Hi Jack,
I'm glad your T sympathized with you. I hope you'll stay with the process.
I have to say that for me, much of Adrift's first paragraph rings true.
I am trying to figure out for my own sake what it means. I know that my figuring anything out for your sake is not a rational goal right now...and maybe hasn't been. (I sometimes ask myself, why do I engage when others, who've been here longer and likely know a lot more than I do, did not?)
For myself, I think the question I need to sit with is, why was I so determined to keep working with (well, for--not really with) you? I know I wanted to help. But, when my effort didn't seem to mean anything, and the questions I posed were all dismissed, and then your pique intensified...why did I keep trying? (And, on the ego side, why did I keep going and then feel distressed and unappreciated? Why not just move on?)
I think I am very grieved about people's hurt. Just generally. And particularly when I sense that a person's anger is covering hurt, and there is SO much anger in the world. Maybe I slog on because I think if I could help one angry person breathe a little, trust a little, and listen a little...I will have constibuted something. And I have difficulty letting go of anyone at all, even when it might ultimately derail me, drain me, or work to my detriment.
Who knows, it may also have something to do with my very angry brother. He loathed me forever. He loathes feminists, liberals, tree huggers, Unitarians, Democrats, etc. etc. But we've had a few moments as we get older when I see his mind is more open than I had thought, and I see he has learned things about the world that I have not. And...maybe I want to rewrite my childhood, so that my brother would love and respect me.
I wasn't able to help you, and think it would be wise of me not to try any more. But I do wish you well in therapy, and I'm very glad you began the process. This will help you in the long run, I'm sure.
Best of luck,
Hops