What IS normal?

[wondering]

Has anyone else wondered what normal is?  Is there even any such thing?  It appears to me that people believe that normal is however they were raised and whatever they are used to so "normal" is extremely different for each of us.

[Anastasia]

You ask a bunch of people who were raised by dysfunctional parents "what is normal?"  Do you really can find the answer to that here?  There is some humor in this question, really, and your asking it here.  Do like I do:  punch the word "normal" in the address bar of your computer and see what comes up.  Then tell me.

[wondering]

I'm not sure there is such a thing as a "normal" person or family.  I suspect it is only the degree of difference from whatever the average may be.  In my experience, the more normal a family appears from the outside looking in, the more they were simply hiding the truth.  The most normal looking family I ever saw from the outside turned out to be the most insane from the inside.  So my question is, has anyone actually ever SEEN a family or person they believed were "normal" - someone they knew well enough to make that decision.

[phoenix]

bye

[Anonymous]

a healthy family is one where everyone is listened to and listens, where everyone feels loved and accepted and where basic needs are taken care of consistently. It is a family where people are allowed to set BOUNDARIES. It is a family where everyone is SAFE.

It is the family members individual and collective OVERALL experience which makes for a healthy family. Life is hard, it is sickness, mental illness, death, poverty, accident and many other hardships.  People survive and grow after painful times as well as good times- it is the skills learned in the family which facilitate this.

Many people never learned them within their families, and need to learn as adults, which is hard. But not impossible. Albert Ellis R E B T is a useful concept.

In a relatively healthy family the narcissist is likely to feel a lot of pain and vulnerability as the members will often challenge or ignore n-behaviours. An n in a healthy family would maybe benefit from anti-depressants, and would certainly benefit from therapy, if they can find a therapist who is patient and understands narcissism and their pain. MANY DRs and therapists don't understand that narcissism is about lack of 'self' and hatred of self, not self LOVE. A therapist should not do family counselling when there is a narcissist present unless the narcissist has undergone considerable ( successful- for the family unit )  therapy already.

Many narcissists would withdraw from a healthy family, or act out even more causing the other members to recoil.

There is no 'normal' family- even within close cultural groups there can be wide disparity of belief and values. There are many undesirable often perfectly ordinary situations families have to cope with in life. In a healthy family what ever happens is worked through and everyone eventually reaches some degree of resolution.  

The 'normal' family is often about what it looks like from the outside- it might feel completely different from inside. Many apparently normal families retain their facade by ignoring terribly damaging private behaviours, example incest. In that case the abuse is compounded because additional responsibility is heaped on the child 'not to tell' and ruin the family image, what a burden to bear when personal healing does not happen unless you tell...

[Healing&Hopeful]

I can't remember where I saw this but I saved it on my PC.

What's normal?

What's normal varies from time to time and from place to place. There are fads in psychology as well as everywhere else, and only time will tell what's just a passing fad and what's actual progress. What I mean by normal is this: capable of loving, working, and adapting constructively to changing conditions and different people.

[Sela]

Hiya H&H:

What I mean by normal is this: capable of loving, working, and adapting constructively to changing conditions and different people.

That sure sounds like a great definition to me!  I'd love to be that normal.....all of the time!!

Ofcourse, that's impossible for anyone because no one is perfect, right?  So.....then part of being normal is not always being capable of loving, or working, or adapting contructively to changing conditions and different people?
I wonder??

I think another nagging part of the question is... what is a normal reaction?

My answer would be that it varies according to a person's knowledge, experience and characteristics.  There really is no absolute normal but maybe there is a basic normal.

Basically....the average person......would react a certain way to certain circumstances.  Not always predictable though......depending on so many factors eh?  Like what's an average person?

Tricky questions.  No real answers possible maybe?

Maybe.......the real thing to consider is what feels comfortable and normal to you (or do you feel abnormal and is abnormal uncomfortable)??

Again.......this might be normal  .....some of the time for some people......to feel uncomfortable and abnormal??  Who can say?   If different is considered abnormal......then....oh......help us!!!  There are so many different people!!  Is being normal being the same as everyone else? 

Ok then.........last question to add to the confusion:

Why do you need this answer? (To ascertain that you are indeed "normal" or to find something normal to work toward becoming??  To determine if others are/are not normal?  Just for the fun of it?   Or......could be a scary one coming.........to find some valuable normal stuff to help yourself feel comfortable???)

None of this may apply directly to you, H&H.  I'm just tossing around some food for thought for anyone interested (yummy or wormy......depending on.......taste).

I admit.....I love pondering such questions.  And reading what other people think.  There are wise people here who might have much better answers (and even better questions) than I do.

  Sela 

[Healing&Hopeful]

((((((((((((Sela))))))))))
 
One thing I do think is no one's perfect, but they are still normal.  I believe that pretty much everyone has different levels of sh*te to deal with in life, it's how they adapt and change which makes them who they are.  This is why I believe people have a lot of power in themselves to become the people they want to be.  I feel that too much emphasis is placed on the word normal.
 
What's a normal reaction?
Because of how Mum was, when I was 18 I was seeing this boy.  He was very angry one day and I curled up into a ball because I felt sure he was going to hit me.  I was sobbing because I thought he was going to hit me.  He had no intention of hitting me.
 
So... is that a normal reaction?  On the whole you'd say no, however after the stuff Mum had done, it's yes.
 
Take care
 
H&H xx