Thanks, Storm. (On edit, removing a reference in which I may have crossed a boundary by even mentioning a friend). One thing that's quite eerie about this whole situation is that she reminds me so much of my aunt... never married, lived with my grandmother all of her life (she outlived grandma by only a few years)... Grandma used to say, "Oh, she would do anything for you kids" (her nieces) and yet I always sensed an ulterior motive, a much darker side. Aunt loved to spend money, on us and on herself... usually totally useless items at highly inflated prices. Only the best for her. She even used to complain about her plain name... she wished, she said, that my grandparents had given her a fancier, more elegant one. My mother, who is quite N minus the pathological lying, says that this aunt (her younger sister) was quite a handful as a child... biting, kicking, scratching... and that "Mother and Dad always seemed to know that she would need to be taken care of". My mother ~ the unemotional, self-involved, miserly, perfectionistic, stoical martyr and her sister ~ childish, neurotic, spendthrift, spiteful, passive-aggressive, clingy... arghhhh. Sometimes I wonder, were they actually one person, split into two? So strange. And now, dealing with the BPD traits in my friend, I begin to feel like I'm taking on my mom's personality because to do anything else is to invite another ride on the rollercoaster. And... I am seriously questioning my own reasons for even choosing to engage with this person. In reading an article on "compulsive helping", I can see where I've crossed the line at times between caring and caretaking. If nothing else, this whole thing is bringing to life an old conflict within myself between the traits from both my mother and my aunt that might be lodged within me. I understand that boundaries are absolutely crucial when dealing with BPD. My dilemma is... in putting up those fences, I feel the rigidity and coldness of my mother sneaking up on me. I appreciate a challenge, but this one may be a bit too much for me.
Hope
