Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Unacceptable Birthday Gifts
Simon46:
--- Quote ---You were allowing her a way to slam you more.
--- End quote ---
Yes, apparently I was, and she did!
She obviously took offense at the remark - I was trying to open a door and she did not take it that way at all. I had also included a little chatty family update about the kids etc (which I omitted from this post.) I did this hoping to test the waters and maybe open a door. Instead the opposite happened.
Discounted Girl:
N mothers are not going to be happy until you are groveling at their feet, begging for their attention and forgiveness (at least in their sick mind's eye) and they are once again sitting on their throne with all the stage lights shining upon them, with all their subjects (jesters) waiting with baited breath to once again be in their good graces and charming presence, (presents).
Anonymous:
Simon,
Your email to her (which I reread) has a "mixed message." On one hand, it is very warm especially where you told the florist to go wild. On the other hand, you referred to an idea that she might throw away the flowers, even though she said nothing of the kind in her thanks to you. You are correct that she's capable of this. But it's somewhat "provocative" to mention it after she has apparently thanked you sincerely. Possibly she was trying to "repair" the damage of her email by being nice about the flowers you sent. And your comment didn't allow her to make the repair, so she counterattacked viciously, wreaking more damage. I'm not saying she didn't deserve your comment, but making such a remark may perpetuate this dynamic of insecurity, anger, and inability to repair damage. Does this make any sense..?
bunny
rosencrantz:
As I read the first few posts on the comments made when flowers are received - 'don't waste your money' etc, - it occurred to me that they are saying something we rarely 'hear' - that THEY are not good enough for the gift, that the gifts are too good for them.
People can be rejecting because of the guilt, shame and inadequacy that a gift can throw up.
My mother still writes to me on the backs of envelopes and scraps of paper - even tho I've known that she's got pretty notepaper - and I sent her some myself for Xmas.
My husband pointed out that it's the wartime mentality, the opposite of abundant thinking, that makes her refuse to have and to use the good things. She is afraid that there won't be enough so she doesn't allow herself any - she's saving it all up for a rainy day (and when the rainy day comes she'll be saving it up for an even rainier day!).
R
phoenix:
bye
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version