Just a link to share about PD's

[reallyME]

http://www.healthyplace.com/COMMUNITIES/Personality_Disorders/site/Transcripts/treatment_PD.htm

[Certain Hope]

Thank you, RM.

On edit... Thiis some very timely help.

Hope

[lightofheart]

Thanks for sharing that link, Write; it's a good one.

Hope, if you're interested, this is one of the best borderline personality disorder sites I've found:

http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.borderline.html

One incredibly helpful book on BPD = Stop Walking on Eggshells: Coping When Someone you Care About has Borderline Personality Disorder. It's more practical than diagnostic, really explained the 'looping', imho, it's easy to get caught in relating to someone with BPD.

[Stormchild]

Interesting link!

I do notice that the focus seems to be on BPD and NPD much if not most of the time. Understandable, because these are the seriously high-maintenance people who are also out in the mainstream grabbing for attention and resources.

But there are other PDs, and they're quite different. Avoidant, for instance -- these are people who find most other people so painful to be around, so unaware and uncaring, that they'd really rather not bother. Not worth the pain, 90% of the time. They become recluses, etc.

That's very very different from the diva-driven drama of an extreme borderline.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I wanted to point out that not all PDs are the same - and there are  folks with other kinds of PDs, or traits for them, who have a great deal of insight, are fighting heroically towards health, and deserve all of the support and affirmation we can give them.

[mudpuppy]

LOH,

As RM has expressed the point that she sometimes feels ignored here I think it only fair to point out that she and write are two different people.

mud

[WRITE]

thank you Mudpuupy, yes we are, but I'm happy to share the credit for interesting links 

not all PDs are the same - and there are  folks with other kinds of PDs, or traits for them, who have a great deal of insight, are fighting heroically towards health, and deserve all of the support and affirmation we can give them.

absolutely, it's just sad that they don't always maintain an overall 'progress' and they often take so much energy from others in their quest.

I think my ex would with a different partner than me behave totally differently, it's the old patterns together which we cannot break.

I noticed the same with my father- once I was out of the picture he went on to create a much healthier life for himself....

[Hopalong]

Classic board boo-boo, I've made it, LoH!  

Hi, RM--thanks for sharing this fine link. And hi Write anyway!

And hi, Mud. How's about a little update? How are you doing?

Hops

[reallyME]

and I don't mind who gets the credit for the link...glad it's helpful to those it is.

Avoidant, for instance -- these are people who find most other people so painful to be around, so unaware and uncaring, that they'd really rather not bother. Not worth the pain, 90% of the time. They become recluses, etc.

Stormchild, I couldn't AGREE with you more.  There is a person in my life who has this..I've seen her talk herself out of almost every opportunity available with saying "I can't afford it, I'm not good enough, God doesn't want me to do that" yet, if this person would just step out and do it, they would find it's not so terrifying after all...the thing is, a lot of people are avoidant because they want attention too.  STaying in a rutt brings about more attention than to move on to success (during the moving on process, there are no accolades, and sometimes people don't even notice your progress, now do they)

It's all frustrating to me...the PD's...I'm thankful for a sound mind but my heart goes out to those struggling in these things.

~RM

[Hopalong]

RM, thank you for this:

STaying in a rutt brings about more attention than to move on to success (during the moving on process, there are no accolades, and sometimes people don't even notice your progress, now do they)

That's a wonderful piece of truth.

Hops

[mountainspring]

Is it Hops?  Is it a wonderful piece of truth?  I don’t know of anyone who thinks to themselves Gee, I think I’ll grow up and be a PD so I can get lots of attention.  There are things that are truly terrifying for some that have nothing to do with getting attention.  Belittle any progress… it won’t last anyway, right???  Not part of the problem and not part of the solution right? 

[Hopalong]

MS,
Sorry, I wan't thinking about PDs specifically...wandering off as usual.
Nooooooooooo way I think people plan to have PDs, gosh no.

I was just looking at that sentence on its own and thinking how I've sometimes been mired in blabbing away about my various ruts instead of climbing out of them.

Hops

[reallyME]

Of course people don't plan to have personality disorders...I wasn't sayin they do at all.  I was commenting about someone in my personal life, who KNOWS SHE HAS ONE, however enjoys getting attention, so she refuses to get help for it.  That was about a person I know personally, not a general statement, although it sounded like one. 

~ReallyME

[Stormchild]

Wow I really am miscommunicating here lately.

My sympathy was with the person suffering from the avoidant trait or disorder. Someone whose overwhelming impression of human interaction is that it is cruel, and brutal, and not worth the pain it causes. Someone who has suffered so much at the hands of other human beings that they can't even envision a human interaction that isn't primarily about causing them pain, because people have so often taken pleasure in hurting them.

So they prefer to forgo all human interaction because it's just not worth the price tag.

My intent was to point out that people with other PDs, not borderline or narcissistic, can often be very much aware of their problem and terribly pained by it and find it extremely difficult to work through because everything they have lived and experienced has taught them the life lesson their PD embodies.

The PD is a sane adaptation to an insane situation, in other words, and the person who suffers from it did not choose it, does not want it, and would give anything to be free of it. But to be free of it, they have to unlearn everything their early life experience taught them... my God, that's a daunting task! And anyone who makes even the faintest, feeblest attempt to do it... deserves a medal, and as much support as can be given them.

That's what I meant to say. I hope this version's a little clearer.

[reallyME]

Stormchild,

It was clear the first time you said it, and my comments shall remain as I put them as well.

You also said:

The PD is a sane adaptation to an insane situation,

I will disagree on this statement and say The PD is an unhealthy adaptation to an insane, dysfunctional situation, or it is a chemical imbalance in the brain of a person, which needs treatment through meds and/or counseling.  There is absolutely nothing sane about personality disorders.

~RM

[Certain Hope]

Hi LoH,

Thanks for the BPD link! Until I read there, I didn't realize that in many cases, the borderline symptoms ease as a person approaches her 40's.  In my own research, I also found some articles that have been quite helpful @  http://http://www.borderlinepersonality.ca/ajbpdarticlesmainpage.htm  
You mentioned the "looping" that it's easy to get caught up in ... on edit, I can say that I've dealt with that considerably and it's difficult to maintain firm boundaries (not to mention sanity) and stay off the rollercoaster without bailing on the relationship completely. 

Storm ~ I just wanted to say that when I'm at a low-energy level, clear communication is no easy task and sleep deprivation sure can contribute to a multitude of difficulties. If there's anyplace in the world where you're allowed to stumble over your own fingers, it's here     I hope that you'll be gentle with yourself... and continue feeling better.

RM ~ one of the most troublesome things I've faced in relating to my friend is my own feeling, at times, that she's behaving very manipulatively solely for the purpose of gaining attention. I've come to accept that this is a mechanism in her mind, but not the intent of her heart... like a well practiced habit. At any rate, it's given me plenty of practice at developing the habit of not taking offense  

Hope