want anything to do with my aunt!!  But you have to understand that I always thought that my aunt was some poor abused girl who had to live under my mom's shadow (and she has) but now I realize she is almost as egotistical as my mom!!

I am beside myself with grief and anger!!

I found a new book from a Christian perspective and it is called "Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me!"  by Les Carter.  He doesn't shove the Christianity down your throat and I am going to give it to my bookkeeper to read!!  I suggest it to all of you, too!!

Help!!  Kelly  (hey bunny and flower and all the rest of you that I haven't talked to in months!!)

Kelly - do you have anything in writing showing you and your nmom are equal owners of the business? If things are beginning to turn around in the business due to this new bookkeeper, you need more control! Maybe it's time for you to see an attorney and brainstorm about buying your nmom out. You are on a short road to burnout.

Best, towrite

[Overcomer]

Oh, no, we WERE equal partners and somehow when we were short on cash flow, nmom put money into the business and made it stock.  After thousands were put in the business, I had about 7 percent and she 93%.....I don't know how she legally did it......................and I can't afford to fight against all her wealth.  I live paycheck to paycheck and she is loaded.................but thanks for the thought!!

Well, I decided to be kinder to myself.  I have been making an effort to always look put together and a bit more "glam" than I had before (that is something the RVP said they  wanted in a manager...............) and I have to admit that I haven't really cared how I look for a long time.  Now I am starting to count points.  I figure I can better myself regardless of where I am.  It only makes me more marketable in the future.


And I got contacted by another company I applied for......................so you see, even though I wanted the other job, I am still applying!!!!

I am trying!!!!

[Dazed1]

Excellent, Kell!!! 

dazed

[Overcomer]

Thanks!!  I just want to be better!!  Thank you all for your moral support this weekend.  I was spent.  My h says he will "probably" go to AA!!  We'll see.  My nmom said she was mad at him for presenting himself as a nondrinker (we met online) only to start back being a drunk on our honeymoon!!

[Dazed1]

Kell,

I'm glad you're feeling better.

Between your Nmom, H and the job situation, you probably feel like a huge boulder of sh*t is chasing you and ready to run you over.  I can only image.

But, the way out is to work on you.  So, keep reading that book, posting here and try to love yourself, even though it's really hard to do.

love,
dazed

[Hopalong]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Kell))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hops

[Overcomer]

YOU GUYS ROCK!!  HOW COULD HAVE I GOTTEN THROUGH THE LAST COUPLE WEEKS WITHOUT PEOPLE POINTING OUT MY NEGATIVE WORDS!!  I OWE YOU ALL A LOT!!

[Overcomer]

OK, back to the original topic of this post...................the backing off of my nmom at work.  The finally making a profit.  The hiring of my aunt and the reappearance of my nmom at work............................one year with my aunt.........................one year with my mom back..........................didn't make a profit - AGAIN!!!  What does that say to you?  The presence of my mom makes us not make a profit because she has no regard for budgets or anything else.

I think I have applied for no less than six jobs in the last two days!!!!!

[Gaining Strength]

I think I have applied for no less than six jobs in the last two days!!!!!

Way to go girl!! Don't forget - the interview is YOUR opportunity to interview THEM to make sure it is a good fit.  Interviewing them has another advantage, it moves you out of the begging, proving mode.  When you try to prove your qualifications it often is received by, "Methinks she doth protest too much."  So remember - you re trying to find out if they are a good match for you. 

Good luck - GS

[kell as guest]

Got a phone call today from another company.  Phone tag.  But I really wanted that other job.  It still surprises me after he told me I was at the top of my list!  Well a friend of mine had a dream that my daughter and I were running the store without mom.  She has a gift so I am hoping it is some kind of a prophecy and that will happen.