hiya jack,
when I read your stories I did relate. You described me pretty well in my relationship with my ex-husband.
I felt that many of his actions were an attempt to let the world see how romantic, nice, good, caring, etc he was, but deep down I felt worthless. Even his unconditional love (which was the first I'd felt it from anyone in my life) wasn't enough for me. See, I was badly damaged by my N parents and I didn't believe I was worth all the fuss, and when someone did make a fuss, I doubted it was real. Then, I tried desperately to put distance between myself and he, and eventually this turned into me being repulsed by him. So, you could say I fell out of love with him, but really, I think I never learned to love myself enough, at that point in my life, to accept love and kindness from another.
Intentions are so tricky in relationships. Some of what you've described of her behavior sound like valid attempts by her to set boundaries. Maybe she really doesn't like public displays of affection and maybe you texting her really set her off. Maybe she doesn't want to be thought of as beautiful and stunning, but kind and for her inside qualities. Did you ever have conversations of this type with her? To get to the real needs she might have had. Thinking what someone needs and what they actually need are two entirely different things, that's one thing I had to learn the hard way.
In my current relationship, I have a need to not be treated as an object. This need is so strong, it could rally a tornado's strength, no kidding. So if you treated me the way you've described above, I'd recoil as well. But every woman is unique and individual in her needs Jack, just as you are unique in yours. So the trick to loving an individual is finding out what Her needs are - not what you believe women to need, but what this person, you're committing to love, actually needs. You might find it to be very different than what you thought she needed.
hugs, good luck working on yourself
pb
